2020 #NFL Week in Review - Week 3
Welcome to the Week in Review, now being served cafeteria style!
It’s telling of the weakness of the matchup that the entire buildup towards TNF this week was “The Beard vs. The Mustache”. A fun little side story under ordinary (two teams that don’t suck out loud) circumstances, but here? Smacks of “PLEASE WATCH OUR GAME!”
A game which was pretty much over by halftime.
The Beard (AKA The Amish Rifle, Ryan Fitzpatrick) kept Tua Tangyvanilla on the bench for at least another week with the win, throwing for two TDs and running for a third. Along the way he became the first player in NFL history to score six wins over the same opponent with six different teams.¹
El Mustachio Magnifico wasn’t great (275 and a pick, rating of 79.0), but he wasn’t really the problem. Which creates a problem for Jacksonville. A team in full tank mode generally does so strictly for a QB. Trevor Lawrence is allegedly the prize at the end of this mud slog. But...
Last year, they would’ve had the fallback position of “tanking for Chase Young”. I don’t think there’s an equivalent no-brainer non-QB in this draft. Feel free to correct me.
On a side note: If there’s a Mt. Rushmore of Backup QBs, is Fitzception on it? I’d say “yes”: Him, Steve DeBerg, Earl Morrall and Nick Foles.
Congratulations, Dirty Birds! You, yes YOU, are the first team in NFL history to lose after blowing a 15+ point lead in the fourth quarter, twice! And you did it in back-to-back weeks. The only thing missing from the Dallas game is the special teams looking like they’ve never covered an onside kick before. #AWinnerIsYou.
And you did it vs. the Bears’ backup QB. Granted, the backup is Nick Foles (or was Nick Foles), but still.
Frankly, I’m shocked Dan Quinn didn’t simply get in his car and drive home, letting the team clean out his office. Granted, his players love him. He’s, by all accounts, a stand-up guy, a good man. Doesn’t mean he should still be the Falcons’ head coach. Most coaches don’t have one meltdown like this on their record. He has three.
He’s the goddamn Doc Rivers of the NFL.
Arthur Blank, Thomas Dimitroff - do your goddamn jobs!
There is a phrase I am loathe to use on a team or a player: “For real.” It’s generally used for a team or player who’s had a long rough stretch, but looks to have put it together.
But damn if the Bills and Josh Allen seem to be “for real.”
Granted, they took advantage of an iffy PI call on that final drive, but the fact that the Bills were in position to take advantage in the first place, shows how far the Bills have come in the last couple of years.
Again, granted; they gagged a 25-pt lead to set up that final drama, but unlike some teams I could mention, they pulled it out in the end. Which is a sign of growth in and of itself. With the Dolphins being the Dolphins and the Jets tripping over their own feet, the AFC East could be theirs for the taking. We’ll see for sure when they meet the new-look Patriots in Week 8.
Silver lining for the Rams: Darrell Henderson is starting to show the punch they were looking for when they drafted him last year (20-114, 1 tD). It’s just two games, but it’s more than he showed in sixteen last season.
Cleveland is above .500 for the first time since 2014. If that doesn’t tell you what a trash fire then Browns v 2.0 have been, nothing will.
BTW, that last winning record: Week 14, where the Browns were 7-6. They lost their final three games and cost coach Mike Pettine his job. Just saying further success is not a certainty with this franchise.
The Fucksnyders actually took a 3-pt lead into the 4th, but 17 unanswered by the Browns put paid to that. The five turnovers didn’t help.
What else can you say about The Football Team other than “At least they’re not the Giants or the Eagles?”
Kickers have been cut and never heard from again on far better days than what Steven Goskowski had in Week 2. The Titans never thought about replacing him. He rewarded that faith with 6-of-6 kicking, including a 55-yd game winner. He and Derrick Henry (26-119, 2 TDs) mostly carried the day for the Titans.
The injury ravaged Vikings defense had no answers, wasting big days from Dalvin Cook (a career-high 181 yards and a score) and rookie Justin Jefferson (7-175, 1 TD).
The Vikings are 0-3 for the first time since Mike Zimmer’s first year and things don’t look to be getting much better anytime soon.
The new look Pats under Cam Newton are giving Dark Hoodie something he hasn’t had as a head coach: Offensive versatility.
Week 1 was all All Cam All Run All The Time. Week 2 was Cam unleashing his arms. This week, more standard Belichick offense: A three-headed attack at RB (lead by Sony “Still Here” Michel’s 117 yards and Rex “Still Here Too” Burkhead’s 2 TDs) with NEwton doing enough passing to keep the Desert Raiders honest.
Da Raidahs, in turn, showed they’re not quite ready for prime time: missing several opportunities early and unable to find alternatives once the Pats took away leading pass catcher Darren Waller.
Fun Fact: With 4,928 yards, Newton is tied with Randall Cunningham for 2nd on the all-time rushing list for QBs, behind Mike Vick’s 6,109.
The Niners were minus three of their four best defensive players and were starting a backup at every offensive skill position.
And they STILL boatraced the Giants, on the road.
That’s not a good thing, Giants Nation.
Real talk, were I the Giants, if things don’t improve DRASTICALLY, I’m benching Daniel Jones after the bye. What’s the point of letting him go ow and get his brains beat in for little to no gain?
And the Donovan McNabb jokes commenced.
And if the 0-3 record isn’t a clear sign that this is not the Eagles’ year, the fact that they knocked themselves out of FG range in OT with a false start is.
It is increasingly clear that the secret ingredient in the Eagles’ Super Bowl year wasn’t Nick Foles or Doug Pederson, it was former OC Frank Reich, currently doing good things in Indy.
It is also just as clear that the Bengals need to prioritize getting Joe Burrow some protection. As the kids say, letting your QB eat eight sacks don’t hit. Ironically, the simple solution (More Joe Mixon and Gio Bernard) is hamstrung by the same crap O-Line that’s letting Burrow take a beating.
The Watt Bowl - brothers JJ, TJ and Derek¹ meeting in a game for the first time ever - went to TJ and Derek’s Steelers. As everyone who isn’t a Texans fan/part of JJ’s immediate family thought it would. The Texans took a 3-pt lead into halftime, but the Texans scored the last 11 points of the game and basically leaned on their running game (109 and a touch for James Conner) and the defense (that team is going to get Deshaun Watson killed) for the second half.
On the Texans side of the “How’s The Nuke Hopkins Trade Going?”: David Johnson ran for 23 yards and a score on 13 carries. Will Fuller, Randall Cobb and Kenny Stills combined for 11 catches, 184 yards and 2 TDs.
Dan Orlovsky has gone on record that he thinks his 2008, 0-16 Lions squad could take the current Jets. I can find no flaw in his argument.
Sam Darnold is regressing before our eyes (168 yds, 3 INTs). He’s getting no help from the bunch of scrubs that is the receiver corps nor his O-Line (He’s been sacked in a current league high 19 games straight). Frank Gore is serviceable, but he wasn’t brought in to carry that kind of load. The defense? There’s a reason Jamal Adams was willing to take money to get out of there.
Unfortunately, like most trash fires this out-of-control, the problem starts at the top, with absentee owner Woody Johnson. As long as he keeps hiring bad GMs and flavor of the month HCs, then giving them way too much time and freedom, this will keep happening.
Who’d have thought Jets Nation would be looking at the Rex Ryan/Mike Tannenbaum era as “The Good Old Days?”
In a giant cloud of “...I guess”, Matt Rhule and the Panthers scored their first win. The Panthers won with defense and an offense so vanilla, actual vanilla thought it was vanilla. Teddy Bridgewater had a mistake-free 235 yards on 22-28 passing. No one else was of note, performance wise.
What was of note was the Panthers red zone futility: They had five red zone trips, resulting in five Joey Slye field goals - none longer than 31 yards. Christian McCaffery can’t get back soon enough.
Justin Herbert got the start for the Chargers, despite Anthony Lynn’s assurances that Tyrod Taylor (and his punctured lung) remained in the starter’s position. He acquitted himself well in Start #2: (330/1/1), but that didn’t translate into points or a win.
Though they did come thiiiis close: On the final play of the game , Keenan Allen overshot Austin Eckler on a hook-and-lateral attempt that probably would have scored had they connected.
Brighter days seem ahead for the Chargers. But we’ve seen that movie before...
The Shaq Barrett Revenge Game™ went to the Bucs. Barrett went WILD on his old team: A safety, two sacks, 3 TFLs, 5 total tackles. Along with Dreamboat playing pitch-and-catch with his receivers through the Denver D’, the Bucs coasted.
And Bronco Nation, say hello to your starting QB of the foreseeable future: Brett Rypien.¹ Brought in for a benched Jeff Driscoll, he answered the call with 53 yards and a pick on 8/9 passing. Drew Lock can’t get back fast enough.
Wait, what?
The Lions won? On the road? Against a good team? What madness is this?
Not only that, but they kept their composure in the crunch: Shrugging off a holding penalty that nullified a 51-yard bomb to the Cardinal 1 (thanks largely to a PA call on the next play), Matt Stafford and the Lions marched down for a walk-off 39-yard FG.
Forcing Kyler Murray into 3 INTs on the night probably helped.
Which means the Saints are going to march all over them next week.
This one... This one hurts. Not because we¹ lost, because there were so many “what if” moments. Defensive stops negated by penalties. Passes missed by that much. The safety and the two missed XPs. This is a game that could’ve been had if we were more on the ball.
And that’s the difference between a young team with a bunch of new parts (including the coaching staff) trying to find itself, vs. a veteran team with an MVP level QB who can handle their own goofs²
On the silver lining side: Dak is adding to his “Pay Me, Plebes” file (472/3/2). Travon Diggs continues to look like a future star. The entire receiver corps showed up big (including WR4 Cedric Wilson). Aldon Smith continues to put a lock on the Comeback Player of the Year award.³
Cloudy side: Too many bad penalties in bad spots. The defensive backfield continues to be Liability #1. Zeke vanished (58 yards from scrimmage)
Silver Lining in the distance: We’ll eventually get Tyron Smith, La’el Collins, Sean Lee and the Wolf Hunter back. The NFC East looks like trash, so it’s ours for the taking.
Cloud in the distance: We clearly need to step up our game if we want to do more than just make the playoffs.
AndggseattleIguess.
(TNF) Packers 37, @Saints 30
Discount Double Check came out on top in the battle of future HOFers with 283 and 3 on four fewer attempts than Bresus’ 288 and 3.
The Packers are rounding into the Team To Beat™ in the NFC. The Saints are 1-2, but all three games have been against solid teams (Bucs, Raiders, Packers). And things should get better once Michael Thomas gets back.
BUUUUUT...
The guys you brought in to take the pressure off Thomas (Emmanuel Sanders and Tre’Quan Smith) have 18 catches total through three games. That’s with Thomas not playing in two of them. And there’s still the issue of Brees’ decreasing range (his longest past this season is a 52 yard screen to Alvin Kamara). We’ll see, of course, but I’m not counting on the Saints to rise up and meet the challenge. Not with Brees under center.
(MNF) Chefs 34 @Ravens 20
This is it: The game of the week! Round 2 of the new Brady vs. Manning!
Someone forgot to tell Lamar Jackson, apparently.
The Super Bowl MVP came through with 385 yards and 4 scores. The regular season MVP answered with... 97 and 1.
Son, do you want the “RB 1” jokes to come back? Because this is how you get the “RB 1” jokes back!
Chalk it up to an off night or just getting shut the fuck down by the KC defense. The result is the same: Another impressive victory for the defending champs. Maybe someone will have figured something out later on.
(TNF) Dolphins 31, @Jaguars 13
It’s telling of the weakness of the matchup that the entire buildup towards TNF this week was “The Beard vs. The Mustache”. A fun little side story under ordinary (two teams that don’t suck out loud) circumstances, but here? Smacks of “PLEASE WATCH OUR GAME!”
A game which was pretty much over by halftime.
The Beard (AKA The Amish Rifle, Ryan Fitzpatrick) kept Tua Tangyvanilla on the bench for at least another week with the win, throwing for two TDs and running for a third. Along the way he became the first player in NFL history to score six wins over the same opponent with six different teams.¹
El Mustachio Magnifico wasn’t great (275 and a pick, rating of 79.0), but he wasn’t really the problem. Which creates a problem for Jacksonville. A team in full tank mode generally does so strictly for a QB. Trevor Lawrence is allegedly the prize at the end of this mud slog. But...
- Would Laurence be that much of an upgrade from Minchew? Especially given the DIRE state of the Jags’ skill positions?
- Are the Jags actually worse than the Jets or Giants?
Last year, they would’ve had the fallback position of “tanking for Chase Young”. I don’t think there’s an equivalent no-brainer non-QB in this draft. Feel free to correct me.
On a side note: If there’s a Mt. Rushmore of Backup QBs, is Fitzception on it? I’d say “yes”: Him, Steve DeBerg, Earl Morrall and Nick Foles.
He’s beaten the Jags with Cincinnati (2008), Buffalo (2012), Tennessee (2013), Houston (2014), the Jets (2015) and now Miami
Bears 30, @Falcons 26
Congratulations, Dirty Birds! You, yes YOU, are the first team in NFL history to lose after blowing a 15+ point lead in the fourth quarter, twice! And you did it in back-to-back weeks. The only thing missing from the Dallas game is the special teams looking like they’ve never covered an onside kick before. #AWinnerIsYou.
And you did it vs. the Bears’ backup QB. Granted, the backup is Nick Foles (or was Nick Foles), but still.
Frankly, I’m shocked Dan Quinn didn’t simply get in his car and drive home, letting the team clean out his office. Granted, his players love him. He’s, by all accounts, a stand-up guy, a good man. Doesn’t mean he should still be the Falcons’ head coach. Most coaches don’t have one meltdown like this on their record. He has three.
He’s the goddamn Doc Rivers of the NFL.
Arthur Blank, Thomas Dimitroff - do your goddamn jobs!
@Bills 35, Rams 32
There is a phrase I am loathe to use on a team or a player: “For real.” It’s generally used for a team or player who’s had a long rough stretch, but looks to have put it together.
But damn if the Bills and Josh Allen seem to be “for real.”
Granted, they took advantage of an iffy PI call on that final drive, but the fact that the Bills were in position to take advantage in the first place, shows how far the Bills have come in the last couple of years.
Again, granted; they gagged a 25-pt lead to set up that final drama, but unlike some teams I could mention, they pulled it out in the end. Which is a sign of growth in and of itself. With the Dolphins being the Dolphins and the Jets tripping over their own feet, the AFC East could be theirs for the taking. We’ll see for sure when they meet the new-look Patriots in Week 8.
Silver lining for the Rams: Darrell Henderson is starting to show the punch they were looking for when they drafted him last year (20-114, 1 tD). It’s just two games, but it’s more than he showed in sixteen last season.
@Browns 34, No Names 20
Cleveland is above .500 for the first time since 2014. If that doesn’t tell you what a trash fire then Browns v 2.0 have been, nothing will.
BTW, that last winning record: Week 14, where the Browns were 7-6. They lost their final three games and cost coach Mike Pettine his job. Just saying further success is not a certainty with this franchise.
The Fucksnyders actually took a 3-pt lead into the 4th, but 17 unanswered by the Browns put paid to that. The five turnovers didn’t help.
What else can you say about The Football Team other than “At least they’re not the Giants or the Eagles?”
Titans 31, @Vikings 30
Kickers have been cut and never heard from again on far better days than what Steven Goskowski had in Week 2. The Titans never thought about replacing him. He rewarded that faith with 6-of-6 kicking, including a 55-yd game winner. He and Derrick Henry (26-119, 2 TDs) mostly carried the day for the Titans.
The injury ravaged Vikings defense had no answers, wasting big days from Dalvin Cook (a career-high 181 yards and a score) and rookie Justin Jefferson (7-175, 1 TD).
The Vikings are 0-3 for the first time since Mike Zimmer’s first year and things don’t look to be getting much better anytime soon.
@Patriots 36, Raiders 20
The new look Pats under Cam Newton are giving Dark Hoodie something he hasn’t had as a head coach: Offensive versatility.
Week 1 was all All Cam All Run All The Time. Week 2 was Cam unleashing his arms. This week, more standard Belichick offense: A three-headed attack at RB (lead by Sony “Still Here” Michel’s 117 yards and Rex “Still Here Too” Burkhead’s 2 TDs) with NEwton doing enough passing to keep the Desert Raiders honest.
Da Raidahs, in turn, showed they’re not quite ready for prime time: missing several opportunities early and unable to find alternatives once the Pats took away leading pass catcher Darren Waller.
Fun Fact: With 4,928 yards, Newton is tied with Randall Cunningham for 2nd on the all-time rushing list for QBs, behind Mike Vick’s 6,109.
Niners 36. @Giants 9
The Niners were minus three of their four best defensive players and were starting a backup at every offensive skill position.
And they STILL boatraced the Giants, on the road.
That’s not a good thing, Giants Nation.
Real talk, were I the Giants, if things don’t improve DRASTICALLY, I’m benching Daniel Jones after the bye. What’s the point of letting him go ow and get his brains beat in for little to no gain?
Bengals 23, @Eagles 23 (OT)
And the Donovan McNabb jokes commenced.
And if the 0-3 record isn’t a clear sign that this is not the Eagles’ year, the fact that they knocked themselves out of FG range in OT with a false start is.
It is increasingly clear that the secret ingredient in the Eagles’ Super Bowl year wasn’t Nick Foles or Doug Pederson, it was former OC Frank Reich, currently doing good things in Indy.
It is also just as clear that the Bengals need to prioritize getting Joe Burrow some protection. As the kids say, letting your QB eat eight sacks don’t hit. Ironically, the simple solution (More Joe Mixon and Gio Bernard) is hamstrung by the same crap O-Line that’s letting Burrow take a beating.
@Steelers 28, Texans 21
The Watt Bowl - brothers JJ, TJ and Derek¹ meeting in a game for the first time ever - went to TJ and Derek’s Steelers. As everyone who isn’t a Texans fan/part of JJ’s immediate family thought it would. The Texans took a 3-pt lead into halftime, but the Texans scored the last 11 points of the game and basically leaned on their running game (109 and a touch for James Conner) and the defense (that team is going to get Deshaun Watson killed) for the second half.
On the Texans side of the “How’s The Nuke Hopkins Trade Going?”: David Johnson ran for 23 yards and a score on 13 carries. Will Fuller, Randall Cobb and Kenny Stills combined for 11 catches, 184 yards and 2 TDs.
Not sure if it’s his or the press’ choice not to call him “DJ”?
Jets 7, @Colts 36
Dan Orlovsky has gone on record that he thinks his 2008, 0-16 Lions squad could take the current Jets. I can find no flaw in his argument.
Sam Darnold is regressing before our eyes (168 yds, 3 INTs). He’s getting no help from the bunch of scrubs that is the receiver corps nor his O-Line (He’s been sacked in a current league high 19 games straight). Frank Gore is serviceable, but he wasn’t brought in to carry that kind of load. The defense? There’s a reason Jamal Adams was willing to take money to get out of there.
Unfortunately, like most trash fires this out-of-control, the problem starts at the top, with absentee owner Woody Johnson. As long as he keeps hiring bad GMs and flavor of the month HCs, then giving them way too much time and freedom, this will keep happening.
Who’d have thought Jets Nation would be looking at the Rex Ryan/Mike Tannenbaum era as “The Good Old Days?”
Panthers 21 @Chargers 16
In a giant cloud of “...I guess”, Matt Rhule and the Panthers scored their first win. The Panthers won with defense and an offense so vanilla, actual vanilla thought it was vanilla. Teddy Bridgewater had a mistake-free 235 yards on 22-28 passing. No one else was of note, performance wise.
What was of note was the Panthers red zone futility: They had five red zone trips, resulting in five Joey Slye field goals - none longer than 31 yards. Christian McCaffery can’t get back soon enough.
Justin Herbert got the start for the Chargers, despite Anthony Lynn’s assurances that Tyrod Taylor (and his punctured lung) remained in the starter’s position. He acquitted himself well in Start #2: (330/1/1), but that didn’t translate into points or a win.
Though they did come thiiiis close: On the final play of the game , Keenan Allen overshot Austin Eckler on a hook-and-lateral attempt that probably would have scored had they connected.
Brighter days seem ahead for the Chargers. But we’ve seen that movie before...
Bucs 28, @Broncos 10
The Shaq Barrett Revenge Game™ went to the Bucs. Barrett went WILD on his old team: A safety, two sacks, 3 TFLs, 5 total tackles. Along with Dreamboat playing pitch-and-catch with his receivers through the Denver D’, the Bucs coasted.
And Bronco Nation, say hello to your starting QB of the foreseeable future: Brett Rypien.¹ Brought in for a benched Jeff Driscoll, he answered the call with 53 yards and a pick on 8/9 passing. Drew Lock can’t get back fast enough.
¹Yes, he’s Mark’s nephew.
Lions 26, @Cardinals 23
Wait, what?
The Lions won? On the road? Against a good team? What madness is this?
Not only that, but they kept their composure in the crunch: Shrugging off a holding penalty that nullified a 51-yard bomb to the Cardinal 1 (thanks largely to a PA call on the next play), Matt Stafford and the Lions marched down for a walk-off 39-yard FG.
Forcing Kyler Murray into 3 INTs on the night probably helped.
Which means the Saints are going to march all over them next week.
Cowboys 31, @Seattle 38
This one... This one hurts. Not because we¹ lost, because there were so many “what if” moments. Defensive stops negated by penalties. Passes missed by that much. The safety and the two missed XPs. This is a game that could’ve been had if we were more on the ball.
And that’s the difference between a young team with a bunch of new parts (including the coaching staff) trying to find itself, vs. a veteran team with an MVP level QB who can handle their own goofs²
On the silver lining side: Dak is adding to his “Pay Me, Plebes” file (472/3/2). Travon Diggs continues to look like a future star. The entire receiver corps showed up big (including WR4 Cedric Wilson). Aldon Smith continues to put a lock on the Comeback Player of the Year award.³
Cloudy side: Too many bad penalties in bad spots. The defensive backfield continues to be Liability #1. Zeke vanished (58 yards from scrimmage)
Silver Lining in the distance: We’ll eventually get Tyron Smith, La’el Collins, Sean Lee and the Wolf Hunter back. The NFC East looks like trash, so it’s ours for the taking.
Cloud in the distance: We clearly need to step up our game if we want to do more than just make the playoffs.
AndggseattleIguess.
For those new to the WIR: When it comes to the Cowboys, I am unabashedly a fan and frequently use “we” when talking about them? If you, dear reader, are on Team “‘We?’ I don’t see you on the sideline! (lol)”, you can avoid the rush and go fuck yourself now.
Keep running through the whistle, DK!
A lock that gets cut the moment Alex Smith throws a pass in-game.
(TNF) Packers 37, @Saints 30
Discount Double Check came out on top in the battle of future HOFers with 283 and 3 on four fewer attempts than Bresus’ 288 and 3.
The Packers are rounding into the Team To Beat™ in the NFC. The Saints are 1-2, but all three games have been against solid teams (Bucs, Raiders, Packers). And things should get better once Michael Thomas gets back.
BUUUUUT...
The guys you brought in to take the pressure off Thomas (Emmanuel Sanders and Tre’Quan Smith) have 18 catches total through three games. That’s with Thomas not playing in two of them. And there’s still the issue of Brees’ decreasing range (his longest past this season is a 52 yard screen to Alvin Kamara). We’ll see, of course, but I’m not counting on the Saints to rise up and meet the challenge. Not with Brees under center.
(MNF) Chefs 34 @Ravens 20
This is it: The game of the week! Round 2 of the new Brady vs. Manning!
Someone forgot to tell Lamar Jackson, apparently.
The Super Bowl MVP came through with 385 yards and 4 scores. The regular season MVP answered with... 97 and 1.
Son, do you want the “RB 1” jokes to come back? Because this is how you get the “RB 1” jokes back!
Chalk it up to an off night or just getting shut the fuck down by the KC defense. The result is the same: Another impressive victory for the defending champs. Maybe someone will have figured something out later on.
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