#NFL Week in Review – Week 18

Welcome to the Week in Review.  Y'all know what time it is.



Also, as is traditional in these parts. We’re looking at the status of the head coaches ahead of Black Monday.  Doing it a little differently this year.


Green:  Safe.  If they’re not back in 2023, it’s because they walked away
Yellow:  Questions are being asked.  Non-zero chance of firing if things go south during exit interviews
Orange:  Hot Seat.  Firing is a 50/50 shot.
Red:  “Bring your playbook.”  A chance of hanging on, but not a good one.

[Sat. Afternoon] Kansas City Chiefs @ Las Vegas Raiders

The Narrative: Thanks to the Bills/Bengals No Contest, the Chiefs can clinch the #1 seed and the first round bye with a win.  Jarrett Stidham has one more chance to prove that last week was what he can really do and not... Every other time we’ve seen him.

In a sane world, this would also be Josh McDaniels’ last game as a head coach EVER.  But we live in the Upside Down and these are the Raiders.  So we’ll see in a couple of days.

The Outcome:And that was as one-sided and Capital-U-Ugly as anyone could have predicted.

The Raider defense gave up 349 yards and 31 points in just over three quarters.  Stidham threw for 219 and a TD.  He also threw a bad pick and lost two fumbles.

And whatever the hell this was: 


Silver lining:  Josh Jacobs (17-45) is currently the league leader in rushing with 1,653 yards.  Nick Chubb (1448) and Derrick Henry (1429) are within striking range, but both will need huge games to pass him. 


The Chiefs get to take the week off to rest and prepare.  The Raiders move into 2023 with QUESTIONS.  Derrick Carr is all but gone.  DaVante Adams (Who came to Vegas to play with his Fresno St. teammate) could be gone as well.  They didn’t pick up Josh Jacobs’ fifth-year option and unless he’s willing to give them one hell of a hometown discount, they probably don’t have the cash to match any market-value offers.  Not to mention the McDaniels thing (Which I still say will end with the Patriots sliding them some cash under the table to cover costs).


Whodat Shoutout: Isaiah Pacheco (8-64-1).  He’s the Chiefs’ leading rusher (830 yds, 5TDs) and I guarantee that if you don’t play fantasy football or bleed red and yellow, you have no idea who this guy is.

Coach Status:

Andy Reid:  We’re in “Dead Girl, Live Boy” territory here.
Josh McDaniels:  See you in Gillette this September!

Chiefs 31, Raiders 13

[Saturday Night] Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars


The Narrative:  Winner gets the AFC South, the 4 seed and a home playoff game.  The loser can only look back on a dropped game or two and wonder what could have been.  The winner also becomes the first team to make the playoffs in a season where they had a losing streak of five or more games.  The Titans can only hope Josh Dobbs can build on last week’s promising first start.

The Outcome:  The Jaguars Offense:  [Settling for field goals, going three-and-out in critical situations]

Jags Defense:  Fuck it. We’ll do it ourselves.

After getting a half full of Derrick Henry (with Dobbs garnish), the Jaguars defense stepped up when the offense faltered.  The Titans’ possessions after going up 16-10:  INT, 3-and-out, 3-and-out, Fumble return TD, Turnover on Downs. Jags win, drive home safe.

And I don’t know if a healthy Ryan Tannehill does much better.

Trevor Lawrence threw for 212 and a TD, but missed on several scoring opportunities.  Pro Bowler Travis Ettiene was utterly shut down (7-17) as was any Jags pass catcher not named “Christian Kirk” (6-99-1).   Josh Dobbs was respectable in his second start (20/29 for 179, 1 and 1, with 32 rushing).  They tried to lean on Henry (30-109), but it wasn’t enough.

The Titans go out on a seven-game losing streak and a lot of questions to be answered, QB being #1.  O-Line and receivers should be 2 and 3, in either order.  The Jags await the #5 seed (Chargers w/win or Ravens loss), having completed one of the biggest worst-to-first turn arounds in league history.  If this doesn't get Doug Pederson his second Coach of the Year award, they just weren’t going to vote for him period.

Coach Status:

Mike Vrabel:  A seven-game losing streak will put you on the hot seat.
Doug Pederson:  If they actually win that first playoff game, there will be talk of statues.

Jaguars 20, Titans 16

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons


The Narrative: Skip this game if you are not in the following groups

  1. A Bucs or Falcons diehard

  2. A member of Desmond Ridder’s immediate family

  3. Someone who wants to see how much not sitting starters backfires on Todd Bowles.

The Outcome: TB12 got to pad his stats a bit, breaking his own record for completions (490) and setting the mark for attempts (733) in a season before handing off to Blaine “Yep, Still Here” Gabbert late in the second quarter.  Who then handed off to Kyle “Yay!  They remembered I exist!” Trask in the fourth.

Despite the Bucs defense being in “Fuck It YOLO” mode for most of the game and blitzing like they had to use up their supply, Desmond Ridder played his best game yet, going for 224 and 2 TDs (his first as a pro).  Most importantly, not turnovers. With fellow rookies Drake London (6-120) and Tyler Allgeier (24-135) putting in work, the future looks not that bad for the Dirty Birds.
Not a bad way to close out the season.

The Falcons move into off-season mode.  The Bucs prepare to take on the runner-up of the NFC East.

Whodat Shoutout: Olamide Zaccheaus (Who’s name translates to “80 pts in Scrabble”), who went 4-37-1 for the Falcons.

Coach Status:
Todd Bowles:  The playoff run saved his job. But a bad showing in the Wild Card round could turn it back around.
Arthur Smith:  Another 10-loss season and even Daddy’s money won’t save him.

Falcons 30, Bucs 17

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills


The Narrative:  The Bills, buoyed by the good news of Damar Hamlin’s recovery, will look to lock down the 2 seed, knock their long-time tormentors out of the playoffs and finish the regular season on a high note.

The Pats are the 7 seed with a win, or if the Dolphins, Steelers and Titans all lose. (#OneDown)

The Outcome:  This game turned on two things:

  1. Nyheim Hines having the first two-kick-return game in over a decade¹: Taking the opening kickoff 96 yards to the house, then doing it again for 101 yards in the third.

  2. Mac Jones throwing three INTs in a must-have game.

Bottom line, the Bills made the plays they needed down the stretch and the Pats just didn’t. Jones did have 243 yards passing with 3 TDs, but the turnovers were killer.

The Bills lock down the #2 seed and prepare to host a playoff game.  The Pats head home and prepare for a long offseason.

Whodat Shoutout: Bills DE Greg Rousseau - who had four solo tackles and the Bills’ only sack.

Coach Status:
Bill Belichick:  That man will outlast us all, like that freezer in your grandma’s basement she got as a wedding present. (NOTE: Confirmed)
Sean McDermott:  He’s a ring away from untouchable status.

Bills 35, Pats 23

  1. Leon Washington of the Jets, Week 3, 2010


Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears


The Narrative:  Other than the bile fascination of the continued existence of Nathan Peterman’s pro career, there is no reason to watch this game. 

The Vikes can nab the 1 seed with a win and and losses by San Fran, Philly AND Dallas.  But if that happens, Kirk Cousins will probably throw six INTs in the fourth quarter to negate it.  Most likely, they get the #3 seed.

The Outcome:  The good news: The Vikes finally put the hammer down on a team.

The not-so-good news: It was vs. a Bears team clearly mailing it in.

Amazing News:  The Peter Man got through the game without a pick (11/19 for 114 and 1).  Tim Boyle did the honors twice in the second half

With the loss, the Bears lock down the #2 pick and (my statements last week to the contrary) have a shot at sniping the first pick if Houston messes up and wins. (More on that later).

Whodat Shoutout: Boyle, who saw his first significant playing time since... Last season, when he started three games for the Lions in place of an injured Jared Goff.  “Who Dat” indeed.

Coach Status:
Matt Eberflus:  The deck was stacked against him and everyone knew it.  Next year is where the pressure starts.
Kevin O'Connell: We sure that’s not Mike Zimmer with a face lift?

Vikings 29, Bears 13

Baltimore Ravens @ Cincinnati Bengals

The Narrative:  A battle between the two teams screwed hardest by the Bills/Bengals No Contest.  The Bengals lost their chance at the 1 seed.  The Ravens lost their chance at the AFC North.   By all appearances it looks like the Bengals and Ravens are locked into a wild card matchup.  Thanks to the no-contest, if the Ravens win, home field goes to a coin flip.

RB8 is still out so it’s on Tyler Hunley Anthony Brown.

Look for the Bengals to try and put this away early so they can rest their important starters.

The Outcome: The Ravens’ Defense made sure the Bengals couldn't rest anyone.

The Bengals built a 24-7 halftime lead. But the Ravens turned the second half into a battle of kickers - of the “placekicker” and “punter” variety.  The second half featured 7 punts, three field goals, two fumbles and two turnovers on downs between both teams.

Bills-Chiefs 2018, it was not.

The win sets up a rematch next week: same time, same place

Whodat Shoutout: Ravens TE Isaiah Likely, who had 8 catches for 103 yards.

Coach Status:
John Harbaugh:  His act is wearing thinner by the week.
Zac Taylor:  He good.

Bengals 27, Ravens 16

Houston Texans @ Indianapolis Colts

The Narrative: Why not close out the year with the two worst teams in the league facing each other? And just to add a smidge of spice, a win by Houston and a loss by Chicago gives Da Bears the #1 draft pick by a half-game.

The Outcome:  I’ve always said that match-ups between two dog teams will go one of two ways:

  1. Given an opponent in their weight class, both teams will put on a show.

  2. The teams let their powers combine and form Captain Suck.

This, fortunately, turned out to be the former.  Mostly.

Take away the four INTs and seven fumbles (two lost) between the two teams, and it was a well-fought game. And the Texans made sure that Lovey Smith went out a winner, if the most-likely comes to pass. The Texans’ two-headed QB monster combined for 312 yards and 3 TDs (Granted, 12 of those yards were Jeff Driskel’s)

And thus, #DaBears have the #1 pick.

I imagine this is NBD for the Texans.  This is supposed to be a stacked QB class, so if someone wants to pony up for the first pick and poach Bryce Young, the Texans will probably have no issue with “settling” for CJ Stroud or Will Levis.  Plus they also have Cleveland’s first rounder. So they got options.  Which is nice.

Though I have to imagine there were Texans fans at the end of that game screaming “STOP STOP!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Whodat Shoutout: Texans TE Jordan Akins (4-70-2)

Coach Status:

Jeff Saturday: I wonder if they even cleared off his desk at ESPN?
Lovie Smith: Would be red if this weren’t the Texans, who can afford to burn another year if the guy they want isn’t there (or doesn’t want them). (NOTE: Nope.  He gone.)

Texans 32, Colts 31

New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins

The Narrative:  The Dolphins can sneak into the playoffs with a win and a Patriots loss.  The Jets look to finish out another disappointing year with another washout QB.  Both teams come in on 5-game losing streaks.

The Outcome:  This was the shit show we were afraid Texans/Colts would be.

Jason Sanders kicked his second successful 50+ yard field goal to give the Dolphins a playoff-clinching win over the death-spiraling J-E-T-S (Make! It! Stop!)

And their prize?  A road game at Buffalo!  Yay!

The Jets have the #13 pick.  The elite QB prospects look to be gone by that pick.  They can either roll the dice on a prospect like Florida’s Anthony Richardson or S. Carolina’s Tanner McKee or go the veteran route (They’ll probably have their pick of guys with one or two good years left).

Whodat Shoutout: Fuck it.  Sanders.  (3 of 3 kicks - 37, 37, 50)

Coach Status:
Robert Saleh: Another QB flameout garners Saleh a lot of slack.
Mike McDaniel:  Injuries or not, a 3-game losing streak followed by a 5-game streak will generate a few side eyes.

Dolphins 11, Jets 6

Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints

The Narrative:  Both teams look to close out a disappointing season and move into an uncertain offseason on a win.

The Outcome:  All this proved was that Sam Darnold (5/15 for 43, 2 INTs) will not and should not be back in Carolina in 2023.  #FuckThisGame

Whodat Shoutout: No one.  #FuckThisGame

Coach Status:
Steve Wilkes:  The fact that this Panther team was even in playoff contention after the mess Matt Rhule left them in should lock down the job for Wilkes.  But the new ownership might prefer a splashier hire.
Dennis Allen: The strong finish to the season might be enough to save his job.  It shouldn’t be, and wouldn’t be if Tom Benson was still alive.  But Saints ownership is kind of a shitshow right now.

Panthers 10, Saints 7

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers

The Narrative:  It says loads about the Steelers as a team that they’re fighting and clawing and still in playoff contention in the final week, after a 2-6 start.  They get in with a win, plus losses by Miami and New England. A hard road, but not impossible.  You know things are weird when the Dolphins losing is the least likely part of the scenario.

The Browns get to go into 2023 with the shame of having burned an entire season just to nab their Quarterback Of The Future (and having watched their old QOTF light it up in LA).

The Outcome: The Steelers did their part, pulling down that precious 9th win, securing Coach Omar Epps his 16th straight non-losing season.

Unfortunately, the Dolphins’ win means they were already eliminated.

Whodat Shoutout: Steelers FB Derek Watt.  The other Watt brother scored the last TD of the game on a one-yard run.

Coach Status:

Kevin Stefanski:  Next year is when the heat is on. (UPDATE: Though DC Joe Woods has been axed)
Mike Tomlin:  At this point, he could leap frog Dennis Green to be the second modern black head coach in the Hall of Fame. (Being preceded by Fritz Pollard and Tony Dungy).

Steelers 28, Browns 14

Los Angeles Chargers @ Denver Broncos

The Narrative: The Chargers are just trying to get through this last Sunday clean and get ready for the playoffs.  The Broncos are trying to close out on a high note, following a two-game losing streak (which puts them on a 2-11 streak)

The Outcome:  The Broncos played their best, most complete game of the year.

Naturally, it was versus a team mailing it in.

#LetRussCook had 283 and 3, with Jerry Jeudy contributing a career-high 155 yards receiving on five catches. He outdueled Justin "Why are you trying to get this man killed, Charger Coaches" Herbert (273 and 2).  Latavious Murray also contributed to this last stand of 2022 (15-103-1).

San Diego Los Angeles came in locked into the 5-seed and will travel to the #4 seed.  Which means we got East Coast (Jaguars) /West Coast (Chargers) Beef, y'all!

Denver goes into 2023 wondering how they could've gone so wrong with WalMart money to work with.

Whodat Shoutout: Denver LB Baron Browning :  3 tackles (1 for loss), 1 sack, 1 QB hit

Coach Status:
Jerry Rosburg:  LOL no.
Brandon Staley:  Safe, but a bad playoff showing could change things for the worse..

Broncos 31, Chargers 28

New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles

The Narrative: Game 1 of the NFC Playoff Seed Trilogy and the one with the simplest best-case scenario: 

Philly Win or Dallas + SF Loss: NFC East champs & #1 Seed.
Loss + Dallas Loss + SF Win:  NFC East champs & #2 Seed
Loss + Dallas Win: #5 Seed 
The Giants are locked into the #6 slot and are just trying not to get anyone hurt.

The Outcome:  Doing his best Willis Reed imitation, a clearly still-hurting Jalen Hurts led his team to a bye-clinching win.

The last time the Eagles were the #1 seed, they won it all (2017).  Just saying.

Hurts tied Randall Cunningham's team record of 35 total TDs and had a potential record breaker called by because of a penalty.

And, in the universe's ongoing grudge against Tyrod Taylor, the Giants bypassed backup Taylor to start third stringer Davis "Wait, he's still on the team" Webb (23/40 for 168 and 1).

The Giants prepare to travel to SKOLvania for a rematch with the Vikings.

Whodat Shoutout: Gary Brightwell (11-60 rushing for the Giants)

Coach Status:

Brian Daboll: Pederson leapfrogged him for COTY, but the future's still bright.  Lets see what he can do with a true WR1.
Nick Sirianni:  Looking to follow in his predecessor’s footsteps.

 Eagles 22, Giants 16



Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Commanders

The Narrative: Game #2 of the Trilogy and the one with the most variety of outcomes (if only by one).

  1. Dallas Win + Philly loss + Niner Loss:  Dallas is NFC East champ and #1 seed
  2. Dallas Win + Philly loss + Niner Win:  Dallas is NFC East champ and #2 seed.
  3. Dallas Loss or Philly win:  Dallas is the #5 seed

Washington is left to finish out a season of what-ifs and nightmare fuel mascots.

The Outcome: And #DemBoyz saved their worst for last.

The entire team played like they'd gotten taken by surprised and suited up right out of bed.  They struggled to 186 yards total offense and Dak threw ANOTHER Pick 6.  CeeDee Lamb was the lone offensive bright spot (5-52-1).

And it's not like WTF played out of their minds.  They had 151 yards on 41 carries as a team and Sam "Was he even on the roster last week" Howell had 169, 1 and 1 on 11/19 passing.

It's also not like Dallas knew the conference was off the table.  Philly didn't have the Giants in hand until mid-third.  Dallas was down 20-6 by that point.  Not a great way to finish out the season.

Dallas prepares for their second trip to Tampa this season.  Washington moves into an offseason that might see them with a new coach, GM AND owner by season's start.

Whodat Shoutout: Jaret Patterson (17-78 rushing)

Coach Status:

Mike McCarthy: The fans have never liked him, his teams have blown too many opportunities and yet another one-and-done might spell the end.  Especially with a certain former Cowboys assistant looking to return to the sidelines.  Minimum can't imagine him and OC Kellen Moore surviving.
Ron Rivera:  He’s McCarthy without the ring.  Add to that potential new ownership and Riverboat Ron might be headed to a watery grave.

Deadnames 26, Cowboys 6


Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers

The Narrative:  And the third game of the trilogy.  And the one with the simplest scenario.

  1. Niners Win + Philly Loss: #1 Seed.
  2. Philly Win or Niners Loss: #2 Seed.

The Outcome:  At least JJ Watt (5 tackles 2 sacks and a pass defense) went out like a G.

The Niners played their starters with the 1 seed still in play and were never threatened. Mr. Relevant, Brock Purdy threw another three TDs without a turnover. Elijah Mitchell and Run CMC combined for 100 yards and 2 TDs.

The Niners move into the playoffs on a seven game win streak and look like the team to beat in teh NFC.  The Cards lose their seventh-straight and are facing YET ANOTHER teardown.

Whodat Shoutout: Azeez Al-Shaair (10 tackles, 1 QB hit)

Coach Status:
Kyle Shanahan:  Can’t argue with results.
Kliff Kingsbury: Never should’ve been back for ‘22. (UPDATE: He gone! [Along with GM Steve Keim])

 
Niners 38, Cards 13

Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle Seahawks

The Narrative:  That the Seahawks are still in the playoff hunt after this tumultuous season is a testament to the entire Seattle organization.  Of course, it’s not the first time Pete Carrol went all-in on a quarterback everyone thought was the lesser option and proved himself right.  The path is simple.  The Seahawks need to win and have the Packers lose to the Lions later on Sunday Night.

The Rams limp to the finish, having already posted the worst record of any defending champ.  Baker Mayfield gets one more shot at showing he deserves to be in the mix for 2023 (if not for the Rams, then for some other QB-thirsty team watching).

The Outcome:  It looked like the Football Gods decided to smite the Seahawks for a sloppy must-have game, after Jason Meyer's 46-yard game winner doinked off the left goalpost.

Doubly-so when their first OT possession ended in a Geno Smith INT (His second of the game, both to Jalen Ramsey).

Then Quandre Diggs picked off Baker Mayfield two plays later, setting up Myers' 32-yard winner.

Which sets up Sunday Night Drama!  Lions win, they're the 7-seed.  Lions lose, the Packers go to San Fran.

The Rams go into the off-season, losing three of their last five, and with 14 losses, the worst total for a defending champ.

Whodat Shoutout: Bruce Irvin (Though this is less "Who dat" and more "I thought he retired") 1.5 sacks and 2 QB hits.

Coach Status:
Sean McVay:  Scuttlebutt is that McVay is looking to step away.  None of it is coming from the Rams.
Pete Carroll:  Not green only because of the rumor mill that he might be looking to move on.

Seahawks 19, Rams 16 (OT)

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers

The Narrative: And we come to the final matchup of 2022.  Game #272 of 272.  And it's win or go hom for Green Bay. And win or Seattle goes home for Detroit.  Not to mention the Lions - having missed out on the playoffs - going for the consolation prize to eliminating Discount Double Check in what may be his last ride in the land of Cheeseheads.

The Outcome: Couldn't have asked for more in a season finale.

Especially if you're a Seattle fan and/or Rodgers hater (I am shamelessly Team Fuck Aaron Rogers). A competitive game that came down to Rodgers getting intercepted by Kerby Joseph on his final drive, to preserve the win for Seattle Detroit.

There was a wistful moment after the game where the cameras caught Rogers and long time running buddy Randall Cobb looking around the emptying stadium for what could be the last time for both of them.  Reportedly, one of the Lions asked Rodgers for a jersey swap and Rogers turned him down, saying he wanted to hang on to this one.

That sounds like someone who thinks he's played his last game somewhere to me.  But we said the same about Tom Brady a year ago.

Jamaal Williams (16-72-2) broke Barry Sanders' team single season TD record, set in 1991.

The Lions go into the off-season with their heads held high.  Add a piece or two next year, and they could be where the Vikings are.

The Packers go in knowing that this was probably their last shot with Rodgers and if he leaves, they are in rebuild mode. After two years, we still don't know if Jordan Love can play.  Though the "glass half full" crowd will remind us it took three years before they put  Rodgers in.

Whodat Shoutout: Lions WR  Kalif Raymond (4-66, long of 43)

Coach Status:

Dan Campbell:  Two months ago, that was a flashing red.
Matt LeFleur:  Remove Rodgers, that's red.


And that's it, folks.  The 2023 regular season is in the books.  Thank you all for reading this year and we'll see you in September.

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