(2023) Week 5 in Review
Welcome to the Week in Review. RIP Dick Butkis.
Byes: Browns, Buccaneers, Chargers, Seahawks
Chicago Bears @ Washington Commanders (Thursday Night)
This is about the time of years where teams start to fall into their slots and you know who 75% of the teams are, from a contender and pretender standpoint.
And then you have teams like Chicago and Washington who look like both, depending on the week. Though in the Bears' case, that could be because the Bears coaching staff finally realized they are not a West Coast Offense team and Justin Fields will never be Steve Young.
Over the last two weeks, OC Luke Getsy has seemingly abandoned his "Oops All Screens!" offense and gone back to the deep strikes and called runs that made Fields such a tantalizing prospect last season. The result? A near-upset of the Broncos and this week's impressive road win at the WTF.
And then you have teams like Chicago and Washington who look like both, depending on the week. Though in the Bears' case, that could be because the Bears coaching staff finally realized they are not a West Coast Offense team and Justin Fields will never be Steve Young.
Over the last two weeks, OC Luke Getsy has seemingly abandoned his "Oops All Screens!" offense and gone back to the deep strikes and called runs that made Fields such a tantalizing prospect last season. The result? A near-upset of the Broncos and this week's impressive road win at the WTF.
Do we owe the Broncos an apology? No, no we don't. They're horrible and deserve all the scorn that can be heaped upon them (and more on that later).
But Chicago? The Bears certainly didn't look like the dumpster fire they were over the first three weeks. Or does that mean WTF is just that bad (Defensively, at least)? They shouldn't be, not with that front line, anyway.
I just wonder how much giving Chase Claypool the Keyshawn treatment has to do with this dramatic turnaround?
The Bears have a chance to jump back into the playoff race with home games coming up vs. the Vikings and the Raiders (combined record 2-6). In fact, thanks to their last place schedule, if they can keep this up, they could realistically be 6-4 by the time they travel to the Lions, mid-November. Whodathunkit?
I just wonder how much giving Chase Claypool the Keyshawn treatment has to do with this dramatic turnaround?
The Bears have a chance to jump back into the playoff race with home games coming up vs. the Vikings and the Raiders (combined record 2-6). In fact, thanks to their last place schedule, if they can keep this up, they could realistically be 6-4 by the time they travel to the Lions, mid-November. Whodathunkit?
"Fun" Fact: Here's how bad the Bears have been historically at the QB position: Justin Fields became the first Bears QB to throw three TDs in the first half in back-to-back games. The first.
This is a team that has been around since 1919. This is a team that basically invented the pass-first QB (Sid Luckman).
But then again, this is also a team that's had exactly two Pro Bowl QBs since the merger: Jim McMahon in 85 and Mitch Trubisky in 2018. Still you'd think McMahon or Trubisky of Vince Evans or Jay Cutler or one of the Harbaughs would have done this on some random Sunday.
Related Fun Fact: Of the 100 Greatest Bears, sixteen played QB or pass catcher (including Mike Ditka and Devin Hester). Of those sixteen, only 6 played for the Bears after the Merger (Hester, Jim McMahon, Jay Cutler, Willie Gault, Alshon Jeffrey and Brandon Marshall. Ditka was traded to the Eagles after the 1966 season).
Related Fun Fact #2: Khalil Mack is on this list at #60, despite only having played one year for the Bears when this list was published.
Related Fun Fact: Of the 100 Greatest Bears, sixteen played QB or pass catcher (including Mike Ditka and Devin Hester). Of those sixteen, only 6 played for the Bears after the Merger (Hester, Jim McMahon, Jay Cutler, Willie Gault, Alshon Jeffrey and Brandon Marshall. Ditka was traded to the Eagles after the 1966 season).
Related Fun Fact #2: Khalil Mack is on this list at #60, despite only having played one year for the Bears when this list was published.
Bears 40, To Be Named Later 20
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Buffalo Bills (London/Tottenham Hotspur)
The Jags end their yearly London swing with their most impressive outing of the year.
Travis Ettiene had 146 yards rushing and two touchdowns in the fourth to help seal the deal for the future London Jags. Calvin "So who starts calling themselves 'Agent Zero' first" Ridley had seven catches for 122 yards. They also weathered several forced and unforced errors (2 lost fumbles, 5 sacks, several receiver drops),
Travis Ettiene had 146 yards rushing and two touchdowns in the fourth to help seal the deal for the future London Jags. Calvin "So who starts calling themselves 'Agent Zero' first" Ridley had seven catches for 122 yards. They also weathered several forced and unforced errors (2 lost fumbles, 5 sacks, several receiver drops),
Meanwhile the clearly jet lagged Bills were held to 29 yards rushing and suffered a flood of injuries, including LB Matt Milano (knee), DT DaQuan Jones (pectoral), DB Taron Johnson (knee), DE Shaq Lawson (toe) and DB Christian Benford (shoulder). Still the Bills had ONE last shot, but Stefon Diggs fumbled on a lateral attempt with 20 seconds left, with JAX recovering.
One more game in Jolly Ol' London (Ravens/Titans¹) before he international series moves to two games in Germany. Given that American Football is far more popular in Deutschland than in the UK, it's odd that it's taken this long to schedule regular games there.
But then, the League doesn't have a hard-on for moving to Berlin.
But then, the League doesn't have a hard-on for moving to Berlin.
Jags 25, Bills 20
- Sorry about that, Britain.
Houston Texans @ Atlanta Falcons
Just when you're ready and willing to write off the Dirty Birds. And just as ready to anoint the Texans as The Next Big Thing.
CJ Stroud has been getting as many accolades as Desmond Ridder has been catching heat, and both deservedly so. But on Sunday, it was like Ridder suddenly realized "I have weapons!" Kyle Pitts and Drake London combined for 165 yards on 15 catches. Bijon Robinson scored on a six-yard pass The Falcon defense seemed to frustrate Stroud, not with blitzes or fancy disguise coverages, but with straight press coverage throwing off the passing game timing.
This is a fortunate turnaround for ATL. I was certain they were one more offensive dud from full-on mutiny.
This is a fortunate turnaround for ATL. I was certain they were one more offensive dud from full-on mutiny.
We'll see if this is an aberration for either team.
Fun Facts: Stroud passed Dak Prescott for the most passes thrown without an INT to start a career (186 and counting). In the process, he became the first QB of the Super Bowl era to go his first five games without throwing a pick.
Falcons 21, Texans 19.
Carolina Panthers @ Detroit Lions
Bryce Young (25/41 for 247, 3TDs, 2 INTs) is probably seeing Aiden Hutchison¹ (2 sacks, 1 INT, 1 PD) in his sleep.
Lions 42, Panthers 24
- Whom, I will remind you, is a defensive end.
Tennessee Titans @ Indianapolis Colts
The Colts are living proof of the value of good backups.
All the news coming in was Johnathan Taylor coming off the PUP list and promptly signing a 3-year extension. Yet it was Zack Moss (23-165-2) who carried the water.
This was supposed to be our first look at rookie Anthony Richardson and Taylor together. Instead, Richarson got hurt again (shoulder). El Mustachio Magnifico, Gardner Minchew, stepped in and steadied the ship. The defense did the rest, holding King Henry to 43 yards rushing and forcing Overthehill to throw the ball to Nuk Hopkins (8-140) and no one else (no other receiver had more than one catch).
All the news coming in was Johnathan Taylor coming off the PUP list and promptly signing a 3-year extension. Yet it was Zack Moss (23-165-2) who carried the water.
This was supposed to be our first look at rookie Anthony Richardson and Taylor together. Instead, Richarson got hurt again (shoulder). El Mustachio Magnifico, Gardner Minchew, stepped in and steadied the ship. The defense did the rest, holding King Henry to 43 yards rushing and forcing Overthehill to throw the ball to Nuk Hopkins (8-140) and no one else (no other receiver had more than one catch).
And the ticking clock on Mike Vrabel's tenure gets louder.
Colts 23, Titans 16
New York Giants @ Miami Dolphins
If the Giants (without Saquon Barkley) aren't currently the worst team in the league, they're on the short list. They pretty clearly have the worst O-line.¹ Were I Danny Dimes, I'd be filing for divorce on the grounds of "lack of support."
The Dolphins continue to stomp out inferior teams, with rookie sensation De'Von Achane and The Cheetah, Tyreke Hill combining for 332 scrimmage yards and 2 TDs.
Now lets see Miami do this to a good team.
The Dolphins continue to stomp out inferior teams, with rookie sensation De'Von Achane and The Cheetah, Tyreke Hill combining for 332 scrimmage yards and 2 TDs.
Now lets see Miami do this to a good team.
Dolphins 31, Giants 16
- The Panthers and Patriots come close.
New Orleans Saints @ New England Patriots
And fresh off of eating the worst loss of his Patriots career in Dallas, his worst since the days of "Belichoke" in Cleveland, Bill Belichick proceeds to have his worst home loss as desert.
Getting boat raced on the road by Dallas is one thing... But getting stomped out in Gillette Stadium by The Saints?
Getting boat raced on the road by Dallas is one thing... But getting stomped out in Gillette Stadium by The Saints?
Bruh.
Since beating the Jets in Week 3, the Pats have been outscored 72-3. That's a stretch worthy of Hue Jackson and Rod Marinelli.
Since beating the Jets in Week 3, the Pats have been outscored 72-3. That's a stretch worthy of Hue Jackson and Rod Marinelli.
And Darth Hoodie has already stubbornly said "no QB change." Though I'm not sure how much better Bailey Zappe could do behind that trash fire of an O-line. For years, people have been wondering what it would take to make Robert Kraft fire Belichick. Winning six of nine Super Bowls earns you A LOT of rope. But a couple more disasters like this - fueled by the utter lack of talent on a roster that Belichick built - and Kraft might feel he has no choice.
At minimum, I can't see Kraft letting Darth Hoodie retain sole personal power.
At minimum, I can't see Kraft letting Darth Hoodie retain sole personal power.
On the other side, Alvin Kamara became the Saints' leader in TDs with 73 for his career.
Saints 34, Patriots 0
Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers
It was a tale to two halves in (I'm still calling it) Heinz Stadium.
The Ravens and RB8 spent the first half carving up the Steeler defense, as was expected. Jackson had 153 yards passing and 39 rushing in the first half,
After spotting the Ravens a 10-point lead, it was all Steelers all the time in the second half. The Ravens only had 91 yards of offense after halftime, along with eating two turnovers (including a back-breaking red zone INT), a safety on a blocked punt and a four-and-out on their final drive. In fact, here's Baltimore's second half possessions:
Punt, punt, safety, punt, INT, fumble, Downs
You don't see veteran teams come unglued like that very often. Wild stuff.
And Matt Canada lives to see another game.
After spotting the Ravens a 10-point lead, it was all Steelers all the time in the second half. The Ravens only had 91 yards of offense after halftime, along with eating two turnovers (including a back-breaking red zone INT), a safety on a blocked punt and a four-and-out on their final drive. In fact, here's Baltimore's second half possessions:
Punt, punt, safety, punt, INT, fumble, Downs
You don't see veteran teams come unglued like that very often. Wild stuff.
And Matt Canada lives to see another game.
Steelers 17, Ravens 10
Cincinnati Bengals @ Arizona Cardinals
The narrative for the Whodeys coming was two-fold.
- Joe Burrow was injured and needed to rest for a week or two.
- Ja'Marr Chase was being ignored.
Burrow threw for 317 and 3, all three TDs going to Chase (who had 192 yards on a team-record 15 receptions¹). Burrow showed the deep ball touch that had been absent all season up to that point and Chase just plain showed up. Burrow wasn't perfect (36/46 with a pick), but he was miles ahead of where he was just last week.
Arizona managed a 14-10 second quarter lead, but three turnovers and the loss of James Conner (and the running game with him) was too much of a handicap for the Redbirds to overcome.
Bengals 34, Cardinals 20
- Carl Pickens had the previous record with 13 in 1998. Oddly-low totals for a team best, considering some of the receivers this team has had. You'd think Collinsworth or Ochocinco would've grabbed 13 or more two or three times.
Philadelphia Eagles @ Los Angeles Rams
The Eagles came in looking to make sure the Cowboys/Niners winner would remain one game behind them. The Rams came in with the "We're still relevant, dammit" rallying cry.
Philly to LA: LOL NO.
Philly to LA: LOL NO.
Jalen "Has had the 22nd marked since May" Hurts laid down 375 scrimmage yards and 2 TDs (1 rushing, 1 passing) as the Eagles controlled the game for the most part (save for a brief 14-10 Rams lead in the second). Philly had the advantage in yardage (454-249), first downs (28-17) and time of possession (37:55-22:05).
Though the Rams did have one bright spot: The return of Cooper Kupp, who combined with rookie phenom Puca Naucanatata for 15 catches and 189 yards. So there's that.
Eagles 23, Rams 14
New York Jets @ Denver Broncos
Can't blame this one on Vance Joseph (this time).
The Broncos offense bogged down in the second half, save for one drive in the fourth that put them up by three. That's when the Jets defense stepped up big time: Quentin Williams with the strip sack and Bryce Hall follows up with the scoop and score from the Bronco 39.
I'm assuming both men will be getting thank you gifts from Zach Wilson, who threw a bad goal line pick to Patrick Surtain II on the previous drive.
That, a Breece Hall 72-yard run on the Jets' first second half drive, a safety on an end zone Intentional Grounding call and A LOT of Greg Zuerlein (FGs of 30, 26, 27, 22 and 49) were the scoring for the J-E-T-S (Not Impressed).
The Broncos offense bogged down in the second half, save for one drive in the fourth that put them up by three. That's when the Jets defense stepped up big time: Quentin Williams with the strip sack and Bryce Hall follows up with the scoop and score from the Bronco 39.
I'm assuming both men will be getting thank you gifts from Zach Wilson, who threw a bad goal line pick to Patrick Surtain II on the previous drive.
That, a Breece Hall 72-yard run on the Jets' first second half drive, a safety on an end zone Intentional Grounding call and A LOT of Greg Zuerlein (FGs of 30, 26, 27, 22 and 49) were the scoring for the J-E-T-S (Not Impressed).
Chef Russ was 20 of 31 for 196, plus the safety.
Jets 31, Broncos 21
Kansas City Chiefs @ Minnesota Vikings
Trash WR corps and a hobbled Travis Kelce and you still couldn't seal the deal, huh Vikings?
Now at 1-4 questions will arise going forward. Like if/when you pull the trigger on trading Kirk Cousins. With the deadline in a little less than three weeks away, it's a decision that will basically say "We're tanking this season"
With Justin Jefferson on IR at least through the week after the deadline, that choice might have been made for them.
My question is how do they explain not blowing things up and looking to 2024 if the deadline passes,? Out of their next four, only the Niners looks like a sure loss. If they can pull at least a 2-1 pre-deadline stretch (which means beating the Bears and Packers, both on the road), they convince themselves to stay the course. They reach the deadline with one or two wins? My prediction? Get the dynamite.
With Justin Jefferson on IR at least through the week after the deadline, that choice might have been made for them.
My question is how do they explain not blowing things up and looking to 2024 if the deadline passes,? Out of their next four, only the Niners looks like a sure loss. If they can pull at least a 2-1 pre-deadline stretch (which means beating the Bears and Packers, both on the road), they convince themselves to stay the course. They reach the deadline with one or two wins? My prediction? Get the dynamite.
Chiefs 27, Vikings 20
Dallas Cowboys @ San Francisco 49ers (Sunday Night)
#DemBoyz have had this one circled on the calendar since getting spanked by Mr. Relevant, Brock Purdy and the Niners in the playoffs last year. The stage was set for an epic clash between two of the three best teams in the NFC.¹
Of course, such highly anticipated matchups have an equal chance of being as advertised, a blowout or a 10-6 stiff. We got the middle choice. And Dallas ended up on the wrong end of the blowout.²
The Niners owned this game from wire to wire, beating the 'Boys in every facet, and it wasn't close. Especially in the second half, where Run CMC and co beat the Cowboys defense into submission.
And you want to know what really hurts for a guy like me (other than watching my favorite team get donkey punched on network TV)? Purdy is exactly the type of guy real football fans should get behind: A low-drafted, high football IQ guy who made the most of the opportunity that dropped in his lap³. Measurables are mid, didn't have the highlight reels or impressive Combine/Senior Bowl tape. Just a solid prospect who fell into the perfect position.
Of course, such highly anticipated matchups have an equal chance of being as advertised, a blowout or a 10-6 stiff. We got the middle choice. And Dallas ended up on the wrong end of the blowout.²
The Niners owned this game from wire to wire, beating the 'Boys in every facet, and it wasn't close. Especially in the second half, where Run CMC and co beat the Cowboys defense into submission.
And you want to know what really hurts for a guy like me (other than watching my favorite team get donkey punched on network TV)? Purdy is exactly the type of guy real football fans should get behind: A low-drafted, high football IQ guy who made the most of the opportunity that dropped in his lap³. Measurables are mid, didn't have the highlight reels or impressive Combine/Senior Bowl tape. Just a solid prospect who fell into the perfect position.
I can only assume they're saving the TB12 comparisons for if/when he wins a ring.
Seriously, why isnt Purdy getting more MVP run?
All of this is in sharp contrast to Dak Prescott, who just looks... Wrong. He's holding the ball WAY too long (rather than taking off or throwing it away), off target on anything over ten yards and looks like he's never heard of the concept of "throw your guy open". Not that the play calling is helping. Where's this "Texas Coast Offense" that was supposed to take us to the next level? As pointed out last week, McCarthy CLEARLY doesn't trust his O-line and doesn't seem to know what "extra tight ends" or "max protection" mean. Brian Broaddus of Cowboys Media said back in July that his bold prediction is Brian Schottenheimer taking over play calling after the Charger game.
Seriously, why isnt Purdy getting more MVP run?
All of this is in sharp contrast to Dak Prescott, who just looks... Wrong. He's holding the ball WAY too long (rather than taking off or throwing it away), off target on anything over ten yards and looks like he's never heard of the concept of "throw your guy open". Not that the play calling is helping. Where's this "Texas Coast Offense" that was supposed to take us to the next level? As pointed out last week, McCarthy CLEARLY doesn't trust his O-line and doesn't seem to know what "extra tight ends" or "max protection" mean. Brian Broaddus of Cowboys Media said back in July that his bold prediction is Brian Schottenheimer taking over play calling after the Charger game.
My bold prediction? They lose to San Diego LA and Son of Marty takes over because Mike McCarthy got fired. Seriously, the man's running out of excuses. And I'm sure Trader Jerry is out of patience.
This team needs to rack up wins now because that late season schedule is BRUTAL.
And Tall Glass of Shut The Fuck Up (SIGH) to Micah Parsons, for this postgame brilliance:
"I don't think they're really a higher level than us," Parsons said postgame. "I think we're the same caliber playoff team, if not the same talent standard as them. I just feel like we really need to reconsider some things, get together and fix some things. I feel like it was a few plays away."The score don't really shape what happened out there."
Micah, buddy... I appreciate the energy. I love that you're keeping your head up after a bad loss. But that's bullshit and you know it. You don't catch a three-score, shut down at every turn, the crowd is calling for YOUR third string QB to play beat down because you "had a bad day" or a couple of bad beats. You catch it because that team is just that much better than you and this is the third consecutive time they've proven it.
Take the L and move on, sir.
Niners 42, Cowboys 10
- And I place the Lions, not the Eagles, in that third slot as of right now.
- Seriously, Ambar Garcia from the Cowboys Break podcast was in tears trying to break this game down. It was that bad.
- like a certain Luckiest Sumbitch Ever who shall remain nameless
Green Bay Packers @ Las Vegas Raiders (Monday Night)
Some games are like watching a CPU vs CPU match on Madden, set to Pro level. Not actively bad, not quite boring, just... There. Especially if you're not a particular fan of either team or any of the players.
Though it was frustrating if you're a Josh McDaniel hater who anticipates his eventual flame out. Once again, his team bails him out from a questionable decision - in this case, kicking to go up by 7 instead of going for the first down and the kill shot. Of course Daniel Carlson (playing his brother, Anders, the Packers' K for the first time) missed. And of course (yet again) the defense bailed him out with Pick #3 of Jordan Love (Which Christian Waston hauls in for the winning score if Love lets it go earlier or with a bit more on it)
Not-Rodgers finished the night with 16/30 for 182 with the three picks. His counterpart Jimmy GeeWhiz (why does he still have a job) finished a notch better (208, 1 and 1).
Not-Rodgers finished the night with 16/30 for 182 with the three picks. His counterpart Jimmy GeeWhiz (why does he still have a job) finished a notch better (208, 1 and 1).
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