Freezer's #NFL Week in Review - Week 4 (2020 Season)
Welcome to the Week in Review. We can’t be muted either.
As I have oft-stated on the WIR, games between two bad teams will end up in one of three outcomes;
The Broncos played like C¹. The Jets played like B². The result was a three-hour block of "I Guess". There were moments scattered here and there (Sam "I legit forgot he was a #1 overall pick" Darnold's 46-yd scramble, Melvin Gordon's 43-yd game sealer), but for the most part, "meh."
This probably won't cost Adam Gaze his job. But because the entire Jets organization is a Trump-esque trash fire, he'll last through the season. At this point, it'll take Darnold fully turning into Ryan Leaf to change that.
With the outbreak in Nashville and the positive test of Cam Newton, Human Malware¹ score its first big victory of the season.
Steelers/Titans has been moved to Week 7. Both teams’ Bye weeks have been reset to Week 4.
And, save for the complaints of gamblers and fantasy players, that's that.
Such is the agony and ecstasy of having Ryan Fitzpatrick as your team’s starting QB. You never know what’s going to be the game that starts the hotstreak that gets your hopes up and earns him another year on the roster. You also never know which is going to be the game that starts the tailspin that earns him a permanent benching. Because it’s just as likely The Amish Rifle follows up this lowlight (315 yds, 2 INTs, including a late backbreaker), with one just as bad or one where he throws for 4TDs.
Such is life, when you hitch your wagon to Fitzmagic. ESPECIALLY if you’re looking for him to lose enough to clear the way for the young guy (Tua Tangyvanilla). ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY when said Fitz-shenanigans make up nearly all of your offense (he led the team in rushing with 47 on six carries, including their only TD of the game).
Meanwhile, Seattle is 4-0 for the second time in team history. The last time they reached that milestone was 2013 - the year they won the Super Bowl. Not sayin’, just sayin’.
All the recaps and write-ups say “Joe Burrow got his first NFL win.” But this was the Joe Mixon Show. Mixon had 155 yards rushing with 2 TDs, plus a third TD on a swing pass from Burrow. The Bengals rolled up 505 total yards, with Mixon and the run game paving the way for a much easier day for Burrow (25/36 for .300/1/1). Along the way, Burrow became the first rookie QB to throw for 300 yards in three straight games.¹
The Jags continue to suck. And Gardner Minshew continues to not be the problem. He’s not going to remind anyone of Dan Marino anytime soon², but he’s also not someone you’d dump to chase one of the hot names in the draft. The defense is the problem. And that’s not getting much better with just one player, barring some Khalil Mack/JJ Watt level player. And that guy does not seem to be in the 2021 draft class.
To all those who had “Bill O’Brien” in the “First To Be Fired” pool, go pick up your winnings at Will Call.
The (long-overdue) firing is due to the Texans losing the Desperation Bowl to the similarly 0-3 Vikings. Losing to a winless Vikes team in depressingly familiar fashion - getting pushed around on defense, relying on Deshaun Watson to bail them out while also hamstringing those efforts by clinging to the ground game for far too long¹ - looked to be the (long overdue) last straw for team ownership.
No doubt O’Brien will make someone a decent coordinator should he choose to stay in the pros. Likely, he’ll take a year or two off and head back to college. I sincerely doubt he gets another NFL HC gig. I guarantee he’s not getting another GM job. It’s not a good look when your team is top 5 pick bad, but your first two picks go to Miami because of another trade.
Only one team in NFL history - the 1992 Chargers - has made the playoffs after an 0-4 start. Barring some miracle working by whoever the interim coach is, the Texans don’t look to be the second team on that list.
Every minute Mike Nolan still has a job is one minute too many.
The Browns came into Jerry World and steamrolled the Cowboys defense for 307 yards rushing. That’s 307 yards with Nick Chubb leaving the game in the first quarter. And for the third game in a row, the Dallas defense was helpless in the face of an opponent’s offensive onslaught.
And for the third straight game, Dak Prescott turned a blowout into a nail biter, pulling Dallas to within a field goal. Only for the defense to shit the bed one more time: allowing OBJ to score on a 50-yard reverse. Claiming “Injuries!” can only take you so far. The offense has just as many (if not more) guys out and they’re putting up record-setting numbers¹.
To quote Scooter McGruder: “Why did we pick [Nolan] up? He sucks!” This has the smell of Mike McCarthy returning a favor², and that favor blowing up in his face³. The team seems to be taking the angle that things will improve once Leighton Vander Esch, Sean Lee and/or Chidobe Awuzie return from injury. To which I say “Which one of them can play safety? Which one of them can shore up a front four that’s been getting routinely pushed around in the run game?”
Again: This looks like a squad that can take the NFC East: No other team in the division can match their firepower and none of them have the defense to slow them down. But this is a team with Expectations. If One-and-Done was okay, Jason Garrett would still be the coach. Jerry? Steven? There are available veterans who can help right now! GO SIGN SOME OF THEM.
Lost in the sauce is the fact that the Browns are 3-1 largely on the strength of not relying on Baker Mayfield (19/30 for 165, 2TDs).
UPDATE: Not only has Jerruh said he’s not firing Nolan, but the ‘Boys also cut the one veteran in the DB corps, Brandon Carr. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
UPDATE #2: Wolfhunter and Randy fucking Gregory(4) are slated to return this week.
Again: Not quieting the “He’s just a running back” quips with stat lines like “14/21 for 193/2/1, 50 yard TD run”.
But the more intriguing QB story here is the short leash Dwayne Haskins is allegedly on. (Though 45 attempts doesn’t say “short leash”). Riverboat Ron’s buddy, Kyle Allen, is Haskins’ backup and presumptive future starter. There’s where the intrigue really starts. If Allen is a dud (because he showed oh-so-much promise as Cam Newton’s replacement last season), does Rivera go back to Haskins... or does he bring in Alex Smith? Let’s be real: A healthy Alex Smith is an upgrade over both these guys put together. Current Alex Smith?
The only way to know is to put him out there, really. And I’d bet that day is coming soon.
How the fuck does Matt Patricia still have a job?
The “Kyler Murray for Messiah” campaign hit a bit of a snag Sunday., running into one who has already risen in Teddy Bridgewater. Teddy Badleg has quietly been putting together a solid campaign out in North Cackalacka, going tor 276 and 2 scores (plus a pick) on Sunday. He’ll probably never remind anyone of Cam in his prime, but give him a couple of weapons at the receiver position¹.
Murray threw for three scores, but on 133 yards passing. This was emblematic of the Cardinals’ offensive day, with 262 total yards of offense on just 55 plays. Chalk it up to a learning experience, Young Cards.
To hear the talking heads tell it: OMG TOM BRADY IS BACK! HE’LL SAVE US ALL! AAAAAAH!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mylN7ZltUc8
To me: Tampa loses this game if Austin Eckler doesn’t get hurt.
And unfair or not, I don’t see how Anthony Lynn can bench Justin Herbert for Tyrod Taylor, once Taylor cleared for action. Herbert clearly gives the Chargers’ offense an extra gear they just don’t have with Taylor.
And the saga of Black Steve DeBerg continues.
Daniel Jones is looking less like the future and more like Josh Rosen: The Sequel with every game. Playing without Saquon Barkley and Sterling Sheppard and with that putrid O-line doesn't help, granted. But he’s looking increasingly lost out there without anyone to bail him out. 190 yards and a pick ain’t gonna cut it, not if you don’t want the Giants to look long and hard at that guy down in Clemson...
Not that the Rams were all that much better. But when you’re scoring TDs when your opponent keeps settling for field goals, you don’t need to be all that much better.
And I had no idea Jalen Ramsey and Golden Tate had legit “Fuck this game, let’s go” beef with each other. The most notable thing about this game.
From the “Stats Can Be Misleading” files: Derek Carr passed Ken Stabler for the Raiders most TD passes in team history (151). There will be plenty of statheads in the future who will swear since Carr’s name is at the top, he must be the top. Those of us who actually watched the Raiders will swear Carr isn’t even on Rich Gannon’s level.
Josh Allen, on the other hand, is swiftly becoming the QB they thought they had when they ditched Tyrod Taylor in his favor. 288 and 2 scores, with a third on the ground. We’ll see where all this is going when they finally face off with the Pats, but this COULD be the Bills year. Again, we’ll see.
And suddenly we’re reminded
Remember all the praise the Niners earned these last couple of weeks for going out and just pounding their opponents, despite being a friggin’ M*A*S*H unit out there? Remember how there were whispers of a budding QB controversy, as people thought if Jimmy G. didn’t pick up the pace, the NIners would happily let him walk and let Nick Mullins take the helm?
Well chuck all that, because the Niners in general and Mullins in particular looked horrid and got handled by the perpetually banged up Eagles. To the point where the previously gushed over Mullins got yanked for CJ Beathard¹. A late TD made it close but Philly as in command from the start. Carson Wentz was average at best (throwing his league leading 7th INT), the running game was MIA again, but the defense came through in the clutch, including a late Pick Six by Alex Singleton² that put the game out of reach for SF.
At 1-2-1, the Eagles lead the NFC East by a half a game over Dallas and Washington. Woo?
And to add insult to injury(s) for San Fran, Ziggy Anzah might be done with a bicep tear.
I suppose holding the Chiefs under 30 is a moral victory. So is not getting boat raced by KC with Cam Newton out with Human Malware and Brian “Oh my God, he’s still here?” Hoyer under center. Without Newton and Sony Michel (on IR with a quad injury), the Pats running game chugged along with Generic Belichick RB #4 (Damien Harris) and Rex Burkhead combining for 145 yards. That helped keep the ball out of Patrick Mahomes’ hands. But Hoyer added no spark of his own, throwing for 130 and a Pick Six (which, to be fair, Julien Edleman should’ve caught). And without Newton there to extend drives and make plays, it was only a matter of time before the Chiefs ran past them.
Only two things matter about this game:
(TNF) Broncos 37, Jets 28
As I have oft-stated on the WIR, games between two bad teams will end up in one of three outcomes;
- Both teams get to shine against an opponent in their own weight class.
- Neither team can get out of their own way, resulting in a glorious train wreck.
- Both teams show why they're cellar dwellers, resulting into a game that feels like a six-hour slog.
The Broncos played like C¹. The Jets played like B². The result was a three-hour block of "I Guess". There were moments scattered here and there (Sam "I legit forgot he was a #1 overall pick" Darnold's 46-yd scramble, Melvin Gordon's 43-yd game sealer), but for the most part, "meh."
This probably won't cost Adam Gaze his job. But because the entire Jets organization is a Trump-esque trash fire, he'll last through the season. At this point, it'll take Darnold fully turning into Ryan Leaf to change that.
Playing with your QB4 will do that.
Unless you're the Raiders and it's the 1980s, you get 6 personal foul calls, you lose.
Steerlers 0, Titans 0, COVID 19
With the outbreak in Nashville and the positive test of Cam Newton, Human Malware¹ score its first big victory of the season.
Steelers/Titans has been moved to Week 7. Both teams’ Bye weeks have been reset to Week 4.
And, save for the complaints of gamblers and fantasy players, that's that.
Seahawks 31, Dolphins 23
Such is the agony and ecstasy of having Ryan Fitzpatrick as your team’s starting QB. You never know what’s going to be the game that starts the hotstreak that gets your hopes up and earns him another year on the roster. You also never know which is going to be the game that starts the tailspin that earns him a permanent benching. Because it’s just as likely The Amish Rifle follows up this lowlight (315 yds, 2 INTs, including a late backbreaker), with one just as bad or one where he throws for 4TDs.
Such is life, when you hitch your wagon to Fitzmagic. ESPECIALLY if you’re looking for him to lose enough to clear the way for the young guy (Tua Tangyvanilla). ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY when said Fitz-shenanigans make up nearly all of your offense (he led the team in rushing with 47 on six carries, including their only TD of the game).
Meanwhile, Seattle is 4-0 for the second time in team history. The last time they reached that milestone was 2013 - the year they won the Super Bowl. Not sayin’, just sayin’.
Jaguars 25, Joe Mixon 33
All the recaps and write-ups say “Joe Burrow got his first NFL win.” But this was the Joe Mixon Show. Mixon had 155 yards rushing with 2 TDs, plus a third TD on a swing pass from Burrow. The Bengals rolled up 505 total yards, with Mixon and the run game paving the way for a much easier day for Burrow (25/36 for .300/1/1). Along the way, Burrow became the first rookie QB to throw for 300 yards in three straight games.¹
The Jags continue to suck. And Gardner Minshew continues to not be the problem. He’s not going to remind anyone of Dan Marino anytime soon², but he’s also not someone you’d dump to chase one of the hot names in the draft. The defense is the problem. And that’s not getting much better with just one player, barring some Khalil Mack/JJ Watt level player. And that guy does not seem to be in the 2021 draft class.
Still not a good idea, BTW.
Or Mark Brunell for that matter.
Vikings 31, Texans 23
To all those who had “Bill O’Brien” in the “First To Be Fired” pool, go pick up your winnings at Will Call.
The (long-overdue) firing is due to the Texans losing the Desperation Bowl to the similarly 0-3 Vikings. Losing to a winless Vikes team in depressingly familiar fashion - getting pushed around on defense, relying on Deshaun Watson to bail them out while also hamstringing those efforts by clinging to the ground game for far too long¹ - looked to be the (long overdue) last straw for team ownership.
No doubt O’Brien will make someone a decent coordinator should he choose to stay in the pros. Likely, he’ll take a year or two off and head back to college. I sincerely doubt he gets another NFL HC gig. I guarantee he’s not getting another GM job. It’s not a good look when your team is top 5 pick bad, but your first two picks go to Miami because of another trade.
Only one team in NFL history - the 1992 Chargers - has made the playoffs after an 0-4 start. Barring some miracle working by whoever the interim coach is, the Texans don’t look to be the second team on that list.
¹Gotta justify that Hopkins trade, yo!
Browns 49, Cowboys 38
Every minute Mike Nolan still has a job is one minute too many.
The Browns came into Jerry World and steamrolled the Cowboys defense for 307 yards rushing. That’s 307 yards with Nick Chubb leaving the game in the first quarter. And for the third game in a row, the Dallas defense was helpless in the face of an opponent’s offensive onslaught.
And for the third straight game, Dak Prescott turned a blowout into a nail biter, pulling Dallas to within a field goal. Only for the defense to shit the bed one more time: allowing OBJ to score on a 50-yard reverse. Claiming “Injuries!” can only take you so far. The offense has just as many (if not more) guys out and they’re putting up record-setting numbers¹.
To quote Scooter McGruder: “Why did we pick [Nolan] up? He sucks!” This has the smell of Mike McCarthy returning a favor², and that favor blowing up in his face³. The team seems to be taking the angle that things will improve once Leighton Vander Esch, Sean Lee and/or Chidobe Awuzie return from injury. To which I say “Which one of them can play safety? Which one of them can shore up a front four that’s been getting routinely pushed around in the run game?”
Again: This looks like a squad that can take the NFC East: No other team in the division can match their firepower and none of them have the defense to slow them down. But this is a team with Expectations. If One-and-Done was okay, Jason Garrett would still be the coach. Jerry? Steven? There are available veterans who can help right now! GO SIGN SOME OF THEM.
Lost in the sauce is the fact that the Browns are 3-1 largely on the strength of not relying on Baker Mayfield (19/30 for 165, 2TDs).
UPDATE: Not only has Jerruh said he’s not firing Nolan, but the ‘Boys also cut the one veteran in the DB corps, Brandon Carr. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
UPDATE #2: Wolfhunter and Randy fucking Gregory(4) are slated to return this week.
Dak is on pace to throw for over 7,000 yards. He might need to, at this rate.
McCarthy was Nolan’s OC in San Francisco before getting the Packer gig
Dallas has given up 38+ points in three straight games for the first time since 1960, when they were an 0-11-1 expansion team
We can bring that motherfucker back, but Earl Thomas is poison, right?
Ravens 31, No Names 17
Again: Not quieting the “He’s just a running back” quips with stat lines like “14/21 for 193/2/1, 50 yard TD run”.
But the more intriguing QB story here is the short leash Dwayne Haskins is allegedly on. (Though 45 attempts doesn’t say “short leash”). Riverboat Ron’s buddy, Kyle Allen, is Haskins’ backup and presumptive future starter. There’s where the intrigue really starts. If Allen is a dud (because he showed oh-so-much promise as Cam Newton’s replacement last season), does Rivera go back to Haskins... or does he bring in Alex Smith? Let’s be real: A healthy Alex Smith is an upgrade over both these guys put together. Current Alex Smith?
The only way to know is to put him out there, really. And I’d bet that day is coming soon.
Saints 35, Lions 29
How the fuck does Matt Patricia still have a job?
Cardinals 21, Panthers 31
The “Kyler Murray for Messiah” campaign hit a bit of a snag Sunday., running into one who has already risen in Teddy Bridgewater. Teddy Badleg has quietly been putting together a solid campaign out in North Cackalacka, going tor 276 and 2 scores (plus a pick) on Sunday. He’ll probably never remind anyone of Cam in his prime, but give him a couple of weapons at the receiver position¹.
Murray threw for three scores, but on 133 yards passing. This was emblematic of the Cardinals’ offensive day, with 262 total yards of offense on just 55 plays. Chalk it up to a learning experience, Young Cards.
Robby Anderson is rock solid, but he’s no Steve Smith.
Chargers 31, Bucs 38
To hear the talking heads tell it: OMG TOM BRADY IS BACK! HE’LL SAVE US ALL! AAAAAAH!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mylN7ZltUc8
To me: Tampa loses this game if Austin Eckler doesn’t get hurt.
And unfair or not, I don’t see how Anthony Lynn can bench Justin Herbert for Tyrod Taylor, once Taylor cleared for action. Herbert clearly gives the Chargers’ offense an extra gear they just don’t have with Taylor.
And the saga of Black Steve DeBerg continues.
Giants 9, Rams 17
Daniel Jones is looking less like the future and more like Josh Rosen: The Sequel with every game. Playing without Saquon Barkley and Sterling Sheppard and with that putrid O-line doesn't help, granted. But he’s looking increasingly lost out there without anyone to bail him out. 190 yards and a pick ain’t gonna cut it, not if you don’t want the Giants to look long and hard at that guy down in Clemson...
Not that the Rams were all that much better. But when you’re scoring TDs when your opponent keeps settling for field goals, you don’t need to be all that much better.
And I had no idea Jalen Ramsey and Golden Tate had legit “Fuck this game, let’s go” beef with each other. The most notable thing about this game.
Bills 30, Raiders 23
From the “Stats Can Be Misleading” files: Derek Carr passed Ken Stabler for the Raiders most TD passes in team history (151). There will be plenty of statheads in the future who will swear since Carr’s name is at the top, he must be the top. Those of us who actually watched the Raiders will swear Carr isn’t even on Rich Gannon’s level.
Josh Allen, on the other hand, is swiftly becoming the QB they thought they had when they ditched Tyrod Taylor in his favor. 288 and 2 scores, with a third on the ground. We’ll see where all this is going when they finally face off with the Pats, but this COULD be the Bills year. Again, we’ll see.
Colts 19, Bears 11
And suddenly we’re reminded
- Why Nick Foles is a career backup
- Why Phillip Rivers is no longer a Charger
- That you can’t have subpar play from your QB and no help from your run game (28 total rush) and expect to win.
- That the most novel thing about this game was that it got pushed back to the 4:15 EST slot formerly held by Patriots/Chiefs.
- That clearly Frank Reich is the missing ingredient in Philly
(SNF) Eagles 25, Niners 20
Remember all the praise the Niners earned these last couple of weeks for going out and just pounding their opponents, despite being a friggin’ M*A*S*H unit out there? Remember how there were whispers of a budding QB controversy, as people thought if Jimmy G. didn’t pick up the pace, the NIners would happily let him walk and let Nick Mullins take the helm?
Well chuck all that, because the Niners in general and Mullins in particular looked horrid and got handled by the perpetually banged up Eagles. To the point where the previously gushed over Mullins got yanked for CJ Beathard¹. A late TD made it close but Philly as in command from the start. Carson Wentz was average at best (throwing his league leading 7th INT), the running game was MIA again, but the defense came through in the clutch, including a late Pick Six by Alex Singleton² that put the game out of reach for SF.
At 1-2-1, the Eagles lead the NFC East by a half a game over Dallas and Washington. Woo?
And to add insult to injury(s) for San Fran, Ziggy Anzah might be done with a bicep tear.
¹Whom we are obligated by law to remind you is Bobby Beathard’s grandson.
²Philly’s first takeaway of the season.
(MNF Bonus) Patriots 10, Chiefs 26
I suppose holding the Chiefs under 30 is a moral victory. So is not getting boat raced by KC with Cam Newton out with Human Malware and Brian “Oh my God, he’s still here?” Hoyer under center. Without Newton and Sony Michel (on IR with a quad injury), the Pats running game chugged along with Generic Belichick RB #4 (Damien Harris) and Rex Burkhead combining for 145 yards. That helped keep the ball out of Patrick Mahomes’ hands. But Hoyer added no spark of his own, throwing for 130 and a Pick Six (which, to be fair, Julien Edleman should’ve caught). And without Newton there to extend drives and make plays, it was only a matter of time before the Chiefs ran past them.
(MNF) Falcons 16, Packers 30
Only two things matter about this game:
- Discount Double-Check is on an MVP level rampage, like he’s trying to erase 2019 through sheer force of will.
- There is no reason Dan Quinn should still have a job right now.
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