#NFL Week 7

Welcome to the Week in Review!  Home of the Whopper(s)!

[TNF] New Orleans Saints @ Arizona Cardinals

The Narrative:

Two teams looking to answer offensive questions, one coach who’s seat is getting hotter and hotter and one network looking to put on at least one entertaining, competitive game before Thanksgiving.

The Outcome:

Well, we got competitive right up until the 3:00 mark of the first half. When the Cards scored on back-to-back Pick Sixes to turn a 14-14 tie into a 14-point lead and the rout was on. Add in an earlier Andy Dalton INT that killed a scoring opportunity and that’s a 17-point directly on turnovers.

Not too many teams have to steel to overcome that many self-inflicted wounds. The Saints scored twice in the fourth to make it respectable, but that was pure Garbage Time scoring. If nothing else, this fail cluster should kill any talk of leaving Dalton in when Rapey McCrablegs heals (See also: Cooper Rush over Dak Prescott)

This only lowers the temp on Kliff Kingsbury so much, as the defense did most of the heavy lifting on this night. And the Cards’ second half swoons under Kingsbury have been the real issue anyway.


Cardinals 42, Saints 34

Atlanta Falcons @ Cincinnati Bengals

The Narrative:

For Atlanta it’s “Can they get enough out of their passing game to compensate when their rush attack is slowed or worse” (Read: Is Marcus Mariota the answer?) For Cincy, it’s “Can they round into 2021 shape before they kill Joe Burrow?”


The Outcome:

On the bright side for the Dirty Birds, the Bengals are likely the best team they’ll face until December when they face the Ravens. The Bengals offense struck early and often, with Tyler Boyd racking up 129 of his career-high 155 receiving yards in the first quarter (including an in-stride 60-yd bomb). The Falcons simply couldn’t keep up. Take away his 75-yard bomb to Damiere Byrd, Mariota finishes 7 of 12 for 49 yards. Not that that’s great shakes WITH the bomb.

Another couple of games like this and the calls for Desmond Ritter will be deafening.


Bengals 35, Falcons 17

1. Yes, I am disrespecting you, Chargers.

Detroit Lions @ Dallas Cowboys

The Narrative: 

For Detroit: Is the offensive flame out a blip on the radar, the real Lions showing through or them just hitting better defenses? For Dallas: How fast can Dak get back into sync (or rather just “into sync”) with the offense? He wasn’t exactly looking like a star when got knocked out in Week 1.


The Outcome: 

6-3 Lions lead at half.

Cowboys D: Fuck it. We’ll do it ourselves.


The Dallas defense utterly shut down Detroit in the second half, forcing five turnovers (including two strip-sacks). Here’s the breakdown of Lions possessions in the second half: INT, punt, fumble, INT, fumble, INT.


Dak and the offense didn’t have to do much to take advantage as every one of their three second half scores came off of one of those turnovers. Zeke Elliot scored two 1-yarders and Dak threw his first TD of the year to rookie TE Peyton “I hope he becomes a star for that name alone” Hendershot. Tony Pollard added 109 yards from scrimmage. Run defense is still a problem (Jamaal Williams ran for 79 yards on 15 carries), but that was the one real blemish for Dallas on the day.¹ We can assume more offensive punch will come once Dak rounds back into shape. That will be needed to keep pace with Philly and the Giants (!) in division. A task that got harder once it was official CB Jourdan Lewis is out for the season with a lisfranc injury.

As for the Lions... This is looking dangerously like “Stopped Listening To The Coach” territory for Dan Campbell. Barring a drastic turnaround (not likely, with that defense), I can’t see Campbell surviving past Black Monday.


Cowboys 24, Lions 6

1. Something they've (finally) addressed by sending a 2023 6th to the Raiders for DT Johnathan Hankins.

Indianapolis Colts @ Tennessee Titans

The Narrative:

Time for this week's episode of Who Wants To Win The AFC South?


The Outcome

Not the Colts!

Three turnovers and another Matt Ryan dud (33/44 for 243, 1 TD, 2 INTs, 3 sacks) sank the Colts’ efforts. Even the returns of Johnathan Taylor (10-58) and Nyheem Hines (5-41 receiving) didn’t help. The Colts’ offensive dud allowed four Randy Bullock FGs and an pick six by S Andrew Adams to be all the scoring the Titans needed.


As long as they stay healthy, the AFC South is Tennessee’s to lose, at this point.


Titans 19, Colts 10

Green Bay Packers @ Washington Commanders

The Narrative:

Discount Double Check and the Cheeseheads look to get right vs. last year’s feel good story, Taylor Heineke, pressed into service with Carson Wentz’s injury.


The Outcome:





Deadnames 23, Packers 21

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers

The Narrative:

If anything says “get right game”, it’s playing a Panther team that’s shipped off their arguable tw best offensive players and is starting the USFL’s own P.J. Walker at QB.


The Outcome:

Remember, Mr. Brady: These are the experiences you seemingly sacrificed your marriage for. #TheSchadenfraudeIsStrong #Haterade #YourTearsAreDelicious


And, of course, the Bucs get Baltimore on the short week, likely down Antoine Winfield Jr as well. Good luck, ya filthy animals!


Panthers 21, Bucs 3

New York Giants @ Jacksonville Jaguars

The Narrative:

The inexplicably 5-1 Giants look to keep the momentum going in Jacksonville,vs. a Jags team looking to learn to get out of its own way.


The Outcome:

Don’t get closer than that.


The Giants’ defense came up clutch on the final play, making sure Christian “Remember When Folks Actually Thought I Was a WR1?” Kirk was stuffed on the one-yard line as time ran out, preserving a hard-fought road win.


This was arguably the Jags’ most complete game, win or lose. Travis Etienne had his best game as a pro with 114 yards and a score on 14 carries. Which looks good for his future as the Jags RB1, as James Robinson was traded to the Jets on Monday (more on why in a bit). Trevor Lawrence threw for 310 yards, but could look to shore up the completion percentage (22/43).

Saquon Barkley (24-110 rushing, plus 25 receiving) increases his lock on Comeback Player of the Year and continues to stake his claim to All-Pro status.


The Giants are now 6-1, second in the NFC East, and look to be favorites up until the rematch with Dallas in a month. That still makes no sense.

Giants 23, Jaguars 17

Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens

The Narrative:

W,L,W,L,W,L... Welp, Ravens win. Drive safe everybody!


The Outcome:


And the pattern holds. Despite the Nevermores trying their best to blow another double-digit lead (Justice Hill fumbling on the Browns 26 with under 3:30 left in the game), they were saved ultimately by the power of the Factory of Sadness (The Browns followed up the HIll fumble with a blocked 61-yd FG attempt) and their continual and baffling tendency to get pass-happy in the end game and ignore Nick Chubb, the NFL’s rushing leader and BY FAR their most dependable offensive weapon.


In the end: Browns Gonna Brown


Ravens 23, Browns 20

New York Jets @ Denver Broncos

The Narrative:

Brett “Son of Marc” Rypien takes the reins from an injured Mr. Ciara and Denver hopes for SOME sort of offensive spark vs. the suddenly relevant J-E-T-S (Real This Time?).


The Outcome:

And... Didn’t help.


Rypien put in a serviceable 24/46 for 225 yards. If they were truly looking for a spark, they ain’t finding it with Rypien.

Of course, getting near-identical results with your $245mil vet and your third-year backup tends to say “coaching.” Which does bode well for Nathaniel Hackett’s future prospects in the Mile High.


Meanwhile, the win was costly for NYJ: They lost rookie phenom Bryce Hall for the season with a knee injury (hence, the later Robinson trade). Michael Carter likely gets the start at New England, while they get Robinson up to speed. Hope this doesn’t derail the Jets’ season. A feisty Jets team is good for everybody.


Jets 16, Broncos 9

Houston Texans @ Las Vegas Raiders

The Narrative:


Tankathon ‘22 rolls into Sin City with Davis Mills still behind the wheel (and Lovey Smith strapped to the front grill).. The Raiders look to use Houston as a springboard to a turnaround, as their schedule is appreciably lighter than in the first six weeks.


The Outcome:

Mills played his best game of the season (302 yds, 2 TDs). Naturally, this was time for the Texans’ run defense to check out. I mean REALLY check out: Josh Jacobs had HIS best game of the season (20-143, 3 TDs). This makes him the third Raider RB with multiple 3 TD games, joining Marcus Allen and Pete Banaszak.


Tankathon ‘22 couldn’t be going more perfectly for Houston. Likely two top draft picks, plus an easily scapegoated and discarded QB and HC.


Raiders 38, Texans 20

Seattle Seahawks @ San Diego Los Angeles Chargers

The Narrative:

The Geno Smith Redemption Tour rolls into the City of Angels to face a Charger team no one has any faith in.


The Outcome:

And that’s why no one has any faith.


When you let your STILL-INJURED QB throw 51 times in a game when you were within one score into the fourth quarter, and your Pro Bowl RB is healthy and available (Austin Eckler had nine carries), you have questionable judgment.


Geno, BTW, finished with 20-27 pasing, for 210yds, 2 TD and a pick. And he did it largely without DK Metcalf, who was carted off with a knee injury. Mecalf did not have any tendon tears in, but it’s unknown how long he’ll be out.


Seahawks 37, Chargers 23

Kansas City Chiefs @ San Francisco 49ers

The Narrative:


The marquee matchup of the week, and was even before San Fran pulled of the trade for Run CMC. The league's best offense vs. arguably the best defense.


The Outcome:


Is it just me or is the way 90% of Chiefs games go, as least since the first Reid/Mahomes Super Bowl year? The Niners take a 10-0 lead. Looks like the Chiefs might have a scrap on their hands. You go grab a snack and when you come back, the Chiefs have scored three TDs.

They’re like the Road Runner and their opponents are Wile E Coyote: They get to where they think they can take the Chiefs down when suddenly “MEEP MEEP” and they’re up by 17.


After five weeks of nothing, JuJu Smith-Schuster seems to be finding his way in the KC offense (7-124-1). McCaffery was 8-38 rushing and 2-24 receiving in his Niner debut. Which isn’t all that bad, considering he probably had less than a week of practice.


Too bad their QB is still Jimmy Garapollo.


Chiefs 44, Niners 23

[SNF] Pittsburgh Steelers @ Miami Dolphins

The Narrative:


Tua Tangyvanilla returns from two weeks of recovering from brain scrambling. Two weeks during which fell back below the mean and couldn’t keep any of their Tua replacements on the field. The Steelers go back to Kenny Pickett after Mitch Trubisky played his magnum opus coming off the bench.


The Outcome:

The Fins intercepted Pickett twice, after not pulling down an INT since Week 1. Tua returned with a respectable 261 and a TD. Both teams did most of their damage in the first half and basically traded jabs for the entire second half.


Riveting.


Seriously, there were only three drives total in the second half of more than five plays. Miami had one 8-play drive (punt) and the Steelers had 12 and 10 on their last two drives (both Pickett INTs).


This would’ve been boring for a Bradshaw/Griese clash.


Dolphins 16, Steelers 10

[MNF] Chicago Bears @ New England Patriots

The Narrative:


The Hoodie is (perhaps unwisely) going back to the now-healthy Mac Jones, instead of staying with the feel-good hot hand, Bailey Zappe, in his efforts to offically pass Papa Bear Halas on the wins list. The Bears are just looking to not get embarrassed.


The Outcome:


Shout out to everyone who made bank betting on the Bears. You degenerates.


In his return, Jones went 3/6 for 13 yards and an INT. The next drive after the pick, Zappe subbed in for Jones and played the rest of the game (14/22 for 185, 1 and 2), leading the Pats to their only scores of the game, before the Bears put the hammer down. Belichick insists Jones wasn’t benched for performance.

 

 

The Bears generated 390 yards total offense and got four total takeaways on defense. That’s gonna put you on the winning side more often than not. Justin Fields went 13 of 21 passes for 179 yards and a TD, adding a team-leading 82 rushing with another TD.

It’s like the Bears coaches FINALLY realized letting Fields operate in a spread and use his athleticism (you know, the things that made him a top-5 pick) might work better than trying to force him into being a dropback passer.


Low key damning stat for the Pats: Chicago had 11 third-down conversions in the game.

The win snaps Da Bears’ three-game losing streak. It also breaks New England’s two-game win streak.

Now lets see if Belichick does the right thing and goes to Zappe or will he stubbornly stick to his chosen Brady successor?

Better luck next time on the wins thing, BTW...

Bears 33, Patriots 14