#NFL Week in Review - Week 17

Welcome to the Week in Review. Having a week left after seventeen STILL feels weird.

[TNF] Dallas Cowboys @ Tennessee Titans

The Narrative: No Ryan Tannehill, no Derrick Henry. This should be an easy win for #DemBoyz. Even without Tony Pollard (thigh).

Right?

The Outcome: Good thing style points aren't a thing in the NFL.'

Dallas overcame a near-disastrous second quarter where three turnovers were pinned to Dak: a fumble off a mishandled snap, a pick that bounced off Peyton Hendershot's hands and a second INT that was either a bad read by Dak or a bad route by Dalton Schultz. The former and latter both killed potential scoring drives.

The Titans got three points off those turnovers.

The Titans, choosing to rest up several starters (including Henry and nominal starting QB Malik Willis), got a strong turn from first time starter Josh Dobbs, newly-signed off the Detroit practice squad. Dobbs had more yards passing in the first half (143) than Willis has had in any of his starts. Which really doesn't bode well for Willis starting Tennessee's winner-take-all showdown with Jacksonville next week.¹

Hassan Haskins (4th round rookie out of Michigan), starting in place of Henry, went 12-40, but had some nifty moments. As did his opposite number, Malik Davis (UDFA, Florida), who went 10-39 in place of Pollard. Dallas also had a scary moment with C Tyler Biadish leaving the game in the third quarter, causing Dallas to have to shuffle the o-line (moving LG Tyler McGovern to center, shifting first round rookie Tyler Smith from LT to McGovern's spot and bringing in vet Jason Peters to take over for Smith.)²

The one silver lining for Dallas (if you can call a win a dark cloud) was TY Hilton looking more and more like Dallas got what everyone thought they were going to get with OBJ. He caught four balls for 50 yards and frankly looked better than every Dallas WR not named "Ceedee Lamb." With Michael Gallop inconsistent and Noah Brown looking like he's gotten the yips (and Kellen Moore weirdly reluctant to give KaVontae Turpin major reps on offense), Hilton could easily find himself at WR2 come playoff time.

All eyes in Dallas turn towards the Eagles/Saints game on Sunday. The Eagles win, they win the East and Dallas is locked into the 5 seed (and will likely bench every starer they can get away with for the Washington game). The Titans move into their win-or-go-home game in Jacksonville.

For the record, no team has had a losing streak of more than three this late in the season and still made the playoffs. The Titans just lost their sixth straight. The closest I could find for a team that did make the playoff were the 1999 Dolphins, who lost five of six in Dan Marino's final campaign. They did beat Seattle in the wild card round. Then came Marino's (and Jimmy Johnson's) infamous final game.

Whodat Shoutout: Dobbs, who's last start (as the announcers and every story that mentioned Cribbs couldn't stop mentioning) was in that very stadium at the 2016 Music City Bowl. Playing for his third team this year and fifth over all, he put up respectable numbers (20/39 for 232yds, 1TD, 1INT) and made some solid throws. More to the point, he got the ball out faster and more decisively than Willis did in his starts. It could all fall apart come next Sunday (there's a reason he's on his third team in two months), he looks to give the Titans a far better chance than a gimpy Tannehill or a shaky Willis.

Cowboys 27, Titans 13

1. If this game doesn't get flexed to Sunday Night someone needs to be fired.
2. In case you were wondering, Tyron Smith has been playing RT since returning from injury.

Arizona Cardinals @ Atlanta Falcons

The Narrative: With two exceptions, every game this week involves at least one team that can lock down, gain or lose playoff positions. Jaguars/Texans involves one potential playoff team, but the Jags are locked into the AFC South lead, before the showdown with the Titans next week. But at least this game has the #1 Draft Pick in the balance.

This game has none of that.

But it is JJ Watt's penultimate game, so there's that.

The Outcome: Desmond Ridder gets his first win as a pro, throwing for 169 yards on 19 of 26 passing. No TDs, but a couple of cool deep shots and clearly improved decison making. Not gonna remind anyone of prime Matty Ice or Mike Vick (or even Chris Chandler) at this point, but signs are there (such as you can see in two games). Tyler Allgeier (20-83-1) became the third Falcons rookie to gain more than 1000 yards from scrimmage, joining Kyle Pitts (2021) and Julio Jones (2011).

David Blough (standing in for concussed Colt McCoy, who was standing in for Kyler Murray (broken ankle)) threw for 213 yards and a TD on 24/40 passing.

Watt finished with one sack, one tackle for loss and two QB hits.

Whodat Shoutout. MyCole Pruitt, who led the Falcons in receiving (4-49, long of 23)

Falcons 20, Cardinals 19

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions

The Narrative: An oldschool NFC "Norris Division" fight. Detroit (winners of six of their last eight) needs to win their last two (and get some help) to lock down a wild card slot. The Bears should be emptying out their bench and auditioning players for 2023. But they insist on trotting out their future in Justin Fields, despite the fact that he's been dealing with nagging injuries. Normally I'd say it's because Fields is the only reason to watch the Bears, but Chicago Sports Fans will show up to watch an XFL team as long as they were in Bears colors. And Detroit Fan will show up as long as they get to watch teh Lions whoop up on said scrubs in Bears colors.

The Outcome: Well, that was a dogwalk.

The Lions outgained Da Bears 504 - 230, and gained 26 first downs to Chicago’s 9. After spotting Chicago a 10-7 lead in the first, they scored 34 unanswered and were never challenged after taking 14-10 lead in the second.

And Bears Nation couldn’t care less because JUSTIN FIELDS (10-121 rushing, U-G-L-Y passing).

The win sets up a scenario where the Lions can claim a playoff spot with a win @ Green Bay, plus a Seattle loss to the Rams.

The Bears are currently possessors of the #2 pick and a Week 18 win vs. Minnesota would place them no lower than 5th. So watch them beat the Vikes in a scenario that literally does them no good.

Whodat Shoutout: Lions TE Brock Wright, who seems to have a better connection with Jared Goff than TJ Hockenson did. He had 3 catches for 13 yards, with two TDs.

Lions 41, Bears 10

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Houston Texans

The Narrative: They said 15 of 16 had playoff implications. This one... Doesn't. The Jags go Winner Take All with the Titans next week, win or lose. The Texans lock down the #1 pick in the 2023 draft with a loss.

As they have nothing to play for on this day, there's nothing really stopping Doug Pederson from resting his starters. If that happens, this may get bowling shoe-ugly.

The Outcome: Pedersen didn't rest his starters (at least for a half).

The bowling shoes were still on full display

Travis Ettiene rushed for 108 and TD without taking a single snap in the second half. JaMycal Hasty and Snoop Connor also had TD runs. The Jaguar defense did most of the heavy lifting, limiting the Texans to 277 yards of offense and a single Ka'imi Fairbairn 56 Yd Field Goal.

When C.J. Beathard and Jeff Driskel are your fourth quarter QBs, there’s not much left to say.

With the loss, the Texans are unofficially on the clock for the 2023 NFL Draft.

Whodat Shoutout. Hasty. 10 rushes, 33 yards, 1 TD

Jaguars 31, Texans 3

Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs

The Narrative: KC needs to win out and have Buffalo drop one of their last two to win the #1 seed and the bye. The win alone will lock them in at no lower than #2. The Broncos, under interim coach Buddy Rosberg (an 18-year veteran coach, and platonic ideal of a Whodat coach). look just to play out the string without further embarrassment

The Outcome: That was almost embarrassing... For the Chiefs.

The “New Coach, New Look” Broncos took a 17-13 lead into the fourth quarter before Mahomes and co. woke up and started doing Chiefs things. Russ finally looked like the Russ who Denver thought they were getting (Not the one that turned into Hershel Walker II) - 222 and a TD passing, 2 more TDs rushing.

I see the talking heads saying the Chiefs kicking might be an issue in the playoffs (Harrison Butker was 0-1 and missed a PAT on a botched hold). My take is “The Chiefs are settling for way too many long field goals'' (All but two of Butker’s misses this season are from 50+, and the one from this game was a block).

With the loss, Denver keeps Seattle’s seat warm in the #3 draft slot. The win keeps KC in play for the #1 seed.

And with his 328 yards on the day, Patrick Mahomes became the third and youngest QB to throw for 5K yards twice, joining TB12 and Breesus.

Whodat Shoutout. Broncos TE Albert Okwuegbunam (Gesundheit) - 3-45 and a TD receiving, as Denver made extensive use of two-TE sets inexplicably for the first time this year.

Chiefs 27, Broncos 24

Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots

The Narrative: The Dolphins, who looked like dark horse contenders for a few weeks, have lost four straight and might need to win out to clinch the last wild card slot (They can clinch with a win and a Jets loss or tie). A loss doesn't eliminate them, but they'll need lots of help. They'll likely need to accomplish this with Teddy Bridgewater under center, rather than the injured Tua Tangyvanilla (concussion protocol).

The Patriots (one of the teams on the Fins' heels) can also get in by winning out. And it shouldn't surprise anyone if Mac Jones gets the short leash in this do-or-die scenario. Yeah, I'd put money on Bailey Zappe making an appearance, one way or another.

The Outcome: Jones threw for 202 yds and 2 TDs, arguably his best game of the season.

And yet it took a Pick Six by Kyle Duggar (the Pats’ seventh defensive TD) off Skylar Thompson (in for an injured Teddy Ballgame) to secure the win. This marks the first Patriot win of the 2022 season where the opponent scored more than 20 points. (0-7 coming in)

Somehow I doubt that’s going to work vs.any of their likely playoff opponents.

The win has New England and Miami swapping places, with the Pats the #7 seed and the Dolphins on the outside looking in. I don’t even want to imagine how obnoxious Pats Fan will be if they make it in.

Whodat Shoutout. Pats WR Tyquan Thornton, who caught three ball for 60 yards and a TD

Patriots 23, Dolphins 21

Indinapolis Colts @ New York Giants

The Narrative: The Giants make the playoff with a win or a whole mess of loss+tie combos if they lose. The Colts are basically here so they don't get fined.

The Outcome: That Nick Foles started this game for Indy and Sam Ehlinger finished, and they had 124 passing yards between them, says it all.

Whodat Shoutout. Giants WR Richie James: 7-76-1 on the game

Giants 38, Colts 10

New Orleans Saints @ Philadelphia Eagles.

The Narrative: The Eagles clinch the NFC East and the #1 seed with a win. Degree of difficulty: They have to do it with Gardner Minshew instead of Jalen Hurts. But this is the Saints. At home. This should be a relatively easy W.

Right?

They could still clinch with a Cowboys loss, but they'll already know if that's a thing long before kickoff (See above).

The Outcome: Whodat Nation has to be screaming “WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS UP TO NOW?”

The Saints played their best, most complete half of the season... And then spent the second half staving off the Iggle comeback, getting a Pick Six by the returning Marshon Lattimore to seal the win.

This was the Saints’ fourth straight win. Too little too late to salvage the season, but it just might save Dennis Allen’s job. It shouldn’t, but it might.

The loss means the Eagles have to win vs. the Giants next week or have Dallas lose to WTF to claim the NFC East. They HAVE to win to lock down the #1 seed. Jalen Hurts returning and a Giants team locked into the #6 seed will probably help.

Whodat Shoutout. Rashid Shaheed - 6 catches for 76 yards for the Saints.

Saints 20, Eagles 10

Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Narrative: Simple for both teams: Win and in. Though the Panthers will need to win here and next week to make that happen. Both teams can do no better than the #4 seed and (barring a two-headed collapse by Philly and Dallas) will host the loser of the NFC East in the playoffs. TB12 and crew come in looking for revenge for an embarrassing 21-3 road loss to Carolina back in Week 7.

The Outcome: Speaking of “Where Was This?” TB12 recovered his deep ball and rediscovered Mike Evans. Brady hit Evans on scoring passes of 63, 57 and 30 to power the Bucs to the defacto NFC South championship. I’m sure Bucs Nation will say Carolina losing Jaycee Horn last week had nothing to do with those deep strikes.

Sam Darnold played his best game as a Panther in response (341-3-1)

The Bucs are locked into the #4 seed, awaiting which team ends up second in the NFC East. The Panthers are rumored to be talking with Jim Harbaugh, which frankly is a giant insult to Steve Wilkes, who pulled Carolina out of the cellar of the South and made them a contender.

Whodat Shoutout: Carolina WR Shi Smith (4-70-1)

Bucs 30, Panthers 24

Cleveland Browns @ Washington Commanders

The Narrative: Washington is in "Win And Get Help" mode with regards to the playoffs. Win or lose, The Fucksnyders are out with a win by Detroit, Green Bay OR Seattle. The Browns are just hoping Handsy McRubmytaint looks like the QB they paid dearly for at least once this off-season. They're already out, despite having the same record as the still-alive Raiders (Those pesky tie-breakers). The Deadnames, showing their desperation, switch back to Carson Wentz for this critical game.

The Outcome: How unexpected! The move back to Wentz backfired massively! (16/28 for 143, 3 INTs)

And look! Watson seems to be rounding into shape (9/18 for 169yds, 3TD)

And the loss officially knocks the WTF out of the playoffs. And we have one more game before what promises to be an “interesting” offseason. (read: #FUCKDANSNYDER #BEGONETHOT)

Whodat Shoutout: Daron Payne (who quietly leads the Deadnames in sacks) - 2 sacks, 2 TFL

Browns 24, Deadnames 10

San Francisco 49ers @ Las Vegas Raiders

The Narrative: The Niners come in as the #3 seed, having already locked up the NFC West. They can possibly steal the #2 seed if the Vikings stumble down the stretch. The #1 seed is not off the table but would take multiple losses by Minnesota, Philly and Dallas to make that happen. Not impossible, but not likely. The Raiders need HELP. A win by any of the five teams ahead of them knocks them out, even with a win.

Did we mention the Raiders will be starting Jarrett Stidham at QB? His first career start?

The Outcome: Mr. Relevant came through again.

With the Stidham-led Raiders racking up more than 500 yards of offense, Purdy had to step and he did; leading two fourth quarter scoring drives to tie the game, then marching down the field in OT for the winning kick.

And Trey Lance dies a little more inside.

The win leaves the Niners in play for the #1 seed, but they’d need Philly AND Dallas to lose next week. The loss officially eliminated the Raiders from the playoffs. And with a competently-run team, should seal Josh McDaniels’ fate.

Though it wouldn’t shock me if the Pats (quietly) offered to foot the bill for McDaniels so they could have him back as OC.

Whodat Shoutout: Harvey Langi (9 total tackles)

Niners 37, Raiders 34 (OT)

New York Jets @ Seattle Seahawks

The Narrative: THE REVENGE OF GENO!

Sure both teams need the win to remain in the playoff hunt, but this is all about Geno and the team that gave up on him (first).

The Outcome:

Whodat Shoutout.

Seahawks 23, Jets 6

Minneapolis Vikings @ Green Bay Packers

The Narrative: The Vikes come in as the #2 seed, but can grab the 1-seed with a win and an Eagles loss. The Packers can move into the seventh and final slot with a win, plus help.

Just an FYI: The #3 seed likely gets the Giants in the playoffs. The 2 gets whoever can nab the seven seed. Would Minnesota be crazy enough to tank this game to lock in the 3-seed, betting on Green Bay to finish out and claim the 7th, just to get a shot at them in the playoffs?

I mean, if they wanted to ruin Discount Double Check's season, doing it now would be the far less complicated route. But we've learned this Viking team doesn't do ANYTHING the easy way (see their 11 one-score wins)

The Outcome: AND. THIS. IS. WHY. NO. ONE. RESPECTS. THE. VIKINGS.

Whodat Shoutout: Alexander Mattison, The Vikings’ leading rusher (8-38)

Packers 41, Vikings 17

Los Angeles Rams @ Los Angeles Chargers

The Narrative: The Battle of the California Carpetbaggers caps off the Sunday afternoon action. The Rams can't even play spoiler here, as the Chargers are locked in as a wild card. The Chargers can fall to 7 if they lose out. They can climb to 5 if they win out and Baltimore loses out (not out of the question, especially if RB8 can't return for the regular season). Baker Mayfield continues to audition for the 2023 season, be it for the Rams¹ or another team thirsty for a QB upgrade.

The Outcome: The Charger defense shut down Mayfield (11/18 for 32). Austin Eckler made his presence known with 132 yards and 2 TDs rushing (including a career-long 72 yd run). He also caught 4 passes, which made him the fourth RB with 100 catches in NFL history²

This is the Rams’ 11th loss on the season, surpassing the 1999 Broncos for the worst record for a defending Super Bowl champion. And they’ve still got a game to go!

Whodat Shoutout: Malcolm Brown (A vet you generally forget is still there). 1-23-1 rushing

Chargers 31, Rams 10

1. They say Matt Stafford is primed to give it another run in 2023. Where I him, I'm calling it a career. A spinal cord injury and concussions? Nah, bruh. I'm good. The only thing he'd really have to play for is one more 4,500-5,000 yard year to increase his Hall-of-Fame resume. With his stats and a ring, if that doesn't get him in, he'd basically have to do 2021 again to get in. And who thinks that's happening?
2. Fellow Charger LaDainian Tomlinson, Larry Centers of Arizona, Matt Forte of Chicago and Christian McCaffrey (then) of Carolina are the others.

[SNF] Pittsburgh Steelers @ Baltimore Ravens

The Narrative: Baltimore can still steal the AFC North if they win out (including a Week 18 showdown with Cincinnati). The Steelers are still alive for the playoffs, but are out with a Jets or Dolphins win.

And since the Jets and Dolphins both lost... We move on.

The Outcome:

Whodat Shoutout: Steelers RB Jaylen Warren (12-76) 

Steelers 16, Ravens 13

[MNF] Buffalo Bills @ Cincinatti Bengals

The Narrative: The Bills have the tiebreaker over Kansas City for he #1 seed. A loss will knock them down to #3, with road trips to KC and Cincinnati likely if they want to reach the Super Bowl. The Bengals are also in the hunt for home field, but will need to win here, plus a loss by KC to lock it down.

The Outcome: The score was 7-3 Buffalo when the entire NFL came to a halt. Midway through the first quarter, Bills safety Damar Hamlin made a routine tackle on Bengals WR Tee Higgins He stood up after the tackle, then slumped to the ground like someone had unplugged him fromThe Matrix. No one in the audience knew what happened, but we knew it was something bad.

At least one person watching knew what happened based on his own personal experience with such an incident.

I would be willing to bet that Damar Hamlin has suffered a cardiac arrest from the blunt trauma of that blow to his chest... I know what this is like from experience...

— Jerry Lawler (@JerryLawler) January 3, 2023

Hamlin is currently in critical but stable condition at University of Cincinnati Hospital. The game was suspended at that point. There were rumors that the league sent the order to restart the game, but the league has denied that completely. As of this writing, there is no word on if or when the game will be resumed.

Which brings us to the year’s first (and likely only) Tall Glass of STFU. And it goes to your friend and mine, Skip Bayliss for this piece of Not Reading The Room on Twitter:

 

Want to know how badly this went down? Skip’s First Take co-host Shannon Sharpe, skipped the Tuesday episode, rather than face Bayliss after this (to put it mildly) tone deaf reaction. Bayliss has since apologized for this statement. But to put it out there at all. Dude, What. The. Hell?

Bengals 7, Bills 3 (PPD)