#NFL Week in Review – Week 6 (2019)
Welcome to the Week in Review, where Wednesdays are the new Tuesdays!
For 85% of this game, the Giants hung tough. The defense kept the Pats in check and within reach. If they could just get a break or two on offense, they might just pull off the upset.
Then the Pats scored on a Kyle Van Noy fumble return to go up 28-14.
On the very next possession... The Giants punted on a 4th-and-2. With seven minutes to go, down two scores, they punted. Because not giving the Pats an easy score at this point was the important thing?
The Football Gods responded to this abject cowardice by letting the Pats march on the now-gassed Giants D: Three minutes, culminating in Tom Brady’s second rushing TD of the game.
The moral of the story? Don’t be a pussy.
Carolina won their fourth straight in Jolly Old England. With Rapey McCrablegs giving the ball away like each turnover was a tax write off.(5 INTs and a fumble), Kyle Allen and Run CMC didn’t have to do that much to stay on top.
Winston did everything short of snapping his own legs to prove my kind(ish) words of last week a lie. Not only did he throw a lot of INTs, they were all BAD ones. The kind where it looks for all the world like he was aiming for the guy in the other color uniform.
Both teams are dealing with talk of QB changes coming out of this game. Bruce Ariens has said he has no plans to make the switch to backup Ryan Griffin (Who has never appeared in a regular season game). The conspiracy brotha in me thinks this was a conscious choice on Tampa’s part: Letting Fitzception go in free agency and not replacing him with a vet or a high draft pick forces the team to ride or die with Winston. The Panthers reportedly will bring Cam Newton back after next week’s bye. This sounds to me like they’re bringing him once he could tolerate the pain of his shoulder. Were it me, I’d make damn sure Cam was 100% (or as close as he could get at this stage) before even thinking of messing with the good thing they have in Kyle Allen.
RB1, Lamar Jackson, became the first player in NFL history with more than 150 yards rushing (152 and a TD) and 200 passing (236) in a single regular season game. This, plus a strong effort from the Baltimore defense plus the Bengals’ offense being the Bengals’ offense, was more than enough to take the win.
And that’s all that was notable about this game, unless you’re into misery porn. In which case, you might be interested to know that the Bengals are 0-6 for the ninth time in franchise history. I have no idea how that stacks up historically with other franchises, but I’m betting... Not good.
Perhaps next time, an NFL team will disregard “Our QB likes him" as the main reason for hiring a head coach.
Also this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Re_kj7rgs
Two memes meet in a clearing. The legend of El Hombre Magificio, Gardner Minshew vs. Teddy Ballgame, keeping the Saints rolling in the absence of their lord and savior Breesus. One had to fall¹..And our dear time-displaced Marlboro Man was the loser, cut down by the curiously, continually overlooked Saints defense. The Jags were held to 226 total yards of offense. Not that Bridgewater was particularly sharp, missing wide open TD throws to Michael Thomas and Ted Ginn Jr. But keeping the mistakes to a minimum was all the Saints needed from him.
FYI: This is the second time this season the Jags allowed less than 14 points and still lost.
Another highly anticipated QB showdown ended in (another) slight disappointment, Deshaun Watson (280, 1 TD, 2 INTs) and Patrick Mahomes (273/3/1) put up decent numbers. But with the Texans playing an effective game of Keep Away. (nearly 40 minutes of possession, plus a season-high 41 rushing plays) kept the Chefs’ high powered offense grounded.
Not even the returning Tyreke Hill (5 catches, 80 yds, 2 TDs) was enough to turn the tide. Andy Reid deciding to counter the Texans’ slow-down game with 11 total carries for his RB platoon probably didn’t help either.
Bill O’Brien can crow about beating a good team now. But lets see him do it again, against a team with out a big fat exploitable flaw like the Chiefs.
Welcome to Tank Bowl, where you lose by winning!
Bill Callahan won his debut as interim Redhawks coach, leaning heavily on Lesser Gruden’s nemesis, Old Man AP (23-118),scratched out the win.
Despite the best efforts of FITZMAGICK¹ - who entered the game in the fourth - Miami not only hung on to their winless status, but rose to the current #1 position (via some arcane tiebreakers with the Bungles). Washington, with the win/loss, fell to the #3 slot.
What a difference an airing of grievances makes.
Two weeks after the Vikings' "Come To Jesus"/"Stop Sucking" meeting, Stefon Diggs became the first Vikings receiver since Randy Moss in 2000 to catch at least two TDs of 50 yards or more (51, 62), tacking on a third 11-yarder for good measure (with 167 yds . Case Keenum topped those three with a fourth to Adam Theilen and wrapped it all up with 41 and a touch from Dalvin Cook.
And yet, the Eagles are still tied atop the NFC East (more on why below). Who knew not replacing your only reliable field-stretching WR could hurt your offense?
With this loss, the Falcons are officially the NFC’s worst team. Yeah, I put them below the Deadskins. We didn’t expect anything out of them and we’re getting it. Atlanta was supposed to be a contender, so extra points off for that.
And yeah, it’s looking like Arizona made the right call ditching Josh Rosen for Black, Sober Johnny Manziel.
Never have I seen one loss make a team hit the panic button this hard.
You’d think getting whooped by the best team in the conference would be considered a learning experience at worst. It’s not like the Niners hung a 50-burger on them.
But still: The Rams enacted a flurry of trades, fronted by:
Granted, two of those were spurred by season-ending injuries to CB Aqub Talib and G Joseph Noteboom. Peters seems to be a case of getting rid of someone who’s play had fallen WAY off . Still, this better work out, because the draft cupbord just became mighty thin for the next couple of years.
Also worth noting: With Todd Gurley out, the Rams turned to back up Malcolm Brown and once-heralded rookie Darrell Henderson to pick up the slack. Brown went 11-40 with a long of 10. Henderson, in his first significant usage of the season, offered up a respectable 39 on 6 carries (long of 22).
Fun Fact: The Jacksonville Jaguars drafted top five from 2014 to 2016. All three of those players - Ramsey, LB Dante Fowler and QB Blake Bortles) - are now with the Rams.
Derrick Henry is the only thing keeping the Titans out of the same class as the Dolphins and Bengals. Don’t @ me.
Also this:
https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1184278412862672897
Since 1991, NFL teams are 90-1 when they win Time of Possession, total yards and turnover ratio, pick up at least 25 first downs and convert at least 10 third down attempts.
Before Sunday, that number was 90-0.
You can check off all the things that went wrong for the Cowboys: Both tackles out. Randall Cobb Amari Cooper knocked out early. Sam Darnold back from being just really bored.
This doesn’t explain the defense making Darnold look like Joe Namath with good knees. This doesn’t explain -going for it on 4-and-2 on the Jets 7. In the middle of the second quarter. Down 7-3. And running a QB sweep out of the shotgun to boot.
This doesn’t explain giving up the second longest pass in Jets history¹ and second longest pass given up by Dallas², on the first play after the TOD.
That doesn’t explain running Zeke up the middle over and over again.
That doesn’t explain the Cowboys coming out looking like ass for the sixth straight first half.
ESPN’s Marcus Spears, a former Cowboy, has pretty much said he thinks Clappy The Clown is a dead man walking. When he saw the Cowboys players do this:
https://twitter.com/NFL_Memes/status/1183528357981511681
He’s said that this reminds him of the last time Trader Jerry did a mid-season coaching change (Which he was there for): Wade Phillips in 2010. What he saw (then and now) was a coach who had lost his players. Once you do that, there’s no coming back. Jerruh says teams would be lining up if Golden Boy hit the open market.
LET THEM.
Weren’t the Chargers supposed to get better with Melvin Ingram’s return? At the very least good enough to beat the Steelers’ QB3.
But it’s never a good sign when you ask a QB Phillip Rivers’ age to throw 44 times, even if TE Hunter “Weren’t You Supposed to be Antonio Gates’ Heir?” Henry is back from injury with a career game (8-100, 2 TDs)
Seriously, the most interesting thing to come out of this game was learning QB3’s nickname is “Duck Dynasty.”
Yup. Detroit... You got ref balled. No two ways about it.
I mean, those Hands To The Face calls had nothing to do with your rushing attack disappearing. It didn’t make you settle for field goals over and over again. It didn’t allow Aaron Rogers to erase that 9-point fourth quarter lead.¹
But those bogus penalties were indeed bogus. So let’s stick with that.
Giants 14, Patriots 35
For 85% of this game, the Giants hung tough. The defense kept the Pats in check and within reach. If they could just get a break or two on offense, they might just pull off the upset.
Then the Pats scored on a Kyle Van Noy fumble return to go up 28-14.
On the very next possession... The Giants punted on a 4th-and-2. With seven minutes to go, down two scores, they punted. Because not giving the Pats an easy score at this point was the important thing?
The Football Gods responded to this abject cowardice by letting the Pats march on the now-gassed Giants D: Three minutes, culminating in Tom Brady’s second rushing TD of the game.
The moral of the story? Don’t be a pussy.
Panthers 37, Buccaneers 26 (London)
Carolina won their fourth straight in Jolly Old England. With Rapey McCrablegs giving the ball away like each turnover was a tax write off.(5 INTs and a fumble), Kyle Allen and Run CMC didn’t have to do that much to stay on top.
Winston did everything short of snapping his own legs to prove my kind(ish) words of last week a lie. Not only did he throw a lot of INTs, they were all BAD ones. The kind where it looks for all the world like he was aiming for the guy in the other color uniform.
Both teams are dealing with talk of QB changes coming out of this game. Bruce Ariens has said he has no plans to make the switch to backup Ryan Griffin (Who has never appeared in a regular season game). The conspiracy brotha in me thinks this was a conscious choice on Tampa’s part: Letting Fitzception go in free agency and not replacing him with a vet or a high draft pick forces the team to ride or die with Winston. The Panthers reportedly will bring Cam Newton back after next week’s bye. This sounds to me like they’re bringing him once he could tolerate the pain of his shoulder. Were it me, I’d make damn sure Cam was 100% (or as close as he could get at this stage) before even thinking of messing with the good thing they have in Kyle Allen.
Bengals 17, Ravens 23
RB1, Lamar Jackson, became the first player in NFL history with more than 150 yards rushing (152 and a TD) and 200 passing (236) in a single regular season game. This, plus a strong effort from the Baltimore defense plus the Bengals’ offense being the Bengals’ offense, was more than enough to take the win.
And that’s all that was notable about this game, unless you’re into misery porn. In which case, you might be interested to know that the Bengals are 0-6 for the ninth time in franchise history. I have no idea how that stacks up historically with other franchises, but I’m betting... Not good.
Seahawks 32, Browns 28
Perhaps next time, an NFL team will disregard “Our QB likes him" as the main reason for hiring a head coach.
Also this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Re_kj7rgs
Saints 13, Jaguars 6
Two memes meet in a clearing. The legend of El Hombre Magificio, Gardner Minshew vs. Teddy Ballgame, keeping the Saints rolling in the absence of their lord and savior Breesus. One had to fall¹..And our dear time-displaced Marlboro Man was the loser, cut down by the curiously, continually overlooked Saints defense. The Jags were held to 226 total yards of offense. Not that Bridgewater was particularly sharp, missing wide open TD throws to Michael Thomas and Ted Ginn Jr. But keeping the mistakes to a minimum was all the Saints needed from him.
FYI: This is the second time this season the Jags allowed less than 14 points and still lost.
Well, there’s always a tie, but come on.
Texans 31, Chiefs 24
Another highly anticipated QB showdown ended in (another) slight disappointment, Deshaun Watson (280, 1 TD, 2 INTs) and Patrick Mahomes (273/3/1) put up decent numbers. But with the Texans playing an effective game of Keep Away. (nearly 40 minutes of possession, plus a season-high 41 rushing plays) kept the Chefs’ high powered offense grounded.
Not even the returning Tyreke Hill (5 catches, 80 yds, 2 TDs) was enough to turn the tide. Andy Reid deciding to counter the Texans’ slow-down game with 11 total carries for his RB platoon probably didn’t help either.
Bill O’Brien can crow about beating a good team now. But lets see him do it again, against a team with out a big fat exploitable flaw like the Chiefs.
Fucksnyders 17, Tankfish 16
Welcome to Tank Bowl, where you lose by winning!
Bill Callahan won his debut as interim Redhawks coach, leaning heavily on Lesser Gruden’s nemesis, Old Man AP (23-118),scratched out the win.
Despite the best efforts of FITZMAGICK¹ - who entered the game in the fourth - Miami not only hung on to their winless status, but rose to the current #1 position (via some arcane tiebreakers with the Bungles). Washington, with the win/loss, fell to the #3 slot.
- Fun Fact #1: Fitzception’s two fourth-quarter TDs were the first points the Fish have scored in the second half this season.
- Fun Fact #2: Miami’s point differential (-138) is the worst through 5 games in the Super Bowl era. The record for a season belongs to the legendarily bad 1976 Bucs (-287)²
Who else forgot that’s where he ended up?
In case you were wondering, the highest belongs to the 2007 18-1 Patriots (+315)
Eagles 20, Vikings 38
What a difference an airing of grievances makes.
Two weeks after the Vikings' "Come To Jesus"/"Stop Sucking" meeting, Stefon Diggs became the first Vikings receiver since Randy Moss in 2000 to catch at least two TDs of 50 yards or more (51, 62), tacking on a third 11-yarder for good measure (with 167 yds . Case Keenum topped those three with a fourth to Adam Theilen and wrapped it all up with 41 and a touch from Dalvin Cook.
And yet, the Eagles are still tied atop the NFC East (more on why below). Who knew not replacing your only reliable field-stretching WR could hurt your offense?
Falcons 33, Cardinals 34
With this loss, the Falcons are officially the NFC’s worst team. Yeah, I put them below the Deadskins. We didn’t expect anything out of them and we’re getting it. Atlanta was supposed to be a contender, so extra points off for that.
And yeah, it’s looking like Arizona made the right call ditching Josh Rosen for Black, Sober Johnny Manziel.
Niners 20, Rams 7
Never have I seen one loss make a team hit the panic button this hard.
You’d think getting whooped by the best team in the conference would be considered a learning experience at worst. It’s not like the Niners hung a 50-burger on them.
But still: The Rams enacted a flurry of trades, fronted by:
- Trading their first rounders in 2020 and 2021, plus a 2021 4th to Jacksonville for All-Pro CB Jalen Ramsey.
- Trading their own Pro Bowl CB, Marcus Peters, to Baltimore for LB Kenny Young and an undisclosed 2021 draft pick.
- Trading another undisclosed 2021 pick for Browns washout OL Austin Corbett.
Granted, two of those were spurred by season-ending injuries to CB Aqub Talib and G Joseph Noteboom. Peters seems to be a case of getting rid of someone who’s play had fallen WAY off . Still, this better work out, because the draft cupbord just became mighty thin for the next couple of years.
Also worth noting: With Todd Gurley out, the Rams turned to back up Malcolm Brown and once-heralded rookie Darrell Henderson to pick up the slack. Brown went 11-40 with a long of 10. Henderson, in his first significant usage of the season, offered up a respectable 39 on 6 carries (long of 22).
Fun Fact: The Jacksonville Jaguars drafted top five from 2014 to 2016. All three of those players - Ramsey, LB Dante Fowler and QB Blake Bortles) - are now with the Rams.
Titans 0, Broncos 16
Derrick Henry is the only thing keeping the Titans out of the same class as the Dolphins and Bengals. Don’t @ me.
Also this:
https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1184278412862672897
Cowboys 22, Jets 24
Since 1991, NFL teams are 90-1 when they win Time of Possession, total yards and turnover ratio, pick up at least 25 first downs and convert at least 10 third down attempts.
Before Sunday, that number was 90-0.
You can check off all the things that went wrong for the Cowboys: Both tackles out. Randall Cobb Amari Cooper knocked out early. Sam Darnold back from being just really bored.
This doesn’t explain the defense making Darnold look like Joe Namath with good knees. This doesn’t explain -going for it on 4-and-2 on the Jets 7. In the middle of the second quarter. Down 7-3. And running a QB sweep out of the shotgun to boot.
This doesn’t explain giving up the second longest pass in Jets history¹ and second longest pass given up by Dallas², on the first play after the TOD.
That doesn’t explain running Zeke up the middle over and over again.
That doesn’t explain the Cowboys coming out looking like ass for the sixth straight first half.
ESPN’s Marcus Spears, a former Cowboy, has pretty much said he thinks Clappy The Clown is a dead man walking. When he saw the Cowboys players do this:
https://twitter.com/NFL_Memes/status/1183528357981511681
He’s said that this reminds him of the last time Trader Jerry did a mid-season coaching change (Which he was there for): Wade Phillips in 2010. What he saw (then and now) was a coach who had lost his players. Once you do that, there’s no coming back. Jerruh says teams would be lining up if Golden Boy hit the open market.
LET THEM.
Ken O'Brien to Wesley Walker for 96 (Vs. Buffalo, 12/08/1985)
Norm Snead to Rich Houston for 94 (NY Giants, 09/24/1972)
Steelers 24, Chargers 17 (SNF)
Weren’t the Chargers supposed to get better with Melvin Ingram’s return? At the very least good enough to beat the Steelers’ QB3.
But it’s never a good sign when you ask a QB Phillip Rivers’ age to throw 44 times, even if TE Hunter “Weren’t You Supposed to be Antonio Gates’ Heir?” Henry is back from injury with a career game (8-100, 2 TDs)
Seriously, the most interesting thing to come out of this game was learning QB3’s nickname is “Duck Dynasty.”
Lions 22, Packers 23 (MNF)
Yup. Detroit... You got ref balled. No two ways about it.
I mean, those Hands To The Face calls had nothing to do with your rushing attack disappearing. It didn’t make you settle for field goals over and over again. It didn’t allow Aaron Rogers to erase that 9-point fourth quarter lead.¹
But those bogus penalties were indeed bogus. So let’s stick with that.
Okay, it helped. But you know what I mean.
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