#NFL In Review - Week 9
Welcome to the Week in Review! Happy Daylight Savings Time! Happy(?) Election Day!
Teams on bye: Browns, Cowboys, Broncos, Giants, Steelers, 49ers
[TNF] Philadelphia Eagles vs. Houston Texans
The Narrative:
This has all the makings of a "look-ahead" game for the Eagles, with division foe Washington looming. But that would require the Texans to halt Tankathon 2022.
The Outcome:
Welp. False Alarm.
The Texans kept things respectable, but that seemed less the Texans stepping up and more the Eagles playing down to their competition. Though it was a respectable effort, more so missing Brandon "DNP: Pouting" Cooks. Dameon Pierce continues to be the lone bright spot for Houston's offense (27-139)¹.
But yeah, this was a snoozer. Houston kept it close, but once Philly took the lead, it never felt like Houston was a real threat again. The most interesting part was Jalen Hurts proving he could still move the ball even if AJ Brown (4-59-1) and Devonta Smith (2-22) were taken away, via Dallas Goedert (8-100-1).
A lot of people are saying the Titans (Week 13) and Cowboys (Week 16) are the only things standing between the Eagles and 17-0². Can't find the flaw in that logic..³
Eagles 29, Texans 17
- But no, he's not overtaking Seattle's Kenneth Walker III for that spot, barring injury.
- That or Nick Sirianni pulling a Jim Caldwell and deciding the playoffs were more important than a perfect regular season.
- Though that game with the Bears, sandwiched between the Giants and Dallas, screams "trap game."
San Diego Los Angeles Chargers vs. Atlanta Falcons
The Narrative:
Brandon Staley's seat gets hotter with every loss, especially to the mediocre-to-bad teams. Though Atlanta gets significantly stronger with the return of Cordarelle Patterson.
The Outcome:
'Nuff said.
Chargers 20, Falcons 17
Miami Dolphins vs. Chicago Bears
The Narrative:
Chicago's offensive improvement, plus the likely debut of Chase Claypool makes this an intriguing matchup.
Too bad the Bears' D got kneecapped at the same time...
The Outcome:
I think this Fields kid might be okay after all.
Claypool's impact was limited in game one (2-13), but Fields was more than enough on his own, throwing for three TDs and rushing for a QB-record 178 yards and a fourth TD.
Yeah, they still lost, as the aforementioned defense couldn't stop Tua Tangyvanilla and the Dolphin offense when it counted. Yeah,it's a two-game losing streak (losing in a similarly inspirational fashion to Dallas last week). But the future is bright for Da Bears if Fields can maintain this trajectory (and they get some players to replace Robert Quinn and Roquan Smith).
Dolphins 35, Bears 32
Carolina Panthers vs. Cincinnati Bengals
The Narrative:
A Panther team smarting after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory vs. Atlanta versus a Bengals teams reeling after getting humiliated by in-state rival Cleveland. Who rebounds and who sinks further into the muck?
The Outcome:
Welcome to Beatdown, OH. Population: 47
Joe Mixon became the first Bengal with 5TDs in a single game (3 rush, 2 rec.) to go along with 211 scrimmage yards. After playing the best game of his career vs. Atlanta last week, PJ Walker had arguably his worst (3/10 for 9 yards, 2 INTs) Baker "Not Dead Yet" Mayfield came in in relief and threw two TDs, but Cinci had clearly taken their foot off the gas by then.
And the heat on Matt Rhule is... Oh, wait... They already fired him. Moving on.
Joe Mixon 42, Panthers 21
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions
The Narrative:
This may be Detroit's last chance to stick it to Discount Double Check. Will that defense allow them to seize the day? Will the moribund Packer offense step up and seize it themselves?
Whichever teams loses, it's "Start Thinking About 2023" time.
The Outcome:
Aaron Rogers threw three INTs, two of them drive-killing red zone picks, against the worst defense in the league.
And he STILL had a final shot to pull the game out.
And as a consolation prize, the Pack gets to host a Cowboys team coming off the bye. A Cowboys team who's weaknesses (running QBs and a strong inside running game) Green Bay has shown incapable of taking advantage of. Good luck!
And yay Detroit, I guess. Dan Campbell lives another day.
Lions 15, Packers 9
Oakland Las Vegas Raiders vs Jacksonville Jaguars
The Narrative:
The Raiders look to right the ship after getting humiliated by the Saints. Can they get their first road win of the season, or do the Jags keep the bad items going? Not that the Jags don't have their own questions coming in. (cough Trevor Lawrence cough).
The Outcome:
Davante Adams, 1st Half: 9-143-2
Davante Adams, 2nd Half: 1-3
How does Josh McDaniels still have a job?
Jags 27, Raiders 20
Indianapolis Colts vs. New England Patriots
The Narrative:
At this point, both teams are just trying to find out if they need to start looking into a new QB for 2023.
The Outcome:
Take it away, JaguarGator9:
And my man called it: Reich was HC Whacking #2 of the 2022 season.¹ Sorry to everyone who had Dan Campbell, Josh McDaniels or Brandon Staley in the pool.
Patriots 26, Colts 3
1. What's the record for in-season firings? I feel like I asked this question before.
Buffalo Bills vs. New York Jets
The Narrative:
Arguably the matchup of the week, even without Breece Hall. If Zach Wilson can minimize the mistakes (and James Robinson actually shows up), the J-E-T-S (COCK-TEASING-BASTARDS) might have a puncher's chance.
The Outcome:
What do you know? Those punches landed.Yeah, Robert Saleh went oldschool on the #1 Bills, leaning on defense and running (and a minimized Zach Wilson) to get the win. Josh Allen played his worst game of the season, finishing 18-of-34 for 205 yards with two interceptions. And it could have/should have been worse, as the Jets left at least two more picks on the turf. Stefon Diggs was held without a catch in the second half, the first time that's happened since he left Minnesota.
Now there's a clear blueprint on how to handle the Bills (get pressure with four, put a spy on Allen), how many teams can follow up on it?
And how many wins can the Jets bank before they NEED Wilson to step up (and can he answer that call)?
Jets 20, Bills 17
Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Deadnames
The Narrative:
The Vikes look to keep their lead on the NFC North, going to DC to play a surprisingly feisty Deadnames team. Taylor Heinicke is playing to let the world know he's starter caliber.
The Outcome:
Oh, right: This was also T.J. Hockenson's debut with the Purple People Eaters. In one game, he showed he's not just a replacement for Irv Smith, he might be an upgrade, caching nine passes for 77 yards and loosening things up nicely for Justin Jefferson (7-115-1) and Adam "remember me?" Theilen (3-67).
The Aritsts Formerly Known As The Racial Slurs took a ten-point lead early in the fourth, but couldn't hold, as Minnesota scored the last 13 points of the game,
Heinicke was... not that great (15-28, 149 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT), and one of those scores was on a freak play where this happens:
Not exactly padding the resume for 2023...
Vikings 20, Commanders 17
Seattle Seahawks vs. Arizona Cardinals
The Narrative:
First place in the NFC West is on the line. Kliff Kingsbury looks to lower the heat on his seat.
The Outcome:
Geno continues his lock campaign for Most Improved Player¹, throwing for 275 and 2 scores and looking like the far superior signal caller on the field. (And making Pete Carroll look like a genius for sticking with him) The Seahawks, who many (yours truly included) had tabbed as the division's cellar dweller, is sitting at 6-3, 1.5 games up on the Niners for the division lead, and can take that up to two with a win over Tampa in Munich.
The Cardinals continue to be their own worst enemy: Lack of discipline leading to penalties (11-72, including back-to-back False Starts. AT HOME) and turn overs (Kyler "Remember When All The Jalen Hurts Praise Went To ME" Murray fumbled on a sloppy hanled scramble) and a lack of reliable firepower outside Nuk Hopkins doomed their efforts.
And the seat underneath Kliff Kingsbury starts to burn in earnest. It's "Playoffs or Bust" time.
Seahawks 31, Cardinals 21
- In a year where Saquon Barkley and Christian McCaffery weren't also having monster season, he'd have locked up Comeback Player as well.
Los Angeles Rams vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Narrative:
Two teams that looked to be contenders in September, now just looking to get something, ANYTHING, positive going.
The Outcome:
The Bucs were the ones to stop the bleeding, as TB12 managed to scrounge up one more dose of Brady Magic, moving the team 60 yards in 35 seconds¹ for the winning TD pass to Cade "Who" Otton.
Of course, for every miraculous offensive drive, there is an equal, simultaneous defensive collapse. The Rams had Brady and the Bucs offense mostly shut down for 59 minutes.
That, plus Matt Stafford's inability to throw anyone not named "Cooper Kupp²", plus the oft-mentioned lack of a run game³ means even with the Bucs' well-established offensive woes, they couldn't generate the points to take advantage.
Frankly, it's a good thing multiple Super Bowl rings grant you a massive shield vs. criticism.
Bucs 16, Rams 13
- Which included a shotgun snap from the Rams' 7. #HAAAAATE
- It's like he's spent the entire season thinking "Well it worked in the Super Bowl"
- And of course, the broadcast itself mentioned the difference between the Super Bowl O-Line and the Rams' current line. Just like someone else did last week...
[SNF] Tennessee Titans vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Narrative:
A matchup with playoff seeding implications, as the AFC South leading Titans visit the West leading Chiefs. The Titans probably hope they don't need to look to Malik Willis anytime soon.
ETA:
Well, shit...
The Outcome:
Willis was 100% improved from Week 8.
Unfortunately, that's not the same as "good". (5-16, 80 yds). Though he did show some touch on the passes he did hit.
Fortunately, Derrick Henry was in full King Henry mode (17-115-2)
Even more fortunately, the Chiefs utterly abandoned the run: 9-77 as a team, with Mahomes as the ground leader (6-63-1), so the Titans got plenty of possessions to grind clock.
Unfortunately for Tennessee, Mahomes gonna Mahome: They drove straight down the field for a go-ahead FG in OT. Doubly-unfortunately, the Titans ran out of gas, going 4-and-out on their final drive.
But the Titans definitely showed that the way to beat Mahomes and the Chiefs was with pressure from the front four and minimal blitzing.Unlike the Colts (!) and the Bills, they couldn't convert that to a win.
Silver lining: Willis doesn't look
Chiefs 20, Titans 17
[MNF] Baltimore Ravens vs. New Orleans Saints
The Narrative:
On paper, this looks to be another Monday Night Bummer. Even more so, once TE Mark Edwards was ruled out, robbing RB8 of his most reliable target.
The Outcome:
At this point, the Saints offensive M*A*S*H unit is the only thing saving Dennis Allen's job right now.
Kenyon Drake ran for 93 yards and 2 TDs, RB8 added another 82, along with 133 and a score passing. This is a team without its leading receiver in Edwards and its leading back in Gus Edwards.
And of course, they inexplicably stuck with Andy "Just Another Dude At This Point" Dalton at QB. What the hell did Jameis Winston do that Allen leaves him chained to the bench like this?
Ravens 27, Saints 13
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