2020 #NFL Week in Review – Week 13
Welcome to the Week in Review, where we are petitioning the courts to declare Atlanta the winners of Super Bowl LI.
[Byes: Bucs, Panthers]
So is this the Browns stepping up or the Titans backsliding?
Though neither team went all the way, as the Titans totally flipped the script in the second half and nearly pulled off a Pats-Over-Falcons level comeback.¹ But the Browns did absolutely decimate the Titans in that first half; scoring on their first six possessions and shutting down league rushing leader Derrick Henry.
Granted, once the second half hit, Browns Gonna Brown and they almost gave the game right back. And, to be fair, as late as this September, they would have. They weathered the Titans’ counterpunches and won the day. And with that, the Browns clinched their first winning season since 2007. And they’re one step closer to ending the 18-year playoff drought.
The Titans, on the other hand, have the look of a one-and-done. Their defense, particularly against the pass, is Dallas-level bad. The vets they brought in to shore things up (Vic Beasley and Jadeveon Clowney) were busts If they can’t lean on Henry to eat clock and keep defenses honest, they’re gonna be an easy out.
Fun Fact: Ryan “Exhibit A in ‘Why Adam Gase SUUUUUCKS’” Tannehill became the fourth Titan/Oiler QB to throw at least25 TDs in a season. Surprising that neither Steve McNair nor Dan Pastorini didn’t make that cut.³ Also surprising that the only one of the four to have done it more than once isn’t Warren Moon ( It was George Blanda.)
The Saints are 3-0 with Taysom Tebow starting. Those three wins have come against the Falcons (twice) and a Denver team with a practice squad WR under center. And his worst game of the three was against the latter.
Not impressed, is what I’m saying.
Granted, he scored his first two TD passes and looked competent at worst. And Breesus will likely be back under center this week. Just in time to avoid starting Hill against a real NFL team in the Chiefs.
The Saints are basically the Steelers of the NFC: They have the conference’s best record at 10-2. How many people think they’re better than Green Bay (The NFC’s answer to Kansas City)?
Remember when the Bears were 5-1 and everybody thought Nick Folk was the key to guiding them back to glory? Good times... Good times.
Matt Patricia is gone for one week and suddenly Matt Stafford turns back into Matt Stafford, putting up 402,3 TDs and a pick. And the team rallied from a 10-pt, 4th quarter deficit, ending with a Adrian “I forgot the nickname I gave him last year” Peterson 5-yard TD, with about 90 seconds to go. It’s almost like the team was rejuvenated after being rid of a presence no one liked. Weird.
Speaking of the Bears, and other teams likely to be looking for QB help come the offseason. The future holds some interesting possibilities. Last year represented an unprecedented movement of veteran, big name QBs, fronted by Tom Brady and Phillip Rivers. This season? Looks to be an unprecedented number of young, highly drafted QBs - ones who can’t be considered busts - likely to be available. Sam Darnold has likely played his last snap in NYC. Chicago is likely going to be moving on from Mitch Trubisky. Ditto Philly and Carson Wentz, regardless of whether or not Jalen Hurts works out. Rapey McCrablegs likely won’t resign with the Saints after the bait-and-switch they pulled with him. And poor Josh Rosen is likely going to be on his third team in three years. That is a lot of first round talent about to be available to a coaching universe full of guys thinking “I can fix him.”
The 2021 draft looks to be a bumper crop of QB prospects. But how many teams will be tempted to go elsewhere with their draft picks and address their QB needs with one of the above, hoping to snag the next Ryan Tannehill? In particular, it would not shock me at all to see the Colts make a move on Wentz and reunite him with Frank Reich, his OC when Wentz was playing on an MVP level?
The 2021 offseason looks to be another weird, wild and wonderful one
.
You know a game was dire when ESPN doesn’t even have a recap write up for it. Not even just to cover the bench-clearing skirmish brawl... thing. Seriously, though. Few plays have made me go “Brah, what the hell” than Cincy’s Mike Thomas tackling Fins PR Jakeem Grant on a punt return... About two seconds before the ball got there.
For the second time in the game.
When practically the entire opposing team marches over to your hash marks to go “discuss things” - and the head coach is with them - you know your boy done fucked up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=witPjlzcLXA
This game was the definition of “X didn’t win; Y lost.”
The Vikings were two missed XPs, a missed 51-yarder by Dan Bailey and a Pick 6 away from settling this in regulation. The Jags repaid their generosity with 4 turnovers and 10 penalties.
So yeah... [sits in awkward silence]
I want to feel sorry for Deshaun Watson. I want to empathize with him crying on the after yet ANOTHER WTF loss.¹ I want to rage with him - hell, FOR HIM - about the unfairness of it all.
And then I remember he signed that ridicularge extension AFTER the Nuke Hopkins trade.
You made your bed there, buddy. Lie in it!
[ Stamps the Cardinals “Not Ready For Prime Time” ]
[ Stamps the Rams “Frustratingly Inconsistent” ]
What if I told you two months ago - hell, two WEEKS ago - that the Giants would get their shit together and take the NFC East lead and the Seahawks would stumble down the stretch and look ot be in danger of falling out of the playoff race?
You’d have told me to put down whatever I was smoking. Or share.
And yet here we are. The Seahawk defense has devolved into Jamal Adams, Bobby Wagner and the Pips. Russell Wilson seems to be coming apart at the seams, looking nothing like the odds-on MVP favorite he was at midseason. But what if...
What If...
The Giants are just that good? The Giants, led by Colt McCoy and Alfred Morris and a defense full of scrappy whodats (and Jabril Peppers).
I fear we have seen the last of Carson Wentz as an Eagle. Rookie Jalen Hurts came in and provided a spark to the Eagle’s offense. Not that it helped, as they still got smoked by Discount Double Check and the Pack. But Hurts not only looked better than Wentz has arguably all season, it’s seemingly given Iggles Nation hope that the division can still be had. And, mathematically, they’re not wrong.
But pump the brakes, people.
This is the same Jalen Hurts who was pulled at halftime of the 2018 National Championship Game in favor of Tua Tangyvanilla.¹ The same Hurts who seemed limited in his time as Oklahoma starter. And, frankly, both those teams had better WR corps than the Eagles. It’s not impossible that Doug Petersen is capable of pulling some “Quarterback Whisperer” jazz and turn Hurts into a real boy. I’ll just believe it when I see it.
And best wishes to Wentz in his future endeavors (in Indy).
The Broncos really are just the Bears West, aren't they?
And the champagne flows in Miami.¹
I’m am far less shocked that the Steelers got got by a lesser team², than that the No Names were the team to take them down. Without Antonio Gibson (out after the first play with a toe injury) , to boot.
Alex Smith is in full Alex Smith mode: won’t hit the WOW plays, but is rock-solid and mistake free. The draft capital spent on the defense is starting to pay off (Chase Young and Montez Sweat
But the big takeaway, for me, is that the Steelers better find some sort of ground game if they want to get past the divisional round. Maybe the grind is starting to get to them (2 games in 5 days). But time and the NFL wait for no men.
Buffalo got their first win in Prime Time since 2014, handling the Niners in the latter’s temporary home in State Farm Stadium. Seems like as long as they can keep some sort of run game going (read: keep Deving Singletary healthy), and Josh Allen can keep avoiding the WTF throws, right now the Bills can make a legit claim to being the #2 team in the AFC.
As for the Niners?
FYI: This is the fifth “home game” the Niners have played in another team’s stadium. They’re now 1-4 in such games.
Full disclosure: I checked out at halftime, after Andy Dalton’s didn’t-think-he-had-the-arm Hail Mary attempt went right through CeeDee Lamb’s hands.
In this crazy, fucked up year of 2020, you can make the argument that Mike McCarthy and the offensive coaches should get a mulligan. Between the lack of training camp and the plague of injuries, the argument can be made that McCarthy (and Kellen Moore and...) deserves at least one more year.
It’s not an argument I agree with, mind you. But I can understand it.
If anyone can come up with any such argument for DC Mike Nolan, I’m listening. The defense has been hot garbage for most of the season. Injuries haven’t hit the defense nearly as hard as the offense, so that excuse doesn’t really fly. You’d think a big time DC would be able to use scheme to make up for the lack of talent. Or at least coach them up so they don’t get beat in the same ways over and over and OVER.
But yeah, were I Supreme Emperor of Everything, the entire coaching staff goes bye-bye and Eric Bienemy is the new HC. After the Jets finally unassed Gregg Williams¹, what excuse do they have?
And my heart does go out to Dez Bryant: About to face his former team for the first time since he was cut three years ago, he was a last-second scratch due to Human Malware. They seriously pulled him from warm ups 10 minutes before kickoff.
Somebody's telling you to move on, Dez!
[Byes: Bucs, Panthers]
Browns 41, Titans 35
So is this the Browns stepping up or the Titans backsliding?
Though neither team went all the way, as the Titans totally flipped the script in the second half and nearly pulled off a Pats-Over-Falcons level comeback.¹ But the Browns did absolutely decimate the Titans in that first half; scoring on their first six possessions and shutting down league rushing leader Derrick Henry.
Granted, once the second half hit, Browns Gonna Brown and they almost gave the game right back. And, to be fair, as late as this September, they would have. They weathered the Titans’ counterpunches and won the day. And with that, the Browns clinched their first winning season since 2007. And they’re one step closer to ending the 18-year playoff drought.
The Titans, on the other hand, have the look of a one-and-done. Their defense, particularly against the pass, is Dallas-level bad. The vets they brought in to shore things up (Vic Beasley and Jadeveon Clowney) were busts If they can’t lean on Henry to eat clock and keep defenses honest, they’re gonna be an easy out.
Fun Fact: Ryan “Exhibit A in ‘Why Adam Gase SUUUUUCKS’” Tannehill became the fourth Titan/Oiler QB to throw at least25 TDs in a season. Surprising that neither Steve McNair nor Dan Pastorini didn’t make that cut.³ Also surprising that the only one of the four to have done it more than once isn’t Warren Moon ( It was George Blanda.)
And, real talk, if the Titans had a more reliable kicker, they might have pulled it off.²
Sorry, Stephen. #GoTigersGo
The list, going backwards, is: Tannehill, Marcus Mariota, Warren Moon and George Blanda.
Saints 21, Falcons 16
The Saints are 3-0 with Taysom Tebow starting. Those three wins have come against the Falcons (twice) and a Denver team with a practice squad WR under center. And his worst game of the three was against the latter.
Not impressed, is what I’m saying.
Granted, he scored his first two TD passes and looked competent at worst. And Breesus will likely be back under center this week. Just in time to avoid starting Hill against a real NFL team in the Chiefs.
The Saints are basically the Steelers of the NFC: They have the conference’s best record at 10-2. How many people think they’re better than Green Bay (The NFC’s answer to Kansas City)?
Lions 34, Bears 30
Remember when the Bears were 5-1 and everybody thought Nick Folk was the key to guiding them back to glory? Good times... Good times.
Matt Patricia is gone for one week and suddenly Matt Stafford turns back into Matt Stafford, putting up 402,3 TDs and a pick. And the team rallied from a 10-pt, 4th quarter deficit, ending with a Adrian “I forgot the nickname I gave him last year” Peterson 5-yard TD, with about 90 seconds to go. It’s almost like the team was rejuvenated after being rid of a presence no one liked. Weird.
Speaking of the Bears, and other teams likely to be looking for QB help come the offseason. The future holds some interesting possibilities. Last year represented an unprecedented movement of veteran, big name QBs, fronted by Tom Brady and Phillip Rivers. This season? Looks to be an unprecedented number of young, highly drafted QBs - ones who can’t be considered busts - likely to be available. Sam Darnold has likely played his last snap in NYC. Chicago is likely going to be moving on from Mitch Trubisky. Ditto Philly and Carson Wentz, regardless of whether or not Jalen Hurts works out. Rapey McCrablegs likely won’t resign with the Saints after the bait-and-switch they pulled with him. And poor Josh Rosen is likely going to be on his third team in three years. That is a lot of first round talent about to be available to a coaching universe full of guys thinking “I can fix him.”
The 2021 draft looks to be a bumper crop of QB prospects. But how many teams will be tempted to go elsewhere with their draft picks and address their QB needs with one of the above, hoping to snag the next Ryan Tannehill? In particular, it would not shock me at all to see the Colts make a move on Wentz and reunite him with Frank Reich, his OC when Wentz was playing on an MVP level?
The 2021 offseason looks to be another weird, wild and wonderful one
.
Bengals 7, Dolphins 19
You know a game was dire when ESPN doesn’t even have a recap write up for it. Not even just to cover the bench-clearing skirmish brawl... thing. Seriously, though. Few plays have made me go “Brah, what the hell” than Cincy’s Mike Thomas tackling Fins PR Jakeem Grant on a punt return... About two seconds before the ball got there.
For the second time in the game.
When practically the entire opposing team marches over to your hash marks to go “discuss things” - and the head coach is with them - you know your boy done fucked up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=witPjlzcLXA
Jags 24, Vikings 27 (OT)
This game was the definition of “X didn’t win; Y lost.”
The Vikings were two missed XPs, a missed 51-yarder by Dan Bailey and a Pick 6 away from settling this in regulation. The Jags repaid their generosity with 4 turnovers and 10 penalties.
So yeah... [sits in awkward silence]
Colts 26, Texans 20
I want to feel sorry for Deshaun Watson. I want to empathize with him crying on the after yet ANOTHER WTF loss.¹ I want to rage with him - hell, FOR HIM - about the unfairness of it all.
And then I remember he signed that ridicularge extension AFTER the Nuke Hopkins trade.
You made your bed there, buddy. Lie in it!
Tonight’s Guest Star: A botched snap on the Colts’ 2, that became a game-clinching turnover for Indy
Rams 38, Cardinals 28
[ Stamps the Cardinals “Not Ready For Prime Time” ]
[ Stamps the Rams “Frustratingly Inconsistent” ]
Giants 17, Seahawks 12
What if I told you two months ago - hell, two WEEKS ago - that the Giants would get their shit together and take the NFC East lead and the Seahawks would stumble down the stretch and look ot be in danger of falling out of the playoff race?
You’d have told me to put down whatever I was smoking. Or share.
And yet here we are. The Seahawk defense has devolved into Jamal Adams, Bobby Wagner and the Pips. Russell Wilson seems to be coming apart at the seams, looking nothing like the odds-on MVP favorite he was at midseason. But what if...
What If...
The Giants are just that good? The Giants, led by Colt McCoy and Alfred Morris and a defense full of scrappy whodats (and Jabril Peppers).
Hail to the 2015 Racial Slurs!
Eagles 16, Packers 30
I fear we have seen the last of Carson Wentz as an Eagle. Rookie Jalen Hurts came in and provided a spark to the Eagle’s offense. Not that it helped, as they still got smoked by Discount Double Check and the Pack. But Hurts not only looked better than Wentz has arguably all season, it’s seemingly given Iggles Nation hope that the division can still be had. And, mathematically, they’re not wrong.
But pump the brakes, people.
This is the same Jalen Hurts who was pulled at halftime of the 2018 National Championship Game in favor of Tua Tangyvanilla.¹ The same Hurts who seemed limited in his time as Oklahoma starter. And, frankly, both those teams had better WR corps than the Eagles. It’s not impossible that Doug Petersen is capable of pulling some “Quarterback Whisperer” jazz and turn Hurts into a real boy. I’ll just believe it when I see it.
And best wishes to Wentz in his future endeavors (in Indy).
There’s no punchline or running gag in not spelling “Tagovailoa” correctly. “Tangyvanilla” is just fun to say.
Patriots 45, Chargers 0
- I don’t care who your opponent is: This kind of beatdown is a statement: “Don’t write us off just yet.”
- Being on the wrong end of this kind of beatdown says “Last straw”, Coach Lynn.
(SNF) Broncos 16, Chiefs 22
The Broncos really are just the Bears West, aren't they?
(MNF I) Alex Smiths 23, Steelers 17
And the champagne flows in Miami.¹
I’m am far less shocked that the Steelers got got by a lesser team², than that the No Names were the team to take them down. Without Antonio Gibson (out after the first play with a toe injury) , to boot.
Alex Smith is in full Alex Smith mode: won’t hit the WOW plays, but is rock-solid and mistake free. The draft capital spent on the defense is starting to pay off (Chase Young and Montez Sweat
But the big takeaway, for me, is that the Steelers better find some sort of ground game if they want to get past the divisional round. Maybe the grind is starting to get to them (2 games in 5 days). But time and the NFL wait for no men.
Or, more likely, Mercury Morris cracks open a 40.
They do it once or tice a year under Coach Omar Epps
(MNF II) Bills 34, Niners 24
Buffalo got their first win in Prime Time since 2014, handling the Niners in the latter’s temporary home in State Farm Stadium. Seems like as long as they can keep some sort of run game going (read: keep Deving Singletary healthy), and Josh Allen can keep avoiding the WTF throws, right now the Bills can make a legit claim to being the #2 team in the AFC.
As for the Niners?
FYI: This is the fifth “home game” the Niners have played in another team’s stadium. They’re now 1-4 in such games.
(Postponed from Thursday) Cowboys 17, Ravens 34
Full disclosure: I checked out at halftime, after Andy Dalton’s didn’t-think-he-had-the-arm Hail Mary attempt went right through CeeDee Lamb’s hands.
In this crazy, fucked up year of 2020, you can make the argument that Mike McCarthy and the offensive coaches should get a mulligan. Between the lack of training camp and the plague of injuries, the argument can be made that McCarthy (and Kellen Moore and...) deserves at least one more year.
It’s not an argument I agree with, mind you. But I can understand it.
If anyone can come up with any such argument for DC Mike Nolan, I’m listening. The defense has been hot garbage for most of the season. Injuries haven’t hit the defense nearly as hard as the offense, so that excuse doesn’t really fly. You’d think a big time DC would be able to use scheme to make up for the lack of talent. Or at least coach them up so they don’t get beat in the same ways over and over and OVER.
But yeah, were I Supreme Emperor of Everything, the entire coaching staff goes bye-bye and Eric Bienemy is the new HC. After the Jets finally unassed Gregg Williams¹, what excuse do they have?
And my heart does go out to Dez Bryant: About to face his former team for the first time since he was cut three years ago, he was a last-second scratch due to Human Malware. They seriously pulled him from warm ups 10 minutes before kickoff.
Somebody's telling you to move on, Dez!
Dammit! They snuck in anyway!
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