#NFL Week in Review – Week 17 (2019)
Welcome to the Week in Review - FOR THE FINAL TIME! In 2019.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZzcQ-uQ8R0
We're gonna do something a bit different to close out the year. First, we're going to list the (probable) status of each non-playoff head coach heading into the offseason. Second, we're just going to lump the games that meant nothing and the teams played like it into one section, with a quick line or two if anything of significance happened.
Can you really feel good about beating Matt Barkley and Isaiah McKenzie?
Browns gonna Brown.
Be proud, Chicago! Scoring 21 against what basically amounted to Minnesota's preseason roster.
Congrats to Rapey McCrablegs, who became the first (and probably only) member of the 30 TD/30 INT club!¹ You'd have thought one of the AFL guys would've pulled that off, but nope!
The Rams' swan song in the LA Mausoleum... And they needed a fourth quarter surge to beat a five-win team at home.
And now for the important(-ish) games.
The Nevermores set the NFL record for rushing yards for a season, with Sunday’s 223 giving them 3,296 for the season, breaking the mark of 3,165 set by the 1978 Patriots. This is why I’m low-key rooting for the Ravens to go all the way. Few things give me more pleasure than watching someone take “common wisdom” and smash it with a hammer. And the Ravens rushing their way to victory in a league that seems bound and determined to make running backs as irrelevant as kickoff returners would put a tickle in my bathing suit area.¹
Even playing as many backups as they could fit in, the Steelers still looked overmatched. An offseason of getting healthy and patching holes is in the offing for Pittsburgh. Though I wonder how many windows they’ll have to bolt shut at Steeler HQ if Rapelisberger decides to go the way of Andrew Luck?
Over the span of the Belichick/Brady era, the Pats have shown a Rasputin-like tendency to adapt and thrive when the world declares their reign over.
But losing at home to a then-four-win Dolphin team - when you need the win to secure a first round bye - isn’t a good look. It’s the second straight year Miami has provided New England their only division loss. It’s also the first time since 2009 the Pats enter the playoffs in the Wild Card round. They have never made the Super Bowl out of the Wild Card. Just Sayin’.
The Fish are going to be where the Browns were this time last year: A team that showed grit and heart late, with plenty of resources to play with in the coming offseason.
Fun Fact: At 37, Ryan Fitzpatrick became the oldest player to lead his team in rushing. With 243 yards on 54 attempts. Pretty sure Derrick Henry had that by the middle of Week 2.
The Saints did their part in their attempt to earn a first-round bye. Breesus threw for 253 yards and 2 scores. Alvin Kamara added two of his own. Along with a defensive score from AJ Klein, New Orleans took no chances with an upset. They put their foot on Carolina’s neck and kept it there. They then took to the locker room to watch the end of Packers/Lions. A Packer loss gave them the #2 seed. Even with a Green Bay win, they could still get the bye with a Niners loss.
And in news that was the only reason for a non-Saints fan to watch this game; Christian McCaffrey had 7 catches for 72 yards, giving him 1004 for the season and making him the third player to clear 1000 yards rushing and receiving, in the same season - joining Roger Craig (1985) and Marshall Faulk (1999).
Almost let that one go...
Mason Crosby's 33-yard field goal as time expired lifted the Packers over a Lion team eager to play spoiler and knock Green Bay into the Wild Card round. For a good chunk of the game, it looked like that’s exactly what would happen, as Detroit led or was tied for literally the entire game, up until Crosby’s kick. No doubt the only people more disappointed than the Lions faithful were the Saints - who now need Seattle to knock off San Francisco to claim a bye.
The Chiefs took care of their end of the bargain.
With the win over the hapless Chargers and the Patriots’ loss, Kansas City lays claim to the #2 seed and the other first round bye. Patrick Mahomes didn’t have to do much more than hold serve and keep the defense honest, as Damien Williams ran for 124 and 2 scores and Mecole Hardman added a 104-yard kickoff return TD.
If this was truly Phillip Rivers’ last game as a Charger, he died as he lived - doing as much to hurt his cause as help it, with 281, 2 scores and 2 picks.
Show of hands: Who else thinks “Ryan Tannehill saved the Titans’ season” still doesn’t feel real?
The Titans locked down the final playoff spot with a win over the just-trying-not-to-get-hurt Texans. ¹ Tannehill, who threw for 198 and two scores, will get his first playoff game (let alone start) next week at Gillette Stadium vs. New England. Derrick Henry carried the load for Tennessee, with 211 yards and 3 TDs on 32 carries. With that performance, Henry captured the season rushing title (1,540) and tied with Aaron Jones for the Rushing TD title (16). Henry also became the third Titans/Oilers back with at least 15 rushing TDs in a season, joining Earl Campbell (19 in 1979) and LenDale White² (15 in 2008).
The Texans, locked into the 4-seed, rested everyone they could get away with. AJ McCarron got the start at QB, throwing for 225, a score and a pick. They’ll host Buffalo next week.
The season ended with a wet fart for both teams, a season full of what ifs, what could’ve beens and WTF Happened? A wet fart that was still significant, due to how many tiebreakers the Colts factored into. Yeah, the Jags scored 38, but can you recall a single scoring play without a box score in front of you?
Both teams were hamstrung with QB drama and ill-timed injuries - with the Jags further hampered by a bad case of Tom Coughlin. Somewhere along the line, Jacoby Brissett went from looking like a possible long-term replacement for Andrew Luck to looking like yet another failed NE export. Maybe an offseason to get fully healthy will get him closer to the former than the latter? Nick Foles came to Jacksonville looking to shake the label of Flash In The Pan Journeyman. And then he lived up to his other label: injury-prone. Which led directly to one of the year’s feel-good stories: The rise of Gardner Minshew (and His Magnificent Mustache).
Leonard Fournette (who has yet to play a full 16 as a pro) and DJ “No, I’m not a rookie” Chark became the first JAX RB/WR tandem to pass 1000 yards each since Fred Taylor and Jimmy Smith in 2004. That it took 15 seasons for something that relatively mundane to happen tells you all you need to know about what kind of dire straits the Jags have been in, even before Coughlin Round 2.
For the second time this month, Cowboys Nation is left asking “Where the fuck was this team last week?”
The Cowboys held up their end of the “We win + Eagles lose = Playoffs” scenario. Looking like the team that shredded the Rams and nothing like the one who choked vs Philly and Chicago.
That’s the way this season has gone: Can’t even get that hyped about dog walking Washington.
Trader Jerry and Golden Boy are in a meeting as I write this. While I can totally see Jerry offering Garrett a one-year, last chance contact, I can’t see Garrett - or any coach, really - swallowing his pride enough to take it. And scuttlebutt is that when the axe falls, it’s gonna be a clean sweep. And frankly, I can’t come up with a single reason to retain any of these guys. Kris Richard and Kellen Moore might go on to great things. They’re just going to have to do them somewhere else.
And for the last time in 2019: Fuck. Dan. Snyder.
For three quarters, Cowboy Nation had hope. Then that fourth quarter...
Philly scored 17 unanswered in a decisive fourth quarter, locking down the NFC East title and setting up a potential battle of the M*A*S*H units with the NFC West runner-up.
The Giants had their chances, but here’s the results of their fourth quarter possessions: Fumble, punt, turnover on downs, INT, end of game. The 2019 Giants in a nutshell.
Nice curtain call for Eli, though.
Fun fact: Carson Wentz set a franchise single season record with 4,039 yards. His leading wide receiver? Alshon Jeffrey, with 490 yards. Followed by Nelson Agholor with 363.¹
Four of the five things that needed to happen for the Raiders to make the playoffs didn’t happen. And that includes the Raiders beating Denver. The finale for both teams (along with the last stand of the Oakland Raiders [Take 2]) came down to the final play, with Derek Carr’s two-point conversion attempt getting batted down by DT Shelby Harris.
The raiders had their chances this season, but shot themselves in the foot and/or missed opportunities far too often. Year 3 of the Great Chucky Experiment should be interesting as they move to Vegas.
The Broncos move into the offseason with optimism. Drew Lock will, no doubt, goes into 2020 as the designated starter. And they also go in having to decide what to do with Joe Flacco, to whom they own a buttload of money.
And we save the best for last.
The last puzzle piece of the 2019 postseason fell into place, as San Fran literally hung on to the win, as San Francisco rookie LB Dre Greenlaw took down Jacob Hollister for One Yard Short II. A scenario set up by a disastrous Delay of Game penalty that took the previous play from a third-and-goal from the 1 to third-and-goal from the 5.
And hey: Touchdown - Beast Mode!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4svQfsQ8LE
Seattle hits the Wild Card round heading to Philly. And hoping they can get healthy by game time, with Jaron Brown (knee) and Mychal Kendricks (hamstring) both leaving the game.
San Fran claims the #1 seed and has two weeks to await the lowest seeded Wild Card winner. And has two weeks to get over the unease factor of needing an epic last second individual play¹ to beat a Seattle team missing more parts than a ‘74 Gremlin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZzcQ-uQ8R0
We're gonna do something a bit different to close out the year. First, we're going to list the (probable) status of each non-playoff head coach heading into the offseason. Second, we're just going to lump the games that meant nothing and the teams played like it into one section, with a quick line or two if anything of significance happened.
Jets 13, Bills 6
Can you really feel good about beating Matt Barkley and Isaiah McKenzie?
- Status of Adam Gaze - Safe (for now): Doesn't seem to have learned much from his Miami debacle, but his players seem to want to perform for him. That counts for something.
Browns 23, Bengals 33
Browns gonna Brown.
- Status of Freddie Kitchens - Good as gone. The only reason this isn't just "GONE" is that this is the same team that retained Hue Jackson after a 1-15 year. AND an 0-16 year. This was a bad hire and the Browns need to cut their losses, not play the Sunk Cost game. (EDIT: They didn’t even let the locker room get cold)
- Status of Zac Taylor - Safe. The Bungles don't have a quick hook, so Taylor should have at least two more years, if he can show any sort of progress from here. But not an auspicious start for the McVay alikes.
Bears 21, Vikings 19
Be proud, Chicago! Scoring 21 against what basically amounted to Minnesota's preseason roster.
- Status of Matt Nagy - Safe (for Now): Chicago is another team with no history of a quick hook (In the team's entire history, Marc Trestman "OFFENSIVE GENIUS" is the only HC to not make it to at least a third year). But Nagy is going to need to show some offensive progress if he's to make it past that three year barrier.
Falcons 28, Bucs 22
Congrats to Rapey McCrablegs, who became the first (and probably only) member of the 30 TD/30 INT club!¹ You'd have thought one of the AFL guys would've pulled that off, but nope!
- Status of Dan Quinn - Safe: Arthur Blank has already announced Quinn and GM Thomas Dimitroff will return for 2020. The surge probably earned them a rebound year.
- Status of Bruce Arians - Safe: Given Arians' rep and the state of the team, he probably has the job as long as he wants it. I'd say "Wants it" lasts one more year of managing Famous Jameis' Turnover Factory.
He’s also the first Bucs and first Black QB² to clear the 5K yards mark. That that fact is buried tells you what kind of wildly erratic player Winston is.
Oh, right. Patrick Mahomes...
Cardinals 24, Rams 31
The Rams' swan song in the LA Mausoleum... And they needed a fourth quarter surge to beat a five-win team at home.
- Status of Kliff Kingsbury - Safe: Even if Kingsbury's offense wasn't as advertised, the young Cardinals were better than. He'll have a tough act to follow in 2020. Although if Kyler Murray is telling the truth here, hrrmm... That’s some Shanahanigans rite thur.
- Status of Sean McVay - Safe: A Super Bowl appearance earns you a large amount of slack. At this point, Todd Gurley’s status is more of a question than McVay’s.
And now for the important(-ish) games.
Steelers 10, Ravens 28
The Nevermores set the NFL record for rushing yards for a season, with Sunday’s 223 giving them 3,296 for the season, breaking the mark of 3,165 set by the 1978 Patriots. This is why I’m low-key rooting for the Ravens to go all the way. Few things give me more pleasure than watching someone take “common wisdom” and smash it with a hammer. And the Ravens rushing their way to victory in a league that seems bound and determined to make running backs as irrelevant as kickoff returners would put a tickle in my bathing suit area.¹
Even playing as many backups as they could fit in, the Steelers still looked overmatched. An offseason of getting healthy and patching holes is in the offing for Pittsburgh. Though I wonder how many windows they’ll have to bolt shut at Steeler HQ if Rapelisberger decides to go the way of Andrew Luck?
- Status of Omar Epps - Safe: The fact that this motley crew was in playoff contention this late should put Mike Tomlin in the “As Long As He Wants To Stay” category.
You’re welcome for that image by the way.
Dolphins 27, Spymasters 24
Over the span of the Belichick/Brady era, the Pats have shown a Rasputin-like tendency to adapt and thrive when the world declares their reign over.
But losing at home to a then-four-win Dolphin team - when you need the win to secure a first round bye - isn’t a good look. It’s the second straight year Miami has provided New England their only division loss. It’s also the first time since 2009 the Pats enter the playoffs in the Wild Card round. They have never made the Super Bowl out of the Wild Card. Just Sayin’.
The Fish are going to be where the Browns were this time last year: A team that showed grit and heart late, with plenty of resources to play with in the coming offseason.
Fun Fact: At 37, Ryan Fitzpatrick became the oldest player to lead his team in rushing. With 243 yards on 54 attempts. Pretty sure Derrick Henry had that by the middle of Week 2.
- Status of Brian Flores - Safe: Five wins should put him in Coach of the Year contention, given the shredding the front office did to his roster.
Saints 42, Panthers 10
The Saints did their part in their attempt to earn a first-round bye. Breesus threw for 253 yards and 2 scores. Alvin Kamara added two of his own. Along with a defensive score from AJ Klein, New Orleans took no chances with an upset. They put their foot on Carolina’s neck and kept it there. They then took to the locker room to watch the end of Packers/Lions. A Packer loss gave them the #2 seed. Even with a Green Bay win, they could still get the bye with a Niners loss.
And in news that was the only reason for a non-Saints fan to watch this game; Christian McCaffrey had 7 catches for 72 yards, giving him 1004 for the season and making him the third player to clear 1000 yards rushing and receiving, in the same season - joining Roger Craig (1985) and Marshall Faulk (1999).
- Status of Perry Fewell - Never In The Cards: Fewell would’ve had to run the table or close to lose the “interim” tag. Instead the Panthers under Fewell went 0-5 and looked horrible doing it.
Packers 23, Lions 20
Almost let that one go...
Mason Crosby's 33-yard field goal as time expired lifted the Packers over a Lion team eager to play spoiler and knock Green Bay into the Wild Card round. For a good chunk of the game, it looked like that’s exactly what would happen, as Detroit led or was tied for literally the entire game, up until Crosby’s kick. No doubt the only people more disappointed than the Lions faithful were the Saints - who now need Seattle to knock off San Francisco to claim a bye.
- Status of Matt Patricia - Safe: Ownership has already announced Patrica and GM Bob Quinn will return for 2020. Matt Stafford’s injury probably gave them a mulligan for this lost season. Though that just means there’s NO excuses in 2020. Even accounting for Stafford’s absence, there were no signs of growth in this team. Or improvement in the roster, save for possibly Danny Amendola. And if he’s your key addition, something done gone wrong.
Chargers 21, Chiefs 31
The Chiefs took care of their end of the bargain.
With the win over the hapless Chargers and the Patriots’ loss, Kansas City lays claim to the #2 seed and the other first round bye. Patrick Mahomes didn’t have to do much more than hold serve and keep the defense honest, as Damien Williams ran for 124 and 2 scores and Mecole Hardman added a 104-yard kickoff return TD.
If this was truly Phillip Rivers’ last game as a Charger, he died as he lived - doing as much to hurt his cause as help it, with 281, 2 scores and 2 picks.
- Status of Anthony Lynn - 50/50: The Chargers looked strong, if snake-bitten, in Lynn’s first two seasons. So this season’s Rivers-fueled meltdown shouldn’t reflect too badly on him. Unless, of course, the ever-mercurial Dean Spanos decides he wants to move into SoFi Stadium with a clean slate: with a new QB and a new, big name HC. That’s not off the table for someone who fired Marty Schottenheimer after a 14-win season.
Titans 35, Texans 14
Show of hands: Who else thinks “Ryan Tannehill saved the Titans’ season” still doesn’t feel real?
The Titans locked down the final playoff spot with a win over the just-trying-not-to-get-hurt Texans. ¹ Tannehill, who threw for 198 and two scores, will get his first playoff game (let alone start) next week at Gillette Stadium vs. New England. Derrick Henry carried the load for Tennessee, with 211 yards and 3 TDs on 32 carries. With that performance, Henry captured the season rushing title (1,540) and tied with Aaron Jones for the Rushing TD title (16). Henry also became the third Titans/Oilers back with at least 15 rushing TDs in a season, joining Earl Campbell (19 in 1979) and LenDale White² (15 in 2008).
The Texans, locked into the 4-seed, rested everyone they could get away with. AJ McCarron got the start at QB, throwing for 225, a score and a pick. They’ll host Buffalo next week.
Which isn’t that much of a slight. They still had to work to get to this point.
There’s a trivia question I would've missed repeatedly.
Colts 20, Jaguars 38
The season ended with a wet fart for both teams, a season full of what ifs, what could’ve beens and WTF Happened? A wet fart that was still significant, due to how many tiebreakers the Colts factored into. Yeah, the Jags scored 38, but can you recall a single scoring play without a box score in front of you?
Both teams were hamstrung with QB drama and ill-timed injuries - with the Jags further hampered by a bad case of Tom Coughlin. Somewhere along the line, Jacoby Brissett went from looking like a possible long-term replacement for Andrew Luck to looking like yet another failed NE export. Maybe an offseason to get fully healthy will get him closer to the former than the latter? Nick Foles came to Jacksonville looking to shake the label of Flash In The Pan Journeyman. And then he lived up to his other label: injury-prone. Which led directly to one of the year’s feel-good stories: The rise of Gardner Minshew (and His Magnificent Mustache).
Leonard Fournette (who has yet to play a full 16 as a pro) and DJ “No, I’m not a rookie” Chark became the first JAX RB/WR tandem to pass 1000 yards each since Fred Taylor and Jimmy Smith in 2004. That it took 15 seasons for something that relatively mundane to happen tells you all you need to know about what kind of dire straits the Jags have been in, even before Coughlin Round 2.
- Status of Frank Reich - Safe: Reich worked wonders with what he had. Find a QB - be it Brissett or otherwise - an a rebound year is in the offing.
- Status of Doug Marrone - (Probably) Gone: Shad Khan will be meeting with him on Tuesday. Though his roster was decimated by injuries and Coughlin being an insufferable dick, Marrone did little to try and right the ship. Coughlin’s replacement will likely want to bring his own hire in. And if they don’t want to settle for what’s left, they need to move now.
Fucksnyders 16, Cowboys 47
For the second time this month, Cowboys Nation is left asking “Where the fuck was this team last week?”
The Cowboys held up their end of the “We win + Eagles lose = Playoffs” scenario. Looking like the team that shredded the Rams and nothing like the one who choked vs Philly and Chicago.
That’s the way this season has gone: Can’t even get that hyped about dog walking Washington.
Trader Jerry and Golden Boy are in a meeting as I write this. While I can totally see Jerry offering Garrett a one-year, last chance contact, I can’t see Garrett - or any coach, really - swallowing his pride enough to take it. And scuttlebutt is that when the axe falls, it’s gonna be a clean sweep. And frankly, I can’t come up with a single reason to retain any of these guys. Kris Richard and Kellen Moore might go on to great things. They’re just going to have to do them somewhere else.
And for the last time in 2019: Fuck. Dan. Snyder.
- Status of Jason Garrett - All over but the shouting: As I said above, I cannot concieve of a scenario that results in Garrett’s return. And I think Jerruh is savvy enough to realize the likely revolt that will occur if he did bring him back.
- Status of Bill Callahan - GONE: Scuttlebutt is Dan Snyder is already meeting with Ron Rivera. And he brought Obama as backup. Real talk: If this is true, I’m disappointed in Obama in hanging with trash like Snyder.
Eagles 34, Giants 17
For three quarters, Cowboy Nation had hope. Then that fourth quarter...
Philly scored 17 unanswered in a decisive fourth quarter, locking down the NFC East title and setting up a potential battle of the M*A*S*H units with the NFC West runner-up.
The Giants had their chances, but here’s the results of their fourth quarter possessions: Fumble, punt, turnover on downs, INT, end of game. The 2019 Giants in a nutshell.
Nice curtain call for Eli, though.
Fun fact: Carson Wentz set a franchise single season record with 4,039 yards. His leading wide receiver? Alshon Jeffrey, with 490 yards. Followed by Nelson Agholor with 363.¹
- Status of Pat Shurmur: He Gone Enjoy your ginger clapping clown, NYC.
Team leaders in receptions and catches are TE Zach Ertz (88-916), TE Dallas Goedert (87-607) and RB Miles Sanders (50-509).
Raiders 15, Broncos 16
Four of the five things that needed to happen for the Raiders to make the playoffs didn’t happen. And that includes the Raiders beating Denver. The finale for both teams (along with the last stand of the Oakland Raiders [Take 2]) came down to the final play, with Derek Carr’s two-point conversion attempt getting batted down by DT Shelby Harris.
The raiders had their chances this season, but shot themselves in the foot and/or missed opportunities far too often. Year 3 of the Great Chucky Experiment should be interesting as they move to Vegas.
The Broncos move into the offseason with optimism. Drew Lock will, no doubt, goes into 2020 as the designated starter. And they also go in having to decide what to do with Joe Flacco, to whom they own a buttload of money.
- Status of Jon Gruden - Safe: He’ll have to go 0-16 before Mark Davis even considers firing him.
- Status of Vic Fangio - Safe: We’ll see what Fangio can do with a stable, consistent QB (and if Drew Lock can be such a QB).
Niners 26, Seahawks 21
And we save the best for last.
The last puzzle piece of the 2019 postseason fell into place, as San Fran literally hung on to the win, as San Francisco rookie LB Dre Greenlaw took down Jacob Hollister for One Yard Short II. A scenario set up by a disastrous Delay of Game penalty that took the previous play from a third-and-goal from the 1 to third-and-goal from the 5.
And hey: Touchdown - Beast Mode!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4svQfsQ8LE
Seattle hits the Wild Card round heading to Philly. And hoping they can get healthy by game time, with Jaron Brown (knee) and Mychal Kendricks (hamstring) both leaving the game.
San Fran claims the #1 seed and has two weeks to await the lowest seeded Wild Card winner. And has two weeks to get over the unease factor of needing an epic last second individual play¹ to beat a Seattle team missing more parts than a ‘74 Gremlin.
And some Refball.
Comments
Post a Comment