#NFL 2020 - Week 14





Welcome to the Week in Review, where we think “Faithless Electors” would make a good band name.




(TNF) Patriots 3, Rams 24


If Week 13 was the Pats telling the world “Don’t write us off”, Week 14 one one big “never mind.”


I don’t know if Cam is “done” done, but it’s plainly obvious that he doesn’t have it. He’s running on fumes halfway though the second quarter. Which is a problem, since Cam is pretty much the entire Patriot offense at this point. Unless Darth Hoodie and co. are counting on a potential (further) playoff expansion, it’s time to start playing for 2012. Which means “Start Jarret Stidham for the final three games.’


The Rams showed one thing: If they can get the run game going¹, with that defense ,they can beat anyone in the NFC. Except maybe the Packers.


Fun Fact: This seventh loss breaks New England’s streak of 17 consecutive seasons of double-digit wins. Another loss breaks the 20-year streak of being over .500. The non-losing streak is also at 20 seasons (They were 5-11 in 2000, Belichick’s first season)


Fun Fact #2: Sean McVay is now 34-0 when his Rams have the lead at halftime. Say whatever else you will about the man’s coaching, he knows how to keep his foot on an opponent’s neck.



  1. And maybe pick a feature back and stick with them.



Vikings 14, Bucs 26


This was basically an elimination game, and one team did not look ready to answer the bell. Outside of Dalvin Cook, anyway.


The Tampa defense knocked Kirk Cousins back to the land of “I Don’t Know About That Guy”, ending his hot streak of three straight 300+ yard/3 TD games (225/1), sacking him six times and shutting him down in the fourth.


Dan Bailey going 0-4 on his kicks (3 FGs and an XP)¹ didn’t help the cause at all.



Tom Brady threw for 196 and 2, including his 80th TD to Gronk.







  1. The first kicker to miss that much in one game without a make since Washington’s John Aveni in 1961.


Haason Reddick 26, Giants 7


Welp, so much for that...


The Cardinals were reeling on a three-game losing streak. The Giants were surging on a four-game win streak. At home, one figured the Giants would keep the good times rolling.

One would be horribly horribly wrong.


Now, it would be easy to blame the newly-returned Daniel Jones for the Giants’ sudden offensive nosedive. So I will.


Sure, Haason Reddick’s once-in-a-lifetime day (5 sacks, 3 fumble recoveries¹) drove things for the Gridiron Redbirds (who had eight sacks overall). And the defense that had clown shoes put on them by the Rams in the previous week held the Giants to four plays in their territory (All on the Giants’ only scoring drive). But yeah, Daniel Jones is Teh Suk.



  1. Coming into the game, Reddick had 5.5 sacks and 3 fumble recoveries for his career.





Chiefs 33, Dolphins 27


Good effort, Miami.





But the story here isn’t the outcome, or even Mami’s near-miss comeback. It’s TuaTangyvanila’s seeming epiphany late. He seemed to suddenly get the concept of throwing receivers open and trusting them to make the play, rather than just throwing underneath unless his target was wide open. (His TD passto Mike Gesicki, for example.)

But, ultimately, the Blowholes couldn’t take advantage of Mahomes’ first three-INT game and... Whatever this was.





PROTIP Mr. Mahomes: This is not Tecmo Bowl and you are not Bo Jackson.



Titans 31, Jaguars 10


If you’re reading this, you can probably pretty easily guess who the top two rushers in the NFL currently are.

But if I told you the #3 rusher was in this game, I’m betting the majority reaction would be “Wait.... Derrick Henry is only #3?”


No: King Henry is safely on top of the leaderboard, followed by Dalvin Cook. The bronze medalist in question is Jacksonville’s James Robinson, who is having a near anonymous 1000-yard season. He’s been JAX’s lone offensive highlight in this long disappointment of a season.


And speaking of disappointments: El Mustachio Magnifico made his first appearance since Week 7, after the game was out of hand and Mike Glennon was doing Mike Glennon things. (13/23 for 85 yds, 1 INT). Minshew has already been named Week 15 starter I guess the Jags front office has decided...

  1. They should really let Minshew play, if they’re going to get any sort of trade value from him.
  2. They ain’t catching the Jets for the #1 pick, but they’re too far in the tank for Minshew to put them in danger of missing out on Justin Fields (or Trevor Lawrence, if the Jets somehow get hot) They’d need to win 2 of their last 3 to even be in danger of falling past Cincy for the 2 pick.¹
  3. Minshew gives them their best chance of being watchable for these last three weeks.




  1. Teams 3-6 - the Bengals,Chargers and Cowboys - aren’t likely to choose a QB. But they’d be in prime territory to trade the pick to a team that would, should they leapfrog JAX.



(TANK BOWL!) Cowboys 30, Bengals 7


Unlike Dez Bryant, Andy Dalton got his Revenge Game.


As I’ve said time and again, “A win is a win in the NFL.” But whooping up on what may be the worst team in the league (without Joe Burrow) feels... Unsatisfying.


Saw some good things: The defense forcing turnovers on the Bengals’ first three drives, Tony Pollard sloooowly being given more to do (and delivering), The Red Rifle throwing for 2 TDs and staying (mostly) upright


But this just doesn’t move the needle. Still in the NFC East basement, still in the #5 slot in the draft order. If they can keep things rolling in Week 15, we may have something. But barring that... Meh.


Texans 7, Bears 36


#FreeDeshaunWatson



Broncos 32, Panthers 27


So the buzz around this game centers around the QBs, and frankly, neither is telling a good story.

With Drew Lock; the story is that he finally took John Elway’s advice to heart: Stop trying to hit the big one every time; Take what the defense gives you and use that to set up the deep stuff later. That doesn’t speek well of Lock’s intelligence if it’s taken him this long to realize YOLO Ball doesn’t work in the NFL.

The other story is Teddy Bridgewater apparently falling out of favor with Carolina with mediocre play. That kind of talk came to a head with Carolina’s last play: A 4th-and-8 where Bridgewater dumped off to Curtis Samuel well short of the sticks. Admittedly, Teddy Ballgame did himself no favors by “explaining” that he thought the dump off was a better option than risking a sack there. 

 Um, Ted? It was Fourth Down, under two minutes and you’re behind. How would a sack do anything other than make your stats worse.

But why would Samuel even run a route that doesn’t take him to the sticks? Is that on him? Bridgewater? The coaches? Seems to me Bridgewater’s lukewarm play has many sources. I’d be stunned if he was still a Panther in 2021.

And while we’re here: Panthers Front Office? Just put Christian McCaffrey on season ending IR. Enough with the week-to-week shit. There is no possible good coming out of even trying to play him this season



Colts 44, Raiders 27


And we officially stamp the Raiders “Not Ready For Prime Time.”


Vegas has lost three of their last four and needed a miracle bomb to Henry Ruggs to beat The Jets to keep from going 0-4. The Raiders have been pushed around and dominated on both sides of the line. That won’t get you many Ws.

They’ve scapegoated/sacrificed DC Paul Guenther in response and while his defense hasn’t exactly been The Eleven Angry Men, I think the Raiders utter lack of elite talent on the defensive side of the ball¹ has more to do with things than the coaching. I could be wrong.


Big ups to rookie Johnathan Taylor, who rushed for 150 and 2 scores, spearheading the Colts’ attack. Not everyone gets to say their big day got someone fired.

  1. Two years later, the Khalil Mack trade still looks like ass on the Raiders’ part.




Alex Smiths 23, Niners 15


PROTIP: It doesn’t matter if you knock the staring QB out of the game for the entire second half, if you’re just going to let their defense score instead.


Just saying.


Saints 21, Eagles 24


Looks like I owe someone an apology.


Last week, I completely shat on the idea that Jalen Hurts could be a star in the NFL, based strictly on his unmet expectations in college. This utterly ignored several NFL superstars and other notables who weren’t exactly Johnny Football in college.

  • The obvious one: Tom Brady was a sixth rounder who split time at Michigan.
  • Russell Wilson transferred from NC State to Wisconsin because the coaching staff chose Mike Glennon over him.
  • The late Brooks Berringer was Tommy Frasier’s backup at Nebraska, yet he got far more draft buzz as a QB than Heisman winner Frasier.



That’s not to say Hurts still can’t prove to ultimately be a washout, but game #1 showed promise, ast Hurt gave the Iggles a spark with his legs (10-106) that Carson Wentz is simply incapable of.¹ I don’t know if Miles Sanders suddenly providig some support (14-115, 2 TDs) was a coincidence or nah. But that sustained run game gave Philly some needed relief for their beleaguered defense. The defense responded with four sacks, an INT and stuffing the Saints ground game.


I’m not saying the Saints could’ve avoided this fate by starting Jameis Winston... But they could’ve avoided this by starting Jameis Winston.


Also a bit of post-game controversy: Hurts displayed a rather impressively sized tongue on the sideline, and Eagles beat reporter Russ Joy made what would seem to be the obvious reference.




As this is the Age of the Internet and there is nothing under the sun that people cannot take insult from, a section of Black Twitter rose up in unified saltiness to inform Joy that that that was actually a signature of the Omega Psi Phi fraternity (of which Hurts was a member).


Fair enough: But I’d have still made the Simmons reference. I mean, look at the size of that thing!


And Tall Glass of STFU to Black Sports Online, for trying to treat this like Omega Psi Phi is a widely known entity outside of Black Greek circles and that Joy should’ve known and was being intentionally reductive, rather than going with a FAR more universally known reference. Fuck that, fuck you and fuck that trash ass click trap format of your entire site.



  1. And if he is capable, he straight up doesn’t want to.





Falcons 17, Chargers 20


In a game of “Well, they can’t both lose”, the Chargers managed to turn into the skid long enough to eake out a win.on a Mike Badgley 43-yard FG. This, despite the two teams combining for three INTs in the fourth in a game of “You win! No YOU Win!”


I honestly believe had the Chargers lost, this would’ve been the final straw for Anthony Lynn’s tenure. Sure he only gets three more games, but at least he can say he had a full season.


Oh, and Fuck You, Spanos. ($1 to Urinating Tree)


Packers 31, Lions 24


Way closer than it needed to be, guys. Just saying.


And scuttlebutt is that if Matt Stafford’s ribs are in bad enough shape to keep him out for any extended time, we might have seen the last of him in a Lions uniform. Which is a shame. I think the guy got a bum rap. Sure, thanks to a couple of guys in Green Bay, he was never even the best QB in his division, but he continued to put numbers even without Megatron. The guy is unarguably the best QB the franchise has had since Bobby Layne, and he deserved better, in terms of accolades and support from the team.


May he find a career renaissance elsewhere.


(SNF) Steelers 15, Bills 26


Did the Steelers just get D’bo’d¹ for the #2 seed? Not quite, but I dare anyone to argue that the Bilsl didn’t stake a strong claim to being the second-best AFC team.


The Steelers still back into the playoffs, via Miami’s loss to KC, but coming down the stretch, they look like a flawed, vulnerable team. The rush attack has vanished and the passing attack has devolved into YOLO Ball (short passes? Check downs? What are those?). In this current NFL, you can’t lean that hard on your defense to pull you through against top competition.

  1. RIP Tiny Lister.



(MNF) Ravens 47, Browns 42


Game of the year? Game of the year. Hell, the fourth quarter alone would qualify.


Damn, who’d have thought that phrase would be associated with Cleveland? Someone must have thought something like it, otherwise they would not have flexed this into the MNF slot¹.


This one had it all: Big plays, lead swaps, last second heroics, and even a record or two. The two teams’s nine combined rushing TDs tied a record that has stood since 1922². We even had a bit of mild “controversy.”: The team and the man himself claim that Lamar Jackson’s absence for most of the fourth quarter was due to cramping issues. Something Jackson’s recent tussle with Human Malware lends credence to. But, of course, some people claim it was actually a Paul Pierce-style potty emergency.



I’m not sure if the latter would make Jackson’s Willis Reed moment better or worse?


As an aside: Small Glass of STFU to the ESPN announcing crew, for speculating that the younger folk in the audience probably wouldn’t know Willis Reed is to recognize the reference. How many viewers wouldn’t recognize the Reed reference but would recognize the Superman/phone booth one?


Amazingly enough, people are treating this as a win for the Browns, as it took some superheroics from RB7 to steal the win. Granted, that meant they were this close to getting clipped by Trace McSorely, but still...


Fun Fact: This was also the first time the Ravens and Browns have met this late in the season, where both teams were above .500.


Definitely the best game since the Rams/Chiefs all-timer from 2018.


And speaking of other game comparisons: Worse bad beat: The game ending safety here screwing over everyone who had the Browns at +3.5 or the Eagles/Seahawks’ Hail Mary/2pt conversion flipping every Seahawks -6.5 win to an Eagles cover?


  1. Bumping Cowboys/Bengals back to Sunday.
  2. Rock Island and Evansville and then Racine and Louisville: Four teams that were all defunct by 1930.








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