#NFL2021 - Week 15




Welcome to the Week in Review. *noncommittal shrug*




[Thursday Night] Kansas City @ Los Angeles Chargers

Call it “The Game No One Wanted To Win.”

At least that’s the way it seemed, with both teams trading failed, unnecessary 4th-and-goal attempts. Hard to say which was more inexplicable: Patrick Mahomes badly missing a short pass to Tyreke Hill (where he could have simply walked in, had he looked to run). Or the Chargers going for it THREE TIMES and getting skunked all three times?¹


But what KC had that once and future San Diego didn’t was Travis Kelce, who gained a career-high 191 yards receiving on 10 catches, scoring twice (including the game winner in OT)

The Chiefs are looking, once again, like Super Bowl contenders. Though their continued lack of a running game might bite them later. And I prefer to think of the Chargers as being cursed by the Football Gods to consistently derp² themselves whenever they have the stage to step into the upper echelon.³

Chiefs 34, Chargers 28 (OT)

  1. Though they got a fumble return TD on a subsequent KC possession, so the last one doesn’t really count.
  2. And Google Docs says “derp” is a real word. 😀
  3. Fuck you, Spanos.


[Saturday Night] New England Patriots @ Indianapolis Colts

Thanks to a defense out for blood, some timely special teams play and Johnathan Taylor clearly having stolen Derrick Henry’s mojo, the Colts had a 17-0 halftime lead, expanding to 20-0 into the fourth.

Thanks to Darth Hoodie’s deal with Satan, rookie Mac Jones rallied the troops to pull within three, at 20-17.


But because Satan is a dick, Taylor busted out with a 67-yard run to seal the win.


All that despite the fact that Carson Wentz went 5 of 12 for 57 yards.


The win puts Indy a game behind Tennessee for the AFC South lead and solidly in the wild card picture. The loss puts the Pats a game back of the Chiefs for the AFC #1 seed.

Colts 27, Patriots 17



Carolina Panthers @ Buffalo Bills


You know your running game hasn’t been up to snuff when 86 yards is a season high (for anyone who isn’t your quarterback). And yet those 86 from Devin Singletary were more than enough to take down the reeling Panthers.


Cam “Damn, this could be the end of the road” Newton inexplicably got the start again¹, and contributed more with his legs than with his arm²


Josh Allen had 310 and 3 TDs (with a pick) to lead the Bills to the win. The win keeps Buffalo within a game of New England for the AFC East and in control of their own destiny for at least a wild card. The Panthers, on the other hand, are speeding towards offseason mode. Towards that end, it’s looking very much like they’re going to give Sam Darnold one more chance to keep himself in Carolina’s 2022 plans. I hope he shows out down the stretch. I always felt Darnold season).


Bills 31, Panthers 14

  1. Doesn’t say great things about what they think of P.J. Walker when this is what they’d rather run with.
  2. 18/38 for 156, 1 and 1 through the air, 15 for 71 and a score on the ground

Arizona Cardinals @ Detroit Lions

Meh, another day, another embarrassing Lions loss. Moving on.

... ... ...

What do you mean “The Cardinals were the ones who got embarrassed?”

* checks box score *
* reads recaps in multiple sources*

* watches highlights on YouTube*





Moving on...


Lions 30, Cardinals 12

 

Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars


The Jags were a popular dark horse pick this week. Not that the Texas are all that threatening, but folks were counting on the “Dead Coach Bounce” to carry the Jags over a similarly struggling team.

Nope.

The only difference between last week’s Jaguars and this one was the increased presence of RB James Robinson¹ , who had his first TD and first double-digit carry in a month (18-75, 1 TD). Davis “The Excuse We’ll Use To Not Bring In a QB in 2022” Mills had a relatively good game - especially by Texan standards (19 of 30 for 209, 2 TDs, 1 INT). The Texans leaned mostly on their special teams (3 FGs and a Tremon Smith kickoff return) to get the job done here.

Somehow I don’t think Darrell Bevel is getting that “interim” tag removed from his title...


Texans 30, Jaguars 16

  1. In fact, one of the things credited with bringing down Urban Meyer was his convoluted answer when asked why Carlos Hyde (his former player at Ohio St) was getting so much play time over Robinson


New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins

With all due respect to both teams, I do not give a single fuck about this game or anyone in it. NExt.

Dolphins 31, Jets 24



Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants


The Cowboys’ defense was in rare form on Sunday. Forcing four turnovers... Completely shutting down the Giants offense... Micah Parsons looking like there’s two of him out there and Demarcus Lawrence filling in the gaps where Parsons wasn't.  The Dallas offense played efficient, mistake-free game.

And yet, I as a Cowboys fan, am uneasy.

That offense, as it is right now, is not going to beat many playoff teams. Dak hasn’t been the same since coming back from injury. The receivers and o-line have been in and out with various ailments. Can’t really afford to sit Zeke and let him heal, because of his importance to the passing game (not as a receiver, but in blitz pickup)

Not to mention the “live by the sword” nature of defenses that thrive on turnovers...

Real talk: Just offensive consistency, at this point, puts Dallas in the class of Green Bay and Tampa Bay.

Would not shock me to see mass benchings once Dallas clinches the division, as there's little chance of them overtaking the Packers for the bye.

And of course, to add insult, Sterling Sheppard was lost for the Giants late in the game.

Silver lining: The Giants might have something with Jake Fromm. Let's see if they give him a real chance.

Cowboys 21, Giants 6

  1. Or in the case of Amari Cooper, as Joel & The Bots would say “Deep personal stupidity.”


Tennessee Titans @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Here’s a sign of how dominant Derrick Henry was before he was lost to injury: He hasn’t played since Halloween, but his 937 yards rushing still doubles-up the current Titan starter (D’onta Freeman, who wasn’t on the roster in September) and is still good for fifth in the league.


I say this mostly to avoid talking about this turnover ridden trash fire of a game. How do you give up 168 yards total offense and lose?



That’s how. Moving on.

Steelers 19, Titans 13


Cincinnati Bengals @ Denver Broncos


If it weren’t for Teddy Bridgewater’s injury, this game gets a “NEXT.”



Frankly, if Teddy Bridgewater plays again this season, I’ll be shocked. And the player’s union should probably look into it.

Bengals 15, Broncos 10



Atlanta Falcons @ San Francisco 49ers

Make up your mind, Falcons. Do y’all suck or nah?

Niners 31, Falcons 13


Green Bay Packers @ Baltimore Ravens

Not sure what the narrative here should be: “Green Bay nearly got got by the backup QB” or “Rookie QB rises to challenge?”


No, wait: It’s “Kick the extra point, Harbaugh, you tool.”

Packers 31, Ravens 30


[Sunday Night] New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers



Some teams just have your number, no matter how much you dominate the rest of the league.

The Saints took down St. Brady of GoodPR and the Bucs for the fourth time out of five, including the playoffs¹, and seven of eight for the Saints over Tampa overall.

Yeah, it took an offense-free rock fight to do it, but the NFL doesn’t give style points.


And speaking of QBs, I hope this silences Team Taysom on the topic of him being a starting caliber QB. He’s not. He’s had three starts this year and the only one where he threw for more than 200 yards is the one where he also threw four picks (Week 12 vs Dallas). He also hasn’t thrown a touchdown since that game. Let’s face it, when your coach puts that many limits on what you can throw and when, it basically says “I don’t trust you to run my offense.”

Granted, it’s an offense that doesn’t seem to know what “Called QB Runs” or “RPOs” are, and one that might have the worst receiver corps in the league, but still..

Frankly, I’d be more perturbed, Whodat Nation, over what looks like the Saints ready and willing to ditch Rapey McCrablegs after half-a-season. Which, frankly, might be best for both men, as Sean Payton clearly has no idea what to do with running QB (and clearly no desire to learn).


Fun Fact:


Tom Brady has been shut out twice in his career but never in a home game:

-Sept. 7, 2003: 31-0 vs. the Bills

-Dec. 10, 2006: 21-0 vs. the Dolphins— Jeff Howe (@jeffphowe) December 20, 2021



Bonus Fun Fact: The QBs for those games? Joey Harrington (!) for the Dolphins... And Drew Bledsoe for the Bills. I’m betting that one was sweeter than making the Super Bowl for Bledsoe.

Saints 9, Tom Brady 0.

  1. Would've been 5 of 5 if Breesus’s arm hadn’t completely given out by the time the playoffs came around.

[Monday - COVID postponement] Las Vegas Raiders @ Cleveland Browns

Some things are worth the wait. This game was not one of them.

It legit looks like no one actually wants to win the AFC North...

Raiders 16, What Was Left of the Browns 14


[Monday Night] Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears

So basically, “tradition” (i.e., Chicago has never fired a coach, in-season) is the only thing keeping Matt Nagy employed at this point, right?

Vikings 17, Bears 9


[Tuesday - COVID] Washington Football Team @ Philadelphia Eagles

So we’re just gonna (literally) keep running Jalen Hurts out there, huh? We’re gonna keep pretending he’s Lamr Jackson instead of Kordell Stewart? Gonna leave the actual QB on the bench?

And somehow this works?

Granted, WTF is even more COVID-ravaged than the Browns.(to the point where Antonio Gibson was the leading rusher and receiver). But we’re gonna keep doing this, huh? Good luck, vs. [checks schedule... Vs. NYG, @ WTF, vs. Dallas, in Week 18, where the playoffs will have likely been settled and Cooper Rush and Corey Clement are the likely backfield.]


Well, they’ll make themselves think it's working. Again.

Eagles 27, WFT’s Remains 17



[Tuesday - COVID] Seattle Seahawks @ Los Angeles Rams


I heard the Around the NFL crew call this the worst prime time game this year. Strong words, especially considering Saints/Bucs and Vikings/Bears are on the table.


But other than the performance of Cooper “The Greatest White WR since Steve Largent” Kupp, I can’t find anything that argues with that opinon. Up until the Rams had a rally in the fourth, it was a badly played, badly officiated (The DeeJay Dallas non-PI call was particularly atrocious) slog.

With loss #9, it brings to an end the Pete Carroll ‘Hawks streak of non-losing seasons at nine. It also clearly means we’re in the last three games of Russell Wilson’s Seattle career. And he is NOT going out on a high note.(17/31 for 156 yards, 1 INT)


Rams 20, Seahawks 10


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