#NFL Week in Review – Week 8 (2019)
Welcome to the Week in Review. Hooray beer!
Fucksnyders 9, Vikings 19 (TNF)
It’s telling how bad a team is, when during the NFL’s “Best Plays for Each Team” montage, Washington’s best play was the strip of Stefon Diggs.
The Redhawks managed to slow down and keep pace with the Vikes in this Two-Way QB Revenge Game ... Right up until Case Keenum was sat down under the concussion protocols and Dwane Haskins immediately proved why he hasn’t been the starter instead of the under-achieving Keenum. Going 3 of 5 for 33 yards and a pick.
Note: Those weren’t numbers for a drive or even a quarter. They had him throw five passes for the entire second half. That’s not good. #Understatement
In his first game against his old team, Kirk Cousins threw for 285 on 23/26 passing.
Broncos 13, Colts 15
Adam Vinatieri made this game a lot closer than it needed to be.
Yeah, he nailed the 51-yard game winner. He also shanked a 45-yarder in the first quarter and missed an extra point
Makes you wonder which is more unreliable at this point: Vinatieri or Joe Flacco? I'd have to say Vinatieri at this point, because you know exactly what you're getting from Flacco. Though, contrary to that opinion and eight weeks of evidence, the ultra-conservative play calling was enough to make the normally "YAY TEAM" Flacco to speak up in the post-game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWwmFCvavsw
Can't really argue with his points. So here's a clip of Jacoby Brissett doing things Flacco was never capable of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g365yHFxzGo
Bucs 23, Titans 27
This should've been the game winner for the Bucs.
https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1188548088241086464
But, once again, a quick whistle turned an amazing play into a case a blue balls. Granted, this still gave Tampa the ball with three minutes left. More than enough time for Rapey McCrablegs to spray the ball all over the field, culminating in a failed fourth down and game over drive safe.
Tampa's late game fail (plus the four turnovers, including one in the possession after this) helped people overlook the sheer WTF factor of the Titans pulling a fake field goal, up four, late in the fourth. With a competent offense on the other side, this costs them the game. Hell, it still should've (see above).
But hey. Ryan Tannehill threw three TDs, so there's that.
Cardinals 9, Saints 31
Kliff Kingsbury's young Cards came in on a three-game win streak. Which many - myself included - figured would be their win total for the season.
The Saints have been shutting opponents down ever since putting the clamps on the Cowboys' early-season success.
Something had to give.
Did we mention Drew Brees returned for this game?
As Bomani Jones would say: "BEAT 'EM DOWN" commenced on the Redbirds. Losing Chase Edmonds and basically abandoning the run afterwards didn't help.
Bengals 10, Rams 24
"Double Reverse Flea Flicker." That is all.
https://twitter.com/SportsCenter/status/1188518884934127623
Well, not quite all: The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton , is getting racked in favor of rookie Ryan Finley. Good luck with that, Bengals.
Also not quite all: Aqib Talib got sent to
I See Dead People 15, Jaguars 29
The Jets' win over the Cowboys looks more and more like an aberration.
Sam Darnold went from seeing ghosts to seeing the turf. Repeatedly. To the tune of eight sacks and thirteen QB hits. With three INTs sprinkled in.
On the opposite end of the Young QB spectrum: El Hombre Magnifico silenced calls for Nick Foles' return with 279 yards and 3 TDs.
There was a bit of time where it was assumed there was going to be a fire sale, with Le'Veon Bell, Jamal Adams, Robby Anderson and (long rumored) Leonard Williams all being floated out there in trade rumors. In the end, only Williams was shipped out: Sent across town to the Giants for a 2020 3rd rounder and a 2021 5 (which becomes a 4 if Williams signs an extension).
Should be an interesting few weeks for those players who's names got floated, but remained in green.
Giants 26, Lions 31
Matthew Stafford is having the best season of his career. Bear in mind this is a man with a 5K yard season¹ and six 4K seasons.
And the Lions are still only .500. That tells you how dire the Lions are right now. Yeah, they got the win. But it's the Giants. And Danny Dimes still lit them up for 322 and 4 TDs. The loss of Kerryon Johnson didn't help the Lions' cause (25 carries for 59 yards as a team).
Reportedly, the Giants are had a players-only meeting on Monday. Somehow, I don't think that's going to help.
He's also the only person to throw for 5000 yards and not make the Pro Bowl for that season. Take that how you will.
Chargers 17, Bears 16
Ask yourselves, Bears Nation: Which hurt you more in this game: The Curse of Robbie Gould continuing (Eddie Pineiro missing a 41-yarder as time expired) or your red zone woes (5 first half red zone possessions, 9 points, including a comedy of errors to run out the first half)?
The answer is, of course, is: Fuck you, you suck.
Or more accurately: "Fuck you, Matt Nagy. And your stupid STUPID explanation for not taking one more shot at the end zone or at least a closer final kick."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56e0WPtlk28
Hell, the Chargers took more action on their shit offense, and they won! OC Ken Wisenhunt got the axe on Monday night. Show of hands: Who else didn't know Wisenhunt was on an NFL staff?
Seahawks 27, Falcons 20
In relief of the injured Matt Ryan, Matt Schaub threw for 460 and a TD.
It didn't help because the Falcons fucking suck. And the Falcons responded to this latest dud by... Cutting Matt Bryant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HVejEB5uVk
Eagles 31, Bills 13
Philly had 218 rushing yards., fronted by Jordan Howard's 96 yards and Miles Sanders' 65-yard TD run. Howard's near-miss extends the Eagles' streak of no 100-yard rusher since 2017¹. Take that stat as you will.
Not much else to say here: The Iggles put the boots to a not-that-good Bills team.
What do you mean "The Bills still have a better record than Philly?"
Well... That messes with the ol' noggin.
LeGarrette Blount had 136 yards in Week 4 of that year.
Panthers 13, Niners 51
Speaking of "not much to say", when one team drops 50+ on a team, unless your a fan of the team on the wrong end of that score, there's not much you can say but "Damn."
And in a sign that clearly says "Cam's not ready": Despite Kyle Allen handing them a 3-INT excuse make the switch, Ron Rivera has stated Allen will start vs. the Titans on Sunday. Let's see how the youngster responds to his first dud as a starter.
Browns 13, Patriots 27
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP3fyg6kXDI
'Nuff said.
Raiders 24, Texans 27
You know it's your day when your QB takes a cleat to the eye and still fires off a TD pass.¹
Despite the² loss of JJ Watt, the Texans managed to hold off Chucky's scrappy Raiders.
Imagine what the Raiders would look like if they still had Khalil Mack and Amari Cooper.³
Even when the protection is there, they find a way to try and kill Deshaun Watson.
The less charitable among us would add "inevitable"
No, I'm not letting that go. Why do you ask?
Packers 31, Chiefs 24 (SNF)
Just remember: The last time Discount Double Check had reliable options at RB and at WR, the Cheeseheads won a championship.
I think it's immaterial that, at this point, both those reliable options are Aaron Jones.
Tankfish 14, Steelers 27 (MNF)
The scrappy, gritty Dolphins jumped out to a 14-0 lead on the Steelers. I admit that I turned the game off at that point, thinking it's going to be another one of Coach Omar Epps patented "Lose To A Clearly Inferior Team" games.
Then Pittsburgh scored the last 27 points of the game.
I guess that's what happens when one assumes...
James Conner having his first 100 yd game of the season (145, 1 TD) no doubt helped the Steeler cause.
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