#NFL2021 - Week 4

 Welcome to the Week in Review.   That was $15 down the drain...

 

 (Thursday Night)  Jaguars 21, Bengals 24

Another game, another Jags fiasco. Mild this time, though; They couldn't hold off the Bengals late as Joe "Boomer Who?  Andy Who?" Burrow led two late scoring drives.

Normal Meh TNF stuff.

Thank God for Urban Meyer doing a Bobby Petrino imitation.

Not "Dips out on his team mid-season for a coaching job he denied being interested in" imitation.  "Being hella inappropriate with young women who aren't his wife" imitation.

The sitch:  Rather than fly home with the team, Meyer took a trip to his bar & grill in Columbus, likely seeking the comfort of people who still think he's awesome (that aren't his family).  Where this happened.

(If the vid doesn't show for you:  Its a young woman apparently giving Meyer a semi-lap dance)

Now if this were a younger, less hardassed HC, this would be a mild bit of cringe at most (Where's his hand, yo?).  But being a Family Man of High Moral Fiber, Meyer publicly apologized for the incident.

 Then a second video emerged, purporting to show the incident from a different angle.

 

(WHERE ARE YOUR FINGERS, SIR?)

Again, this isn't anything that should even come close to a firing offense (Even if it did, the Jags' play would still rank higher).  But damn, sir... That is not a good look!  Teams have cut players and assistant coaches loose for less.

 

WTF 34, Falcons 30

So apparently the key to (finally) unlocking Cordarrelle Patterson's potential was to basically play him like a plus-sized Eric Metcalf. (116 scrimmage yards, 3TDs).

Too bad it didn't result in a win.

Taylor "Ryan Who?" Heinicke (doing his own Patrick Mahomes imitation), fended off two Falcon defenders and heaved a pass to Terry McLaurin, who beat double coverage to make the game winning catch.

I thought the Dirty Birds were finished with finding new and novel ways to choke?

Texans 0, Bills 40

Huh...  Maybe Tyrod Taylor will get his job back this time?

Lions 14, Bears 24

Justin Fields notches his first win as a pro and I have yet another reason to laugh at another meathead MANLY MAN HC in Dan Campbell.

And yet, Matt Nagy still insists Andy Dalton is QB1 and will start when healthy.  Because Matt Nagy clearly doesn't want to be Bears HC for very long.

Panthers 28, Cowboys 36

I was wondering why Aikman and Buck weren't on this game.  Then I remembered they had the TNF game.  That seems like a bad move.

This was the stiffest test so far for the then-3-0 Panthers, especially their top-ranked defense.  Said defense would be (on paper) the Cowboys' stiffest test.  They traded punches up to halftime, where the Panthers held a 14-13 lead.¹

 Then Dallas went Super Saiyan for the third quarter. The Panthers' possessions for the Third?  Three-and-out, Stefon Diggs INT, Stefon Diggs INT.  The Boys pounced, taking a 36-14 lead into the fourth.

And then they let Sam Darnold will Carolina back into the game with two fourth quarter TDs.  Fun fact:  With two rushing TDs in this game, Sam Darnold is currently the league leader in rushing TDs with 5².

Back in my days as a regular sports talk caller, I used to end my calls with "Avoid the rush: Fire Switzer now." Because I knew that, despite his success, Barry Switzer was a goddamned meathead and his tenure in Dallas would only end in frustration and tears.  I cannot conceive of a universe where Mike McCarthy gets his shit together and leads the Cowboys to glory on his own merits, rather than in spite of them (like Switzer and his Super Bowl win).  So from here until his departure from Dallas, I will be ending every recap of Cowboys games with:  Avoid the rush, fire McCarthy now.

1. Seriously: Why would you go for two that early?
2. Derrick Henry, James Conner and Zeke Elliot are tied for second with four. 

 

Colts 27, Dolphins 17

The Colts pull down their first win of the season, knocking the Fish into their third straight loss.

I defy you to come up with anything else significant about this game.

 

Browns 15, Vikings 7

I literally have no idea how address this three-hour speed bump.   Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt combined for 169 yards and a score, so that's something, right?

Right?

Giants 27, Saints 21 (OT)

Will the real Saints stand up?   Are you the squad that humiliated the Packers and smashed the Patriots or are you the squad that got taken apart by Carolina and couldn't hold off the f'ing Giants late?

 

Daniel Jones had his best game as a pro (28-40 for 402, 2 TDs, 1 INT) and Saquon Barkley looked like Saquon Barkley for the first time in two years (126 total yards, 2 TDs, including the game winner).  

 

Hell of a way to open the Superdome for the season.

The Saints have one of the worst pass defenses in the league (26th in yards given up).  And unlike Dallas or Tampa (31st and 32nd, respectively), they don't have the offensive firepower to make up for that.  Rapey McCrablegs has been neither the rejuvenated gunslinger nor the trainwreck people predicted in August.  He's been mediocre at best.  He hasn't topped 300 yards or even 30 attempts so far.  He has 8 TD passes, but five of those were from the Packers game.  It's as if Sean Payton doesn't quite trust him to let it fly like he clearly wants to.  Alvin Kamara has been a no-show so far, averaging 74 yards a game with no TDs on the ground (he has 2 receiving).  And they still haven't replaced Mark Ingram as the thunder to Kamara's lightning.

If they can't get the offensive ship righted, it could be a long painful year in the Big Easy.

 

Titans 24, Jets 27 (OT)

Speaking of righting the ship, what the hell, Titans?

YEah, it was a road game.  But it was a road game vs. an 0-3 Jets squad that couldn't get out of it's own way.  Yet you guys were the ones who couldn't keep the pass rush off your QB (Tannehill got sacked 7 times).  Derrick Henry did Derrick Henry things (157 and a score, plus 20 receiving), but it wasn't enough to counter Zach Wilson's best game to date (small sample size, sure): 31 of 34 for 289 and 2 TDs.

This 0-3 team took you to overtime.  Where you were looking to salvage a tie with a last second field goal.  Which missed.

Good thing the rest of the AFC South sucks.

Oh and gg J-E-T-S.

Chiefs 42, Eagles 30

So, Philly?  Y'all are gonna just not run the ball¹?  You're gonna let Jalen Hurts play hero ball all season?  You DO know he's not actually Mike Vick, right?

1. 19 for 103 as a team, but roughly half of that total was Hurts (8-47)

 

Cardinals 37, Rams 20

Were we looking at the wrong NFC West team as The Team To Beat?

Kyler Murray continues to make a case for MVP¹, leading the young Cards to an impressive upset win over the previously unbeaten Rams. 

Apparently the formula for beating the Matt Stafford-led Rams is "Blanket Cooper Kupp and make Stafford throw to anyone else (because he won't, apparently)."  Kupp was 5-64 on 13 targets.  More targets as the next two Rams combined (Van Jefferson and Robert Woods with 6 each).  Stafford forcing the ball to Kupp was a big part of why the offense sputtered for the first time all season. 

 

That's something they're going to need to work out, if they don't want every opponent going forward.

And somehow, the Cardinals are the last undefeated team left, at 4-0.²  And no, I'm still not a believer in Kliff Kingsbury.  Though they've got 12 13 games to make me eat those words.

1. My vote is still for Dak.  #ShamelessHomer
2. Whoops!  Spoiler! 

Ravens 23, Broncos 7

Scenario:  Your starting QB is playing not-so-good before getting knocked silly and benched for concussion protocols.  You have a running game that was one of the league's best coming in.  Do you lean on the ground game and grind it out... Or do you bring in the backup you clearly don't believe in and let him do whatever?

"Whatever" being 12-21 for 113 and a pick.

You'd think his team laying an egg like this would give Vic Fangio more to be angry about than the Ravens running a play in the last seconds to secure their 43rd consecutive 100-yard rushing game (which ties the mark set by Pittsburgh from 1974-77).  Bruh, this wasn't Greg Schiano having his team dive at the ball during a kneeldown.  It was a simple play (RB8 out of the shotgun, around the end for 5 yards), just enough to get the job done.

Calm the actual fuck down.

Seahawks 28, Niners 21

When a team hands you opportunities - like the Seahawks going three-and-out on their first five drives (for -7 yards) - you need to pounce on that shit.  If for no other reason than you know Mr. Ciara is going to snap out of it and get rolling sooner or later.

They did not, and he did.

Jimmy G went down with a calf injury in the second quarter, giving Trey Lance his first extended work of the season.  Outside of the 76-yd bomb to Deebo Samuel, he kinda sucked.  He went for 157 yards and two TDs on 9-of-18 passing.  Outside of hitting a wide open Samuel on a busted coverage, his passes were all over the place (his first pass hit George Kittle in the feet).  If Jimmy G can't go next week, they're gonna need him to do much MUCH better.

Steelers 17, Packers 27

Yes, I know Mason Rudolph isn't exactly Steve Young waiting for his chance behind Joe Montana or Aaron Rodgers behind Bert Favor.  Hell, he's not even Danny White behind Roger Staubach.

But seriously, Coach Omar Epps, you're gonna need to pull Big Ben   Hell, you should've pulled him last year.  But unless you're willing to sacrifice this season on the altar of Rapelisberger's ego, make the change.

(Sunday Night) Bucs 19, Patriots 17

For all the buildup and anticipation for the BRADY REVENGE GAME!!!...  This was kind of a meh affair until the fourth quarter, with the team trading field goals until Nick Folk missed a 56-yard try with less than a minute to play.

 

 Brady was solid (22 of 43 for 269, no scores).  Mac Jones stepped up for his best game to date (275 and 2 on 31 of 40 passing) in the loss.

Reportedly Brady and Darth Hoodie had a private talk-it-out session postgame.  Good for them.   Couldn't care less.

(Monday Night) Raiders 14, Chargers 28

Oakland Los Angeles Las Vegas ran face first into their first real defense and were not up to the task.  A task Chucky insisted on tackling in hard mode, continuing to run the ball with Josh Jacobs, despite Jacos and the run game as a whole clearly not being up for the task. (18-48 as a team).  They largely abandoned the run in the second half to make it close, but too little too late.

Kind of ironic that San Diego LA played arguably their best game of the year, largely in front of a crowd cheering for the other team.