2020 - Week 16



Welcome to the Week in Review, where the Phrase That Pays is “Blowouts!”

 


(Friday) Alvin Kamara 52, Vikings 33



Just think: If Sean Payton didn’t give a pity touch to Taysom Tebow, that could’ve been a record-setting seven rushing TDs by Kamara.


As is, Kamara tied the 91 year-old mark of 6 rushing TDs, formerly held solo by HOFer Ernie Nevers of the Chicago Cardinals. He’s also the first player since Gale Sayers to score six TDs in a game, period. It was also a career high 153 on the ground for Kamara (and only his third career 100 game).


All of which helped hide the fact that Breesus looked like ass. Again (19/26 for 311, but with no TDs and two awful INTs).


To think: This was supposed to be a head-to-head battle between the two best running backs in the league (Who aren’t Derrick Henry).


(Sat. 1PM) Bucs 47, Lions 7







(Sat. 4:30) Niners 20, Cardinals 12


You had one job, Arizona: Beat the undead carcass of the Niners. Now all you did is make sure SF DC Robert Saleh leapfrogs Eric Bienemy to be the hot head coaching candidate.


If nothing else, Saleh put a big fat bow around the fact that Kliff Kingsbury OFFENSIVE SUPER GENIUS can’t seem to grasp that he doesn’t have to put Nuk Hopkins on the left side of the formation every goddamned time. Just because Hopkins can make it work doesn’t mean you need to make him make it work.


(Sat. 7:15) Dolphins 26, Raiders 25



Takeaways:


Dolphins


  1. Y'all need to decide if you're playing for the playoffs or 2021. If it's the former, Ryan Fitzpatrick needs to be the starter going forward. If it's the latter, you need t stop pulling Tua Tagovailoa in crunch time. Let the kid sink or swim. But you also can't count on the Bills putting it in cruise control for the game That being said.
  2. The Dolphins skill positions are mediocre at best. It's NEVER good when your starting QB is your best playmaker and no one else is close. (See also: 2020 Deshaun Watson, Cam Newton, post-Deangelo Williams)




Raiders



  1. Your defense sucks. Period. You jettisoned Khall Mack two seasons ago because Marc Davis cried poverty and somehow your defense has gotten even worse than that first season without him. What the Miami is WRT playmakers, so too is your defense. Outside of Cory Littlton, every player you've brought in has been injured or mediocre at best. And that mediocrity cost you a playoff berth. You tried and scapegoat Paul Guenther, but you were asking him to make chicken salad out of chicken shit. That roster needs help yesterday and if you need to spend some offensive assets to make that happen, crack those eggs, make that omelette. THAT being said...
  2. Your offense was 0/10 on third down conversions. That won't beat the Jets, most days.
  3. I'm not saying the real issue is Chucky... But what in these three years has he done that says to ANYONE that he's got it locked in?



Colts 24, Steelers 28



And just like that, the Colts go from “Outside shot at the #2 seed” to “Outside looking in.”


IN the middle of the third quarter, down 24-7, staring down a crushing fourth-straight loss and the Steelers rush offense still M.I.A. (14-20 as a team), Rapelisberger and the passing game apparently

said “Fuck it; we’ll do it ourselves.” Big Ben put up his best stats of the year (342 and 3) and JuJu Smith-Schuster had his best game in two seasons (9-96-1)


And once again, that supposedly elite Colts offensive line got mauled (5 sacks, 8 QB hits and 7 TFLs). As a result, the Colts no longer control their own destiny: They’ll need to beat the Jags, and have either the Titans (@ Texans), Ravens (@ Bengals), Browns (Steelers) or Dolphins (@ Buffalo) lose. A win and a Titans loss would also give them the AFC South. But it could’ve been much simpler for them.



Falcons 14, Chiefs 17


The 2020 Falcons in a nutshell. They’ve fought the nominal AFC favorites to the wire. They just need their Pro Bowl kicker to hit a 39-yarder to take the game to overtime.




And with that miss, the Chiefs clinched the #1 seed in the AFC, along with a team record 14 wins and 10th straight win.


The Falcons are currently in the #4 slot in the upcoming draft, A(n unlikely) win this week vs. Tampa will drop them no lower than 9.



Bears 41, Jaguars 17



Y’all did know you didn’t have get stomped out to claim the #1 draft pick, right? Ten points would’ve worked just as well. But you do you.



Bengals 37, Texans 31



The Bengals pulled down their first road win of the year, in the process showing that Jacksonville is the only team in the NFL that knows how to tank properly.


The loss leaves the Texans replacing Cincy at the #3. Too bad they owe that pick to Miami...


#FreeDeshaunWatson


Giants 13, Ravens 27



The Ravens have followed losing 4 of 5 with a four-game win streak, including Sunday vs. NYG. This sets up a win-and-in scenario vs. Cincy.


To my eyes, Baltimore has the look of a team set to go (As former Memphis Grizzlies great Tony Allen likes to put it) “1-2-3-Cancun”.


Browns 16, Jets 23



I’m breaking my own self-imposed rule here. Because Cleveland going full Browns here cannot go unremarked upon.


Don’t give me any shit about how most of your receivers were “DNP: The Plague:2K20”. A) You have TWO 1000 yard backs. B) They’re still the Jets. Run the ball down their goddamned throats and make them like it! What you DON'T do is have Baker Mayfield attempt 53 passes to a receiver corps where you DON’T have a WR in TE clothing like a Travis Kelce or George Kittle ad your WR1 caught his first five passes of the season.


Now instead of clinching your first playoff berth since Dubya was in office, you’re facing possible elimination if you slip up and lose to Mason Rudolph and the Steeler reserves and the Colts win.


ONE. JOB.


#BrownsGonnaBrown


But since I’m here: “Every day Adam Gase and Gregg Williams are still employed by the New York Jets is an insult to the Jets players, the fans and the league itself. Period.”


Panthers 20, Football Team 13



Dear Dwayne Haskins;


When you fuck up as badly as you did last week, WRT COVID protocols (to the degree that the “C” got stripped from your uniform), what you probably didn't want to do is go out and play the worst game of your looking-more-brief-by-the-second career. Getting benched for the third time this season made your release all but inevitable.

I just didn’t think it would be Monday.


Good luck in you future endeavors, kid.


If Alex Smith can’t go vs. Philly¹, Washington misses the playoffs. Period.



  1. And, of course, if Dallas beats the Giants.


Broncos 16, Chargers 19



The potential fates of Anthony Lynn and Vic Fangio is a far more interesting story than anything that happened in SoWhat Stadium.


Eagles 17, Cowboys 37



Is it worth it? With this current three-game win streak, Dallas has fallen from the 5th pick to the 12th. A playoff slot means 17. I’m not even going t speculate past that because Dallas’ likely opponent would be the NFC South runner-up (Saints or Bucs). Even these much improved Cowboys wouldn’t stand a chance against either one of those.


Is a one-and-done playoff berth worth risking missing out on the upcoming draft’s elite DBs? I’d have to say no, but it’s not like the NFL draft isn’t full of uncut gems, so with some competent drafting, things won’t fall that far.


All that, and I’d rather not be dependent n Philly to take down the Notskins



Rams 9, Seahawks 20



Weren’t you supposed to be a title contender, L.A.?


(SNF) Titans 14, Packers 40



Weren’t you supposed to be a title contender, Tennessee.?


(MNF) Bills 38, Patriots 9

 

And the final Monday Night game of the season ends in a laugher.


Right now, on a neutral field? I don’t know if I wouldn't take the Bills over the Chiefs? Hell, It wouldn’t shock me if the Bills could steal one at Arrowhead.


And everyone keeps trying to make hay out of the differing fortunes of Tom Brady and Darth Hoodie since their split. Basically, trying to say Belichick made a mistake in dumping Brady. To which I would respond “Would the Pats be better with Tom Brady? Yes. But would they be good?”


The o-line would still be shite, the receiver corps would still be ass and removing Cam Newton fro the equation also removes most of what passes for the NE running game. Not to mention the defense would still be merde. And, oh yeah, Buffalo would still be better than them.


Such a take also ignores the fact that Brady wanted out and it would've taken an irresponsible amount of money to keep him.


The Patriots stayed true to the “Better one year to early than one year too late” philosophy, and it was the right move. But I suppose any opportunity to bask in the glory of TB12 and take potshots at Belichick, I suppose.

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