2012 - Week 14

 

Welcome to the Week in Review...   RIP Demaryius Thomas.




[Thursday Night] Pittsburgh Steelers @ Minnesota Vikings


So was this game the Vikings withstanding a furious rally from a prideful (defensively) veteran team or was this Mike Zimmers’ crew nearly gagging away a 29-0 lead (nearly wasting Dalvin COok’s best game in two years)?


Yes.


Big Ben, having sorta kinda announced his retirement as seasons’ end, seems to have drawn strength from the decision.  He threw for 308 and 3TDs and he and Najee Harris (20-94, 1 TD, 1 TD Rec).  They came within a play (and a 2-pt conversion) of tying the game as time expired, with Rapelisberger hissing TE Pat Freiermuth in the end zone.  It took a big league hit from All-Pro Harrison Smith to knock the ball free to secure the win.

This game came down to the defense, which looked dominant and swiss cheese depending on the drive.  The Vikes sacked Big Ben 5 times, picked him off once, and shut down the entire Pitt. offense for 40 minutes.  But in that 20 minutes, the Steelers picked off Kirk Cousins¹ twice (He came in with three INTs on the season) and got crucial stops.

An ultimately entertaining game that ultimately proves nothing and will mean nothing in the long run.


  1. Once again, when the lights are brightest, Kirk Cousins plays like crap.


Vikings 36, Steelers 28

Atlanta Falcons  @ Carolina Panthers


They say “When you have two quarterbacks, you have no quarterbacks.”  Matt Rhule elected to play both Cam “Can’t blame it on COVID this time” Newton and P.J. “Pefectly Jeneric” Walker vs. Atlanta.  Didn’t so much “work” as “Atlanta’s offense sucked enough for that not to be a problem.”


The Falcons are 6-7, 5-2 on the road.  Because why should things make sense?

The Panthers are 5-8 and look lost on offense without Run CMC.  Which wastes a decent defense, week after week.


Falcons 29, Panthers 21

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns


The Brown manage to knock RB8 out of the game with an ankle injury and ran up a 24-3 lead.

Then had to hang on as Jackson’s backup, the mighty Tyler Huntley¹,  rallied the Ravens in the fourth.


Because the Browns insist on playing life in Hard Mode.


Browns 24, Ravens 22


  1.  Rookie UFA out of Utah.

Seattle Seahawks @ Houston Texans


Davis Mills had his best game as a pro against The Artists Formerly Known As The Legion of Boom (33 of 49 for 331 and a score, no turnovers).

It didn’t help a lick.

Mr. Ciara threw for 260 and two scores (one of which was a 55-yard bomb to Tyler Lockett), but the real star of the day for Seattle was Rashaad Penny, who ran 137 and 2 TDs on 16 carries.

But hey, Ka'imi Fairbairn hit a 61-yarder, so small victories!

Las Vegas Raiders @ Kansas City Chiefs


So, Raiders...


You thought it would be a good idea to have a quick team pregame huddle on top of the KC logo.  You did this to a team still salty about that “victory lap” you did with the team buses last year.




On their first play from scrimmage, Chiefs CB Mike Hughes picked up a Josh Jacobs fumble and  returned it 23 yards for a touchdown.  It got worse from there.


Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


Chiefs 48, Raiders 9

New Orleans Saints @ New York Jets


Saints + Alvin Kamara + Bad Opponent - Taysom Hill throwing = Big Win.


Good gawd, the Jets suck.


Saints 30, Jets 9

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans


When your coach has more official “I didn’t have a fight with ____¹²” statements than wins, it’s time to pull the plug.  Waiting until the end of the season does no one any good.

As I write this, Shad Khan has already said he’s not going to “make a hasty decision” on Meyer, citing that he gave Gus Bradley and Doug Marrone both four years.

Maybe, but Bradley and Marrone didn’t turn the entire team against them in less than a year.


They also didn’t do petty shit like this:

.

Titans 20, Jaguars 0


  1. Veteran WR Marvin Jones being his latest opponent.

  2. And Tall Glass of STFU for threatening the job of whoever leaked that “rumor”.  Maybe you should focus more on the fact your team hates you than that someone told the world your team hates you.

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Football Team


When Dallas’ offense and defense are clicking at the same time, they look unstoppable.  Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case at least since Dak went out with that calf injury.  The offense just hasn’t looked quite right since.  Injuries to Zeke Elliott and most of the O-Line (at one time or another)  and Tony Pollard this week haven’t helped in  refinding the rhythm.

Because, if the defense hadn’t played lights out for most of the game and Washington’s receivers didn’t have a bad case of the dropsies, this easily could’ve gotten away from Dallas.  Washington rallied in the fourth, behind backup QB Kyle Allen (Taylor Heinike was out with a knee injury) and Pick 6 on a bad Dak INT.  If the defense hadn’t come through with a timely forced fumble¹, things could’ve turned out quite different.


Dallas has three of their last four in-division (plus hosting Arizona on Jan. 2).  Going .500 down the stretch locks the division down (They’re up three on Washington and Philly, with the latter on tap for Week 18(!)).

The Re-Skins are still in striking distance of a Wild Card slot at 6-7, but will probably need some help.  Because we live in the Football Upside Down..


Gregory & Parsons 27, WTF 20


  1. Don’t want to hear “His arm was going forward”, Re-Skin Nation.  If that was true, then Allen gets called for  Intentional Grounding.

Detroit Lions @ Denver Broncos


The Broncos honored their fallen former star, Demarious Thomas, with a 28pt beat down of Detroit, who in turn, followed up their first win of the season with typical Lions Ball.


Melvin Gordon and Javonte Williams combined for 184 rushing yards and three TDs.  Teddy Ballgame chipped in two TD passes with his usual mistake-free play.


About the best thing the Lions did all day was declining the Delay of Game penalty when Denver opened the game fielding only ten players.


Broncos 38, Lions 10

New York Giants @ Los Angeles Chargers


Mike Glennon subbed in at QB for an injured Daniel Jones.  Again.

It didn’t help.  Again.

The Chargers’ coin landed on “Don’t Suck” this week and proceeded to beat the brakes off the hapless Gi’Aints.  Two garbage time TDs made the score look respectable, but outside of that, the Chargers did what they wanted, when they wanted.  Shame they can’t seem to do that vs. AFC teams (ones that don’t suck, anyway).


How bad was this beating, really?  ESPN.Com doesn’t even have a recap of the game.


Chargers 37, Giants 21

San Francisco 49ers @ Cincinnati Bengals


The only consistent thing about the Bengals this year¹ is that they’ve consistently shown they’re a year or two (and a beefed-up O-Line²) away from being a real contender.  Right now, they’re midcarders (to borrow a pro wrestling phrase):  They’re the kind of team that can jump up and take down one of the elites every now and again, but will generally get beaten by the heavyweights.

Not that San Fran is any sort of heavyweight, but they’ve got more dynamic playmakers on their side to make the difference when facing another midcarder.  And by “more dynamic playmakers”, I mean “George Kittle” (13-151, 1 TD) and Brandon Aiyuk (6-62, 1 TD).


Niners 26, Bengals 23 (OT)


  1. Outside of announcers and analysts giving Joe Burrow reacharounds at every opportunity, that is.

  2. Not gonna beat very many good teams routinely giving up 3-5 sacks a game.


Buffalo Bills @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers


If you just watched the fourth quarter and OT, this was a Game of the Year candidate, with Josh Allen using his arms and legs to will the Bills back into the game.

If you stopped watching somewhere in the third quarter (like I did), you were left wondering if Buffalo was even an NFL team.  The only things that worked offensively for Buffalo were Josh Allen runs.  They didn’t call a single run for their running backs (such as they are) in the first half - the first time that’s happened since the 1990s. (And only called seven in the second half).


If you just read the recaps: “TOM BRADY IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME AND YOU SHOULD ALL FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND SERVICE HIM AT HIS COMMAND!”


Bucs 33, Bills 27 (OT)


[Sunday Night]  Chicago Bears @ Green Bay Packers


Again, if you could simply watch one part of the game (in this case, the second quarter), it looked like a slugfest between Da Bears and Narcissus McOwmytoe and co.

Seen as a whole, it was Chicago throwing everything they had at Green Bay, and getting Rope-A-Doped, showing absolutely nothing in the second half.  It’s amazing looking at the box score:  It’s like a pre-season game where Chicago pulled all the starters at the half, but Green Bay kept playing theirs.  


Justin Fields showed why the Bears faithful have such high hopes for him (but simultaneously fear for his life): 224 yards and 2TDs on 18 of 33 passing, along with 74 rushing yards on nine carries.  But also two picks.  Get this guy some playmakers (and some blocking) and we could see the kind of QB play we haven’t seen from a Bears QB since... Ever.


Packers 45, Bears 30


[Monday Night]  Los Angeles Rams @ Arizona Cardinals


If I told you the Cardinals’ home/road record splits into 7-0 and 3-3, you'd think that’s about right for a contending team, right?  Except the split is “7-0 road, 3-3 home”, including this game.

Aaron Donald and the Rams’ defense disrupted the Cardinal air attack, keeping Kyler Murray and co. from hitting the home run balls that are their bread and butter.  Settling for field goals just wasn’t gonna cut it on this night.  Murray was picked off twice and sacked four times. James Connor had two scores on the ground, but only 31 yards on 13 carries. (Yup, Murray was the leading rusher with 61 yards on seven carries).  Cooper Kupp was dominant once again for the Rams (13-123, 1 TD) and OBJ had his best game of the year (6-77, 1 TD), powering The Rams to the win.  


With said loss, Arizona falls back to third place for the only playoff bye (Green Bay is now the current #1 seed).  With the win, LA climbs to within a game of Arizona with four to go (2-2 in division with games at Seattle and San Fran left). Arizona is 4-1 in division, closing out with Seattle to end the season.   ‘Zona will probably need to drop two down the stretch for the Rams to even have a shot.


Which means Zona utterly collapses down the stretch because that’s the way 2021 rolls.


Rams 30, Cardinals 23


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