#NFL Week In Review - Week 13
Welcome to the Week in Review.
...
Yeah, I got nothin'.
[Bye Week: Cardinals, Panthers]
[TNF] Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots
The Narrative:
The Bills coming looking for their first AFC East win of the season (having lost road games to the Jets and Dolphins). The Patriots coming STILL looking to validate Darth Hoodie's continuing faith in Mac Jones.
The Outcome:
This was the platonic ideal of a game where a championship contender plays a team that's okay, but way out of the former's weight class. Josh Allen threw for 223 and 2, including 7 for 92 and a TD to Stefon Diggs. James "Dalvin's Little Brother" Cook and Devin Singletary combined for 115 yards and a TD to aid the cause.
The Pats took a 7-3 lead into the second quarter, but that was as good as it got for them, as the Bills scored the game's next 21 points and basically sat on the Pats for three quarters. Mac Jones chipped in a competent 195 yards and a TD. He took one sack, but it was a critically ill timed one: a 13-yard loss that took them from a 2nd and Goal on the Bills' 8 to a 3rd and 21, deep in the fourth.
Belichick may be ultimately right about Jones, in that he needs time (and better supporting players) to thrive. But right now, the more dynamic Bailey Zappe has looked superior in every one of his appearances. I mean, Belichick does know most QBs don't have Tom Brady's ability to turn chicken shit receivers into chicken salad, right?
Right?
Bills 24, Patriots 10
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Atlanta Falcons
The Narrative:
The Steelers come into Hotlanta looking for their first back-to-back wins of the season, with a magic number of two losses to clinch Coach Omar Epps' first losing season as a head coach. Kenny Pickett seems to be improving game by game and seems poised for a breakout against Atlanta's not-exactly-stout defense.
The Falcons cling to their pipe dream of making the playoffs. The NFC South is bad. They're worse.
The Outcome:
I keep hearing that Atlanta is bullish on Desmond Ridder, pleased with the progress he's made. The fact that they've stuck with Marcus Mariotta - who now lost four out of his last five and hasn't cleared 200 yards in any of those games - means they're lying or they're stupid.
Seriously, the sooner they ditch the playoff pipe dream, the better for all involved.
Steelers 19, Falcons 16
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears
The Narrative:
The Green Bay Packers come in limping and ripe for the picking. Too bad the Bears are poised to take on Discount Double Check and co. without Justin "Yes, this is how Sweetness felt like for the first half of his career" Fields.
The Outcome:
Fields was actually cleared to play.
Probably should've taken the day off. (2 picks, 0 TDs).
Rodgers wasn't exactly electric on the day either (18/32 for 182 and 1). But when you operate out of a clean pocket all day and the other guy has three turnovers, you don't need to be.
Packers 28, Bears 19
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Detroit Lions
What would've been a Tank Bowl/Worst Of The Year candidate a year ago now looks vaguely intriguing, with both teams come in at 4-7. Not good, but far from the trash fires they were in 2021.
A neat side story is the meeting of the #1 and #2 draft picks of the '22 draft (JAX's Travon Walker and Detroit's Aiden Hutchison, respectively)
The Outcome:
Scratch that whole "intriguing" thing...
When CJ Bethard is taking snaps for the Jags, you know things have gone pear-shaped.
The Lions scored on their first eight drives and ever never seriously challenged by the Jags. Jared Goff had his best game as a Lion (340 and 2). The Jags were 3-of-2 on third down (this is STILL the Lions' defense here) and and absolutely could not get stops on the Lions.
And for the record: Walker ended up with five tackles. Hutchison had two and half a sack, giving him six on the year.
Lions 40, Jaguars 14
New York Jets @ Minnesota Vikings
Mike White and the "new look" Jets come in to challenge the NFC North leading Vikings. The 9-2 Vikes come in still looking for respect.
The Outcome:
Truth be told, this will probably put more respect on the Jets' names than the Vikes. Robert Salleh turned Mike White loose, letting him throw 57 times, gaining 369 yards. Unfortunately, that included 2 INTs and no TDs. YOULIKETHAT countered with 173 yards on 21-of-35 passing, including a TD to Justin Jefferson.
The Jets had two cracks at re-taking the lead late, getting stopped on the goal line and throwing a red zone INT.
It was another closer-than-it-shold've-been win for the Vikes. If the season ended today, the Vikes would be the #2 seed and would host Seattle.
I'd take Seattle.
Vikings 27, Jets 22
Washington Deadnames @ New York Giants
The Narrative:
A battle of the NFC East teams that aren't the Eagles or Cowboys. For some reason, very few people are jazzed about this battle for third place.
The Outcome:
The furor over the tie was far more entertaining than the game itself. I will never EVER understand the hatred some people have for ties. "THERE MUST BE A WINNER! TIES SUCK!" Such hatred for something that happens three times in a season, max.
To which I ask: Why would you want a game like this to go LONGER? What? You say this was an outlier? So are ties. Settle down, Beavis.
Commanders 20, Giants 20 (OT)
Tennessee Titans @ Philadelphia Eagles
The Narrative:
The NFC #1 seed hosts the default AFC South leader. The main, non-playoff-seeding headline is A.J. Brown's first matchup against the team that thought they didn't need him.¹
The Outcome:
'Nuff said.
This hurt the Titans so bad, they fired the guy responsible for cutting Brown loose.
Eagles 35, Titans 10
- Morgan Freeman: They did.
Denver Broncos @ Baltimore Ravens
The Narrative:
At this point with the Broncos, win or lose, you just have to wonder "how bad will it get?"
The Outcome:
"Lost to a Ravens team without Lamar Jackson" bad.
Yikes.
Jackson is currently week-to-week with a PCL sprain. Tyler Huntley (who stepped in with 187 and 1 Int passing and 10-4-1 rushing) will start for the time being.
If the Broncos don't clean house this offseason (up to and including John Elway and Mr. Ciara), the league should look into taking the team away from the Waltons.
Ravens 10, Broncos 9
Cleveland Browns @ Houston Texans
The Narrative:
Deshaun Watson makes his first start in two years. Let the boos begin and let them be loud and long!
The Outcome:
The Plaintiff better ball out next week or it will turn UGLY in Cleveland.
Seattle Seahawks @ Los Angeles Rams
The Narrative:
The Geno Smith Redemption Tour pulled into the City of Angels to face the swiftly disintegrating Rams, looking to stop a two-game slide.
The Outcome:
The 'Hawks were hamstrung by losing Kenneth Walker III in the first half to an ankle That left them with with DeeJay Dallas (who left the game briefly himself with an ankle injury) and Tony Jones Jr. Geno took up the slack with the best game of his career, throwing for 367 yards and 3 TDs. Must have felt like old times for DK Metcalf and Tyler Lockett, who combined for 17 catches, 255 yards and 2 TDs.
John Wolford, in his fourth start, threw for 178 and 2 INTs.
I'm not saying there's a connection between Wolford's (to put it generously) uninspiring play and the Rams picking up Baker Mayfield off waivers. But one can't rule it out.
Seahawks 27, Rams 23
Miami Dolphins @ San Francisco
The Narrative:
Two probable playoff teams looking to pick up a big win vs. a quality, non-conference opponent.
The Outcome:
Miami... Boys...
You knocked Jimmy G out of the game (but not out for the year, as it turned out) on the Niners first drive... AND YOU STILL LOST BY 16 TO MR. IRRELEVANT 2022?
Brock "Pick 262 out of Iowa St" Purdy took the reigns and threw for 210, 2 TDs and an INT. The Dolphins responded to this by playing their sloppiest, least-disciplined game of the year, coughing up four turnovers along with 8-68 on penalties.
Purdy will be the Niners QB for at least the rest of the regular season. Garrapolo's ankle wasn't as badly injured as first feared, and could possibly return if the Niners make a playoff run.¹
49ers 33, Dolphins 16
- But if you made it that far with Purdy, why the hell would you even think of pulling him? Jimmy G isn't Bob Griese and Purdy isn't Earl Morrall.
Kansas City Chiefs @ Cincinnati Bengals
The Narrative:
KC looks to maintain control of the AFC (They have a one-game lead over Buffalo for the bye), but has to face a Bengals team that seems to be rounding back into championship shape AND has had their number as of late.
The Outcome:
Did I say "as of late?" I meant "still."
The Chiefs had their chances, but couldn't seal the deal. Travis Kelce got stripped by Germaine Pratt (who also recovered the fumble), setting up the Bengals' go-ahead score. Mahomes drove them into easy field goal range, but got sacked for a 4-yard loss on a 3rd-and-3, and Harrison Butker missed the subsequent 55-yard attempt.
Joe Burrow finished the day with 286 and 2, including the game winner to Chris "No, not that one" Evans.
The Chiefs now fall into a tie with Buffalo for the #1 seed, but Buffalo owns the head-to-head tiebreaker. Teh Bengals are tied with Baltimore atop the AFC North at 8-4, but without RB, the Ravens will be hard pressed to maintain position.
Los Angeles Chargers @ Las Vegas Raiders
The Narrative:
Two teams with bad head coaches playing out the string.
The Outcome:
Even if they could afford to fire him, this late season surge would probably wring a second year out of the Raiders for Josh The Punchable.¹
#FreeJustinHerbert
Raiders 27, Chargers 20
- There's probably some German compound word that translates to "a crotch in need of a knee" that would fit him better.
[SNF] Indianapolis Colts @ Dallas Cowboys
The Narrative:
The Jeff Saturday Experience faces their toughest test to date. Dallas S Malik Hooker faces his old squad for the first time.
The Outcome:
For three quarters, it was a nail biter for Cowboys Nation. A combination of tough running by Johnathan Taylor and gaffes by the Cowboys made things tight: 21-19 Cowboys coming into the fourth.
Apparently someone snuck the 'Boys cans of spinach in between quarters. Dallas proceeded to score 33 unanswered points in the final quarter (most in team history for a quarter, and tied for second-most in league history¹ for a fourth quarter), while forcing four turnovers. Hooker had an INT in the first half and a 38-yard fumble return for a score in the 4th. Tony Pollard, Zeke Elliot and Malik Davis (!) each scored rushing TDs in the fourth.
If they can cut out those early mistakes, this is a Super Bowl team.
I would've suspected that they did all their damage late so the network wouldn't switch out on them again, but this was Sunday Night.²
Here's how Indy's fourth quarter went: Fumble (returned for TD), INT, INT, fumble, end of game. The Colts have now lost three in a row, in increasingly embarrassing fashion, after their feel good win over Vegas in Jeff Saturday's first game. Aren't you supposed to get better as the season went on?
- Tied with the Chicago Cardinals (32 vs. the Milwaukee Badgers on 12/10/1925³), and behind only the Detroit Lions (34 vs. the Bears in Week 4 of the 2007 season)
- How bad would a Thursday/Sunday/Monday Night game have to be for the network to so say "Okay, enough of this" and "Heidi Game" them?
- A game so infamous, it has its own Wikipedia page.
[MNF] New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Narrative:
Somehow, two of worst teams in the NFC are battling out for first place in the NFC South.
The Outcome:
They had it. The Saints had it. For about 55 minutes, they held TB12 and the Bucs offense to 3 points and seemed to be in control. Yeah, they were settling for field goals with worrying regularity, the Saints receivers had several awful drops (at least two of which would've scored) and Alvin Kamara continued to be stuck in second gear (Not to mention Mark Ingram inexplicably running out of bounds, short of the sticks, with the Saints trying to hold the ball and eat clock). But they held a 16-3 lead with about 5:30 left in the game. Even these Saints couldn't blow that, right?
Right?
Suddenly Brady, who had frankly sucked to this point, drives the Bucs 91 yards in 2:21.
Worrying, but a first down on the next drive will take care of that.
Three and out, -7 yards on the drive, 31 seconds elapsed. Bucs get the ball back with 2:29 on the clock.
Y'all know how this ends.
I don't know what the league record is for one-and-done head coaches, but between Dennis Allen, Nathaniel Hackett, Todd Bowles and Lovie Smith¹, I cannot fathom more than one of them making it into to 2023.
Buccaneers 17, Saints 16
- In a sane world, where the Raiders were competently run², Josh McDaniels would be on that list.
- Competently run and in LA or still in Oakland.
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