(2023) Week 4 in Review
Welcome to the Week in Review, where we in fact DO wear a mask in our car. Because "screw you," that's why.
(TNF) Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers
I want to say Green Bay kept up with the New Look™ Lions. That they gave it the ol' college try.
Nope.
Young Jordan Love and the Pack got dogwalked in the first half, digging a hole they couldn't like out of (again). Then hit a few YOLO shots in the third and fourth to make it respectable. Once again, the Packers O-line (without David Bakhtiari) couldn't get any run game going (12-27 as a team) and couldn't protect Love (5 sacks, 11 QB hits). Gonna need to fix that if they want Love to survive the season, let alone contend.
Meanwhile, the Lions are looking like they might be a force to reckon with. Not on San Fran's level, but possibly on Philly and Dallas'.
Nope.
Young Jordan Love and the Pack got dogwalked in the first half, digging a hole they couldn't like out of (again). Then hit a few YOLO shots in the third and fourth to make it respectable. Once again, the Packers O-line (without David Bakhtiari) couldn't get any run game going (12-27 as a team) and couldn't protect Love (5 sacks, 11 QB hits). Gonna need to fix that if they want Love to survive the season, let alone contend.
Meanwhile, the Lions are looking like they might be a force to reckon with. Not on San Fran's level, but possibly on Philly and Dallas'.
Lions 34, Packers 20
(Wembley Stadium) Atlanta Falcons vs Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jags continue both to be disappointing and to test the waters of a permanent across-the-pond move. This time vs. the even more disappointing Falcons. While Duval waits for Trevor Lawrence and the boys to finally in gear, Dirty Bird Nation waits for the Falcons offense (outside of Bijan Robinson) to get out of neutral. Desmond Ridder is showing no signs of improvement. In fact, he seems to be regressing. The pass protection is doing him no favors (4 sacks, 7 hits). Might be time to give Taylor Heineke a run and see if he can provide the same kind of spark he did once upon a time in Washington.
Because this?
Because this?
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| This is fine. #FlamesEverywhere |
This cannot continue.
And the year's first Tall Glass of Shut The Fuck Up to all the so-called "adults" bitching about the "Toy Story/Andy's Room" simulcast. "It was so dumbed down". "It was weird and kiddyfied." "What part of "IT'S FOR KIDS! YOUNG KIDS!" did you not understand?
Jaguars 23, Falcons 7
Miami Dolphins @ Buffalo Bills
Surf and Turf Round 1!
Here we have the nominal matchup of the week. The Dolphins had been the talk of the league. Their "unstoppable" high-speed offense fresh from laying the biggest smackdown on an opponent since The Merger. After a worrying loss to the freshly-Rogersless Jets, the Bills rebounded to beat their next two opponents 75-13. Irresistible Force v Immovable Object time!
And (as these type matchups usually go) the superior defense triumphed overwhelmingly.
And (as these type matchups usually go) the superior defense triumphed overwhelmingly.
And oh yeah, we forgot the Dolphins defense was kinda sus.
Josh "White Jamal¹" Allen outplayed Tua Tangyvanilla in every aspect, playing pitch and catch with his (apparently un-tackleable) receivers all day long, to the tune of 320 and 4 TDs (3 to Stefon Diggs), with a 5th tacked on with an 11-yard scoring run.
I'm sure the Fish will get their own back against the (checks schedule)... Giants.
Oh, dear. That could get all-caps ugly.
Josh "White Jamal¹" Allen outplayed Tua Tangyvanilla in every aspect, playing pitch and catch with his (apparently un-tackleable) receivers all day long, to the tune of 320 and 4 TDs (3 to Stefon Diggs), with a 5th tacked on with an 11-yard scoring run.
I'm sure the Fish will get their own back against the (checks schedule)... Giants.
Oh, dear. That could get all-caps ugly.
Meanwhile, the Bills take their "rightful" place atop the AFC East once again.
Bills 48, Dolphins 20
Minnesota Vikings @ Carolina Panthers
Kirk, buddy. You had to know one of those Panthers was going to be BEGGING YOU to try and make the tackle. You had to know they'd be free to tee off on you if you did.
You have no one to blame for that but yourself.
Vikings 21, Panthers 13
Denver Broncos @ Chicago Bears
The Praying for a Tie Bowl goes to Team #LetRussCookAgain
But the fact that Vance Joseph (as of this writing) is still the Broncos' DC is an organizational failure on the part of Denver.
This was a top-ten defense last year. A defense that pretty much brought everyone back. And they're out there making Justin Fields - fresh off his worst start as a pro - look like prime Cam Newton. He hadn't had a two-TD pass game this season and now he racked up four. Khalil Herbert, who looked like a stiff the previous two weeks, ran off 103 yards at a 5.7 per carry clip.
This was ugly.
And the fact that they still won doesn't make it any less so.
Not that letting the Bears get up 28-7 makes the offense look any better. Yeah, they stormed back and took the game. But they needed a late rally to beat CHICAGO.- a team that came in having a lead in exactly zero seconds in any of their previous three games.
Not that letting the Bears get up 28-7 makes the offense look any better. Yeah, they stormed back and took the game. But they needed a late rally to beat CHICAGO.- a team that came in having a lead in exactly zero seconds in any of their previous three games.
Even a win, you cover yourselves in shame. SHAAAAAAME.
That being said, Matt Eberflus needs to be fired along with Joseph. Tied at 28 late in the fourth, rather than kick a relative gimme from the Bronco 18, Eberflus elected to go for it on fourth and one. Herbert up the middle out of the shotgun, no gain. Turnover on downs.
Push all my buttons why doncha?!
YOU WERE O-3! YOU HADN'T BEEN TIED OUTSIDE OF THE FIRST QUARTER ALL SEASON! TAKE THE POINTS, YOU FUCKING STOOGE!!!
Eberflus tried to say he went for it because they'd had so much success running the ball. Sure, but NONE OF IT WAS UP THE MIDDLE.
Eberflus tried to say he went for it because they'd had so much success running the ball. Sure, but NONE OF IT WAS UP THE MIDDLE.
In fact, fuck everyone involved here. NEXT.
Broncos 31, Bears 28 (OT)
Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns
And this is why you don't put all your eggs in the "He looked good in preseason" basket.
Dorian Thompson-Robinson - heralded as a revelation in the preseason, the reason they let Josh Dobbs be traded to Arizona - was pressed into service at the last moment. A still-recovering Deshaun "I should really come up with a disparaging nickname for this trash pile" Watson begged off of the start, leaving Robinson to face the Ravens with virtually no prep.
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| It went about how you'd expect. |
Not that the rookie deserves all the blame. Or even the lion's share. The Brown's defense was supposed ot be their calling card this season. Through three weeks they looked to be among the AFC's best. First in every statistical category. Myles Garrett again looked like a DPOY contender.
And RB8 made them look like chumps. Lamar Jackson had four TDs, 2 passing, 2 rushing.
It seems that, when it comes to the Ravens, #BrownsGonnaBrown.
Ravens 28, Browns 3
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Houston Texans
They say changing coaches at this point won't do any good. Changing systems might do more harm than good.
Frankly that's bullshit. How much worse can it get offensively for the Steelers? Kenny Pickett is looking more and more like Fool's Gold with every snap. It absolutely is not being helped by Matt Canada's atrocious play calling. I know Coach Omar Epps takes his cues from his bosses in the Rooney Family when it comes to making changes (read: not until you absolutely have to). But who doesn't think we've seen enough from Canada at a minimum? Either bench Pickett and see if Mitch Trubisky can pull a Baker Mayfield or get rid of Canada and see if that sparks Pickett.
An angry-as-I've-ever-seen-him Tomlin said "changes will be made". We'll see, buddy. We'll see.
Frankly that's bullshit. How much worse can it get offensively for the Steelers? Kenny Pickett is looking more and more like Fool's Gold with every snap. It absolutely is not being helped by Matt Canada's atrocious play calling. I know Coach Omar Epps takes his cues from his bosses in the Rooney Family when it comes to making changes (read: not until you absolutely have to). But who doesn't think we've seen enough from Canada at a minimum? Either bench Pickett and see if Mitch Trubisky can pull a Baker Mayfield or get rid of Canada and see if that sparks Pickett.
An angry-as-I've-ever-seen-him Tomlin said "changes will be made". We'll see, buddy. We'll see.
That being said... Damn, Texans!
Everyone had them on the short list for the #1 pick. Even if CJ Stroud proved to be the truth, they didn't have the horses to do more than play spoiler. Four wins was considered a higher-end result for the season. This, to sum up, was not a team that was going to boat race teams, no matter how bad.
Everyone had them on the short list for the #1 pick. Even if CJ Stroud proved to be the truth, they didn't have the horses to do more than play spoiler. Four wins was considered a higher-end result for the season. This, to sum up, was not a team that was going to boat race teams, no matter how bad.
Now? Eight wins is looking more likely at this point and if they can steal a couple here and there, they can nab the AFC South outright.
If that happens - hell, if that's still a possibility come December - just call Offensive Rookie of the Year (Stroud) and Coach of the Year (DeMeco Ryans) right then.
If that happens - hell, if that's still a possibility come December - just call Offensive Rookie of the Year (Stroud) and Coach of the Year (DeMeco Ryans) right then.
Texans 30, Steelers 3
Los Angeles Rams @ Indianapolis Colts
It was right there for the young Colts' taking. Matt Stafford playing hurt (again), Brett Maher spraying balls left and right (again). Clawing back from a 23-0 deficit to tie at 23.
But when they had a chance to drive down with under two minutes left, the Colts' receiver corps let young Anthony Richardson down. Three-and-out. Three straight incompletions. Three straight catchable balls hitting the ground.
Take it to OT, the NFL's new darling Puca Nacuamatata, wins the game with his first(?) TD catch.
So close.
Get Richardson a true WRI (a slot Michael Pittman is failing to secure) and this team could do some things. Hell, it's looking more and more like them and the Texans(!) are going to vie for the division crown this season.
Also, I know the Rams brass has to be stressing about Stafford. He can't keep bouncing back from these injuries. That's what they drafted Stetson Bennett for, but he seems to have fucked off to the same place Calvin Ridley retreated to. If Stafford can't go, Brett Rypien is the guy. And does that fill anyone - let alone Rams Nation - with optimism?
And Tall Glass of STFU #2 to NFL Redzone's Scott Hanson.: Anthony Richardson has scored a rushing TD in each of his first three games as a pro. An NFL first.
"Mike Vick didn't do that. Cam Newton didn't do that. Lamar Jackson didn't do that."What's wrong with that? That third name is not the one he used:
"Mike Vick didn't do that. Cam Newton didn't do that. Tim Tebow didn't do that."
One of these things is not like the other, indeed. While what he said is technically true... Come on, now!
Rams 29, Colts 23 (OT)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New Orleans Saints
Seriously, why does the Saints coaching staff hate Jameis Winston?
Are they #MeToo advocates? Stauch anti-shoplifting activists? Dedicated to fighting the tide of athletic dual-threat QBs?
What else explains why they'd go with a clearly injured Derek Carr over Rapey McCrablegs?
Are they #MeToo advocates? Stauch anti-shoplifting activists? Dedicated to fighting the tide of athletic dual-threat QBs?
What else explains why they'd go with a clearly injured Derek Carr over Rapey McCrablegs?
23-of-37 for 127. Thirteen of them going to recently-unsuspended Alvin Kamara? For THIRTY-THREE FRIGGIN YARDS? And you thought that was good enough to roll with, even after falling behind by two, three scores?
Make it make sense, somebody!
Meanwhile Baker Mayfield (246, 3 and 1) is showing them¹ how it's done.
Bucs 26, Saints 9
- And by "them", I mean "the Browns."
Washington Commanders @ Philadelphia Eagles
AJ Brown nearly went from hero to goat.
Brown had a 9 catch, 175 yard, 2 TD day go to waste, as he was called for Taunting after his second TD gave the Eagles a 31-24 lead with under 2 minutes left. The 15 yard penalty was just enough to let Sam Howell and the Commanders drive the lenght of the field and hit Jahan Dotson for the tying score as time expired.
The Eagles stopped the To Be Named in OT and got a Jake Elliott 54-yarder to win. Crisis (and shame) averted.
If the Commanders were in a less top-heavy divisions (read: the North or South) they'd be a clear playoff contender. Here in the East? They may not win enough games to save Ron Rivera's job.
The Eagles stopped the To Be Named in OT and got a Jake Elliott 54-yarder to win. Crisis (and shame) averted.
If the Commanders were in a less top-heavy divisions (read: the North or South) they'd be a clear playoff contender. Here in the East? They may not win enough games to save Ron Rivera's job.
Oh, and Tall Glass of STFU #3 to Riverboat Ron for his post-game explanation as to why he didn't go for two and the win after the Dotson TD.
"Guys were gassed."
"Guys were gassed."
I'm sorry... WHAT?¹
That's exactly when you go for two. You get the win when you can because if they can't get the two, what are the odds they can get seven in OT or stop the Eagles from same (which they couldn't, as it turned out).
That's not "doing what's best for the team" talk; that's "doing what's best to save my job" talk.
That's not "doing what's best for the team" talk; that's "doing what's best to save my job" talk.
Eagles 34, TBA 31 (OT)
- $1 to JaguarGator9
Cincinnati Bengals @ Tennessee Titans
Okay, Cincy. I know Joe Burrow is you boy. You go as far as he can take you.
But he's clearly hurting right now. And that pain is hurting his play. And that is hurting your chances to win. 3/30 for 165, long of 17.
But he's clearly hurting right now. And that pain is hurting his play. And that is hurting your chances to win. 3/30 for 165, long of 17.
if Jake Browning can't do better than that, why's he on the roster? Sit Burrow at least two weeks. Let him heal.
Not that the Titans have room to gloat. Ryan Overthehill will cost them at least two wins this season, mark my words.
Titans 27, Bengals 3
Las Vegas Raiders @ Los Angeles Chargers
The "Should've Stayed Where You Were" Bowl went to the Bolts, on the strength of Khalil Mack's team-record 6 sacks and Justin "I guess I'm the whole offense now" Herbert's three TDs (2 rushing).
And despite the heroics of the above two men, it was clear to anyone watching that if Jimmy Garoppolo was playing (out with concussion), they probably lose. Herbert had career lows in completions (13), attempts (24) and yardage (167), the running game was basically one Derrius Davis 51-yard jet sweep and Herbert's TD runs of 12 and 1.¹ And whatever positives Aidan O'Connell brought in places of Jimmy G, avoiding sacks wasn't one of them (ate seven total²). Nor was holding on to the ball: His fumbles on back-to-back drives led to 14 Charger points and his late INT to Asante Samuel Jr sealed the game for the Chargers.
And despite the heroics of the above two men, it was clear to anyone watching that if Jimmy Garoppolo was playing (out with concussion), they probably lose. Herbert had career lows in completions (13), attempts (24) and yardage (167), the running game was basically one Derrius Davis 51-yard jet sweep and Herbert's TD runs of 12 and 1.¹ And whatever positives Aidan O'Connell brought in places of Jimmy G, avoiding sacks wasn't one of them (ate seven total²). Nor was holding on to the ball: His fumbles on back-to-back drives led to 14 Charger points and his late INT to Asante Samuel Jr sealed the game for the Chargers.
Hope San Diego LA sent him a game ball.
Chargers 24, Raiders 17
- Take away those three plays and the Chargers had 34 rushes for 94 yards.
- The non-Mack sack was credited to "team".
New England Patriots @ Dallas Cowboys
As a Cowboys fan, there should be plenty to crow about coming out of this game. I should be praising the righting of the ship after last week's Debacle in the Desert. About how the defense picked up two more scores and three turnovers overall. How they chased Mac Jones (WHO?) from the game, to be replaced by Bailey Zappe (for all the good it did).
No, all I could see was Dallas looking like shit in the Red Zone AGAIN. How it was clear Mike McCarthy has no idea what a "Jumbo Package" is. That it took an embarrassing three tries to ram it in from 4 yards out late in the game, against a Pats defense that seemed to be holding up more out of spite than team spirit. That it was clear that they only took those shots¹ to prove that they could². That it's clear that McCarthy has no faith in this O-Line to get any push up the middle (and a particularly weird tendency not to use his TE-sized QB on called runs or dives up close.)
All it did was reinforce what the Cardinals game showed: If you've got the horses up front, the Cowboys can be bullied (on both sides). I don't doubt Dan Quinn's ability to scheme up something to at least mitigate the lack of push in the middle. I don't believe in McCarthy's ability to do the same.
And of course, Darth Hoodie has already said Jones is under center for the Saints. Seriously, he's banished starters on offense and defense to the bench for far lesser offenses than Jones' lackluster-at-best play. Zappe has outplayed Jones every time he's been given a chance. Give him the nod and let him cook, Bill.
All it did was reinforce what the Cardinals game showed: If you've got the horses up front, the Cowboys can be bullied (on both sides). I don't doubt Dan Quinn's ability to scheme up something to at least mitigate the lack of push in the middle. I don't believe in McCarthy's ability to do the same.
And of course, Darth Hoodie has already said Jones is under center for the Saints. Seriously, he's banished starters on offense and defense to the bench for far lesser offenses than Jones' lackluster-at-best play. Zappe has outplayed Jones every time he's been given a chance. Give him the nod and let him cook, Bill.
#DemBoyz 38, Evil Empire 3
- Two of which were out of the Thrice Damned shotgun.
- Only to prove they couldn't.
Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers
Here is where the Cards supposed to show the world if they're ready for prime time. Whether or not the win vs. Dallas was a fluke or not.
Here in the aftermath, I don't know if they're "ready for prime time," but they damn sure weren't ready for the Niners.
I don't think anyone in the NFC is.
I don't think anyone in the NFC is.
Run CMC scored 4 TDs and Brandon Ayuk added a fifth as they remained undefeated. The Cards had to pull out all the stops just to keep it this close: Going for a 4th-and-7 in the second quarter, pulling a fake punt deep in their own territory, scoring 10 points off those bold moves. It still wasn't enough.
Josh "Don't forget the Steelers had this guy and dumped him for Kenny Pickett" Dobbs continues to make the most of his opportunity, throwing for 265 and 2 scores. he's setting up quite the dillema¹ should he keep up this level of play once Kyler Murray is cleared.
Niners 35, Cards 16
- A "controversy" if you will.
(SNF) Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets
Zach Wilson played the best game as a pro on Sunday. He still lost. That is the Jets in a nutshell.
The Chiefs jumped out to a 17-0 lead and everyone thought the rout was on.
Then a mistake by the Chiefs offense (a Face Mask in the end zone resulting in an automatic safety) seem to jumpstart the Jets, who proceeded to outscore the Chefs 18-3 in the second and third quarters to get things tied at 20. They looked ready and willing to trade shots with Mahomes and co until the end. Then the Chiefs answered by doing something I didn't know Andy Reid knew how to do: Going ball control.
The Chiefs jumped out to a 17-0 lead and everyone thought the rout was on.
Then a mistake by the Chiefs offense (a Face Mask in the end zone resulting in an automatic safety) seem to jumpstart the Jets, who proceeded to outscore the Chefs 18-3 in the second and third quarters to get things tied at 20. They looked ready and willing to trade shots with Mahomes and co until the end. Then the Chiefs answered by doing something I didn't know Andy Reid knew how to do: Going ball control.
A 14-play, 80-yard drive went through the first five minutes of the fourth, ending in a Harrison Butker 26-yarder. The J-E-T-S (Oh FUCK Me) looked to answer when Zach Attack made his one true mistake of the night: mishandling the snap, resulting in a lost fumble. KC then ground out the last 7.5 minutes. An effort helped out by a questionable holding call on Sauce Gardner. Not saying the Jets win or even tie had they gotten the ball back at that point. But Jets Nation will act like that was a given.
They'll also take as give that this was the "real" Zach Wilson and that this is who we'll see going forward. We've seen that movie before.
Chiefs 23, Jets 20
(MNF) Seattle Seahawks @ New York Giants (TB)
Okay, Giants. This might be Now or Never. Seattle lost Jamal Adams (on his first game back from injury) after the first series (concussion). They lost Geno Smith (leg) soon after. Between that and injuries on the front line, you'll have no finer time to steal a win than this. Let's see what you got?
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| Gentlemen, behold! MID! |
Okay... Eleven sacks will put you in a hole no matter what, but it's not inescapable. What else you got?
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| This is fine. #EverythingIsOnFire |
That'll do it.
Geno eventually returned to the game, but that doesn't mean he doesn't sit for a week or two. If that's the case, they better hope Drew Lock is as solid as they claim. With San Fran and the Rams in the division, they don't have much wiggle room if they want a playoff berth.
As for the Giants... Saquon Barkley will only be able to do so much. When a team sends multiple corner blitzes at you (ad gets home twice), it means they think your line/backs can't pick up the blitz and neither your QB nor receivers can spot the blitz and adjust accordingly. In this case, they'd be right. If you're in a fantasy league with Individual Defensive Players, I'd suggest seeing grabbing whichever corners are playing the Giants that week. Get the feeling we're going to be seeing more of that as the year goes on.
As for the Giants... Saquon Barkley will only be able to do so much. When a team sends multiple corner blitzes at you (ad gets home twice), it means they think your line/backs can't pick up the blitz and neither your QB nor receivers can spot the blitz and adjust accordingly. In this case, they'd be right. If you're in a fantasy league with Individual Defensive Players, I'd suggest seeing grabbing whichever corners are playing the Giants that week. Get the feeling we're going to be seeing more of that as the year goes on.
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