#NFL In Review - 2019 Week 7
Welcome to the Week in Review. Moment of Silence for Old Man Willie, Willie Brown.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfOVN851c_w
So lemme get this straight, Denver...
You knocked the Cheat Code out of the game in the second quarter. You’re down 13-6 at the end of that particular drive.
You don’t score another point and end up losing by 24. How does that happen? Well it didn’t help that:
You have a league high streak of 16 games of scoring less than 25 points. A streak that doesn’t seem to be in jeopardy as long as Flacco is under center. Drew Lock is eligible to come off of Injured Reserve this week. If he doesn’t at least get practice snaps with the 1s at this point, someone needs to be fired on the spot.
Speaking of getting fired: At this point, the only question about Vic Fangio whether or not John Elway gets the boot along with him.
ETA: Nothing says “We’re Waving The White Flag” like a team with QB issues dumping their WR1 for table scraps.
On the other side of the QB question: We still don’t have definitive word on Patrick Mahomes’ injury, but word is a best-case scenario: A dislocated kneecap that won’t require surgery - 4 to 6 weeks out. Luckily for the Chefs, one of Coach Boyardee’s strengths is his ability to get the most out of backup QBs. Going 3-3 with Matt Moore under center would be considered a win by Chiefs Nation, I’d think.
*COUGH*obligatorycolinkaepernickmention*COUGH*
I feel sorry for anyone who got this as their Noon game.
The torrential rains put the kibosh on the Fucksnyder’s already shaky passing game. And because Bill Callahan doesn’t seem to know what “short quick passes” are¹, that was all she wrote for the Washington offense. You’d think this would be ADRIAN PETERSON TIME! And he did have 20 carries for 81 yards. But you’d think this would be a run, run and run some more kind of day; the kind of day an oldschool coach like Callanhan would relish.
Instead he proved why he hasn’t gotten a whiff of head coaching offers since leaving Oakland.
Not that the Niners were doing their best Hawgs imitation out there. But when you can score and your opponent literally can’t, you don’t exactly need to break out the Gibbs Counter Trey three times a drive.
Coming into this game, the main headlines were
The headline coming out: Who the hell is Chase Edmonds?¹
The second-year back had career highs in carries (27), yards (127) and TDs (3) in relief of an injured David Johnson. He also became the fifth player in NFL history to have three rushing TDs of more than 20 yards in a single game².That, plus eight sacks on Jones and three forced turnovers were enough for the Redbirds to pick up a big road win.
In the head-to-head duel: Jones had more yards (223 to 104) and TDs (1 to 0) than Murray. He also threw a pick and ate six more sacks than Murray. And also the losing thing.
When did you ever think you’d hear the sentence “Jacoby Brissett outdueled Deshaun Watson?”
Brissett (326/4/0) got the win over Watson (308/1/2) as the Colts stake their claim on an AFC South EVERYONE thought they had no chance of winning once Andrew Luck tapped out. Not bad for just another one of Brady’s understudies.
And I realize that Brisett’s successes means the “Grab Brady’s backup” cycle probably starts all over again.
Will Fuller - fresh off a career-high game - tweaked his hamstring on the first drive and was lost for the game. I don’t think that was a coincidence.
It’s also probably not a coincidence that, on Monday, Bill O’Brien pulled the trigger on another short-sighted trade: Sending a third-round pick to Oakland for first round ball of meh Gareon Conley. The Texans have been unusually busy this season WRT trades, bringing in Laremy Tunsil, sending out Jadaveon Clowney among others. The kinds of moves made by someone who has the freedom to make those moves and is also in the midst of an “OR ELSE” season.
The kind of moves someone shouldn’t be allowed to make because they pay no heed to tomorrow and can leave the cupboard bare for future seasons. No doubt the idea is that if he survives the season, he can fix things later. If he’s not, not his problem.
It looked for a bit that the Tankfish might actually pull out this win.
Then the second half happened.
Then they had two turnovers, including an INT on the half’s opening drive.
Then they managed to crawl within three points with just over two minutes left in the game. They YOLO’d an onside kick (rather than bet on their defense getting a three-and-out with no time outs left), only to have S Micah Hyde grab the kick and return it for a Buffalo TD.
The Tanking Continues As Planned. And my sympathy for Josh Rosen - likely to be on his third team this time next year - grows. Granted, he’s been trash under center, basically forcing Brian Flores to switch to Fitzception. But, frankly, what do you get with the switch? One more win? Maybe two?¹ The skill positions are garbage. The O-Line is worse. There’s nothing there for a young QB to build on. You’d be better served in the long run to leave Rosen in.
Either the light comes on and he shows you enough to use the assumed #1 pick on another of their many MANY needs or he shows you with no doubt, you need to go out and draft future bust Tua Tagovailoa.
The Bengals: Good for what ails ya’!
AJ Green has stated the Bengals’ record will not have any bearing on his return this season.
Translation: “I have incentives in my contract that I can’t cash in if I stay on IR.”
That is literally the only thing that would make sense in AJ Green coming back in 2019.
And who else had “Kirk Cousins/Matt Stafford shootout” on the “Things I never thought I’d say” list?
With Stafford throwing four TDs to Marvin Jones Jr ( a feat Megatron never pulled off. Take that as you will) and Cousins spreading the wealth (including Kyle Rudolph catching his first TD of the season), it came down to the rushing attack.
The Vikes, of course, have league leader Dalvin Cook, who chipped in 142 and two scores.
The Lions have up-and-comer Kerryon Johnson¹, who... Left the game in the first quarter with a knee injury after five carries for 23 yards. His replacements totaled 58 yards on 15 carries.
Game, set, match. #MixedMetaphors
You can’t be a defensive coach, have your defense be this bad for this long and still keep your job. Period.
And to stir the pot further: Matt Ryan tweaked his ankle during the loss and is currently doubtful for this Sunday’s game vs. Seattle. Sounds like it’s Matt Schaub Time in the Dirty Dirty.
Also Mohammad Sanu was traded to the Pats for a second-rounder. New England had apparently been chasing Sanu since the offseason, but Atlanta apparently held out for a bigger payday. I’d say a 2 for a WR3 is a pretty good catch. At least something’s gone right for the Falcons.
Green Bay has officially stood up and told everyone ready to crown San Fran the class of the NFC, “NOT SO FAST.”
Discount Double Check had his best game under new coach Matt LaFleur - 429 yards and 5 TDs. Aaron Jones only had 50 yards rushing (though with only 12 carries) but also contributed a 33-yd TD catch. The defense looked as good as it has in years.
The NFC’s nightmare scenario is back in play: January games in Lambeau.
Since returning from his ill-fated holdout, Melvin Gordon has 81 yards on 36 carries (16-32 on Sunday). The Chargers are 0-3 in that stretch, and are performing their traditional feats of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Having a game-winning Gordon TD dive reversed on replay, then Gordon getting stripped on the 1 by Wesley Woodyard.
Change stadiums, change cities, change coaches: Chargers still gonna Charger.
And yes, Ryan Tannehill was a marked improvement over Marcus Mariota, throwing for 312 yards and 2 TDs, along with a pick. (CHICAGO! TAKE NOTE!). Let’s see how he does against a team that isn’t in the midst of its annual implosion.
I don’t think I’m jumping the gun in declaring Mitch Trubisky the latest in the proud tradition of Bears QB failures. I’ve heard some say they should stick with Trubisky because Chase Daniel isn’t that much of an upgrade.
Daniel’s ceiling isn’t what Trubisky’s potentially is. His floor is far higher. Sticking with Mitch at this point is either some Sunk Cost Fallacy foolishness or you’re saying to your team and fans, “This year is shot. Might as well see if the kid can pull a Terry Bradshaw.”
Going by this game, Marcus Peters was exactly what the doctor ordered for the Ravens’ defense.
Punctuated by Peters’ second quarter Pick 6, the Ravens handed Seattle their second loss and first beating of the season. They harassed and confused Mr. Ciara - to this point the MVP favorite - into his worst game of the season (21/41 for 241, 1 TD, 1 INT).
Offensively, RB8 led the way for the Nevermores, pairing 116 yards rushing with 143 passing.
Earl Thomas (5 total tackles) gets the last laugh, indeed.
FUN FACT: Jackson has 576 rush yards on the season. That is more than seven teams’ totals.¹
Where the hell was this for the last three weeks?
The Dallas offense had their best first half of the season. The defense had their best game of the season. Brett Maher became the first kicker with three 60+ yard kicks and the first to have them in back-to-back weeks. They remembered Tony Pollard exists. Injuries to Robert Quinn and the Wolf Hunter were pretty much the only black marks on what was a thoroughly dominant performance.
OF course that leaves the lingering impression that Dallas can only look this impressive vs. less opponents. After the bye and the Giants, we’ll¹ have a four-game stretch (Vikings, @ Lions, @ Patriots, Bills) to show otherwise.
So who’s Doug Petersen going to cut as a scapegoat this time?
Not sure which stings worse: Getting bitchslapped like that at home by a rival or that it happened on the heels of what was their first (and might remain their best) win of the season?
Who know “Blitz the fuck out of the young QB who doesn’t run” would be so effective? Besides everyone who isn’t the Dallas coaching staff?
And because I’ve had my fill of positive Pats: Here’s Deadspin eviscerating Pats Nation over defending TB12’s latest media gaffe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfOVN851c_w
Chefs 30, Dead Horses 6 (TNF)
So lemme get this straight, Denver...
You knocked the Cheat Code out of the game in the second quarter. You’re down 13-6 at the end of that particular drive.
You don’t score another point and end up losing by 24. How does that happen? Well it didn’t help that:
- You punted on six of your eight second half possessions: The other two were a turnover on downs and the game ending.
- You ran two plays in KC territory in that second half - both incomplete passes.
- You let Joe Flacco get sacked a career-high eight times. (Though “let” might be a strong term: Flacco was never exactly Roger Staubach in prime)
You have a league high streak of 16 games of scoring less than 25 points. A streak that doesn’t seem to be in jeopardy as long as Flacco is under center. Drew Lock is eligible to come off of Injured Reserve this week. If he doesn’t at least get practice snaps with the 1s at this point, someone needs to be fired on the spot.
Speaking of getting fired: At this point, the only question about Vic Fangio whether or not John Elway gets the boot along with him.
ETA: Nothing says “We’re Waving The White Flag” like a team with QB issues dumping their WR1 for table scraps.
On the other side of the QB question: We still don’t have definitive word on Patrick Mahomes’ injury, but word is a best-case scenario: A dislocated kneecap that won’t require surgery - 4 to 6 weeks out. Luckily for the Chefs, one of Coach Boyardee’s strengths is his ability to get the most out of backup QBs. Going 3-3 with Matt Moore under center would be considered a win by Chiefs Nation, I’d think.
*COUGH*obligatorycolinkaepernickmention*COUGH*
Niners 9, Deadskins 0
I feel sorry for anyone who got this as their Noon game.
The torrential rains put the kibosh on the Fucksnyder’s already shaky passing game. And because Bill Callahan doesn’t seem to know what “short quick passes” are¹, that was all she wrote for the Washington offense. You’d think this would be ADRIAN PETERSON TIME! And he did have 20 carries for 81 yards. But you’d think this would be a run, run and run some more kind of day; the kind of day an oldschool coach like Callanhan would relish.
Instead he proved why he hasn’t gotten a whiff of head coaching offers since leaving Oakland.
Not that the Niners were doing their best Hawgs imitation out there. But when you can score and your opponent literally can’t, you don’t exactly need to break out the Gibbs Counter Trey three times a drive.
Or Case Keenum doesn’t.
Cardinals 27, Gi-Ain'ts 21
Coming into this game, the main headlines were
- Saquon Barkley’s back!
- The head-to-head matchup of the first two QBs taken: Kyler Murray and Daniel Jones.
The headline coming out: Who the hell is Chase Edmonds?¹
The second-year back had career highs in carries (27), yards (127) and TDs (3) in relief of an injured David Johnson. He also became the fifth player in NFL history to have three rushing TDs of more than 20 yards in a single game².That, plus eight sacks on Jones and three forced turnovers were enough for the Redbirds to pick up a big road win.
In the head-to-head duel: Jones had more yards (223 to 104) and TDs (1 to 0) than Murray. He also threw a pick and ate six more sacks than Murray. And also the losing thing.
Second-year player out of Fordham.³
Mercury Morris, Clinton Portis, Adrian Peterson, and Doug Martin are the others.
NYC school in the Patriot League.
Texans 23, Colts 30
When did you ever think you’d hear the sentence “Jacoby Brissett outdueled Deshaun Watson?”
Brissett (326/4/0) got the win over Watson (308/1/2) as the Colts stake their claim on an AFC South EVERYONE thought they had no chance of winning once Andrew Luck tapped out. Not bad for just another one of Brady’s understudies.
And I realize that Brisett’s successes means the “Grab Brady’s backup” cycle probably starts all over again.
Will Fuller - fresh off a career-high game - tweaked his hamstring on the first drive and was lost for the game. I don’t think that was a coincidence.
It’s also probably not a coincidence that, on Monday, Bill O’Brien pulled the trigger on another short-sighted trade: Sending a third-round pick to Oakland for first round ball of meh Gareon Conley. The Texans have been unusually busy this season WRT trades, bringing in Laremy Tunsil, sending out Jadaveon Clowney among others. The kinds of moves made by someone who has the freedom to make those moves and is also in the midst of an “OR ELSE” season.
The kind of moves someone shouldn’t be allowed to make because they pay no heed to tomorrow and can leave the cupboard bare for future seasons. No doubt the idea is that if he survives the season, he can fix things later. If he’s not, not his problem.
Tankfish 21, Bills 31
It looked for a bit that the Tankfish might actually pull out this win.
Then the second half happened.
Then they had two turnovers, including an INT on the half’s opening drive.
Then they managed to crawl within three points with just over two minutes left in the game. They YOLO’d an onside kick (rather than bet on their defense getting a three-and-out with no time outs left), only to have S Micah Hyde grab the kick and return it for a Buffalo TD.
The Tanking Continues As Planned. And my sympathy for Josh Rosen - likely to be on his third team this time next year - grows. Granted, he’s been trash under center, basically forcing Brian Flores to switch to Fitzception. But, frankly, what do you get with the switch? One more win? Maybe two?¹ The skill positions are garbage. The O-Line is worse. There’s nothing there for a young QB to build on. You’d be better served in the long run to leave Rosen in.
Either the light comes on and he shows you enough to use the assumed #1 pick on another of their many MANY needs or he shows you with no doubt, you need to go out and draft future bust Tua Tagovailoa.
If your primary goal for the season is to avoid "0-16: The Threequel", more things have gone wrong than your lack of a QB.
Jaguars 27, Bengals 17
The Bengals: Good for what ails ya’!
AJ Green has stated the Bengals’ record will not have any bearing on his return this season.
Translation: “I have incentives in my contract that I can’t cash in if I stay on IR.”
That is literally the only thing that would make sense in AJ Green coming back in 2019.
Vikings 42, Marvin Jones 30
And who else had “Kirk Cousins/Matt Stafford shootout” on the “Things I never thought I’d say” list?
With Stafford throwing four TDs to Marvin Jones Jr ( a feat Megatron never pulled off. Take that as you will) and Cousins spreading the wealth (including Kyle Rudolph catching his first TD of the season), it came down to the rushing attack.
The Vikes, of course, have league leader Dalvin Cook, who chipped in 142 and two scores.
The Lions have up-and-comer Kerryon Johnson¹, who... Left the game in the first quarter with a knee injury after five carries for 23 yards. His replacements totaled 58 yards on 15 carries.
Game, set, match. #MixedMetaphors
Update: On Boomerang IR. The Lions hope he can return in time to have something to actually play for.
Rams 37, Falcons 10
You can’t be a defensive coach, have your defense be this bad for this long and still keep your job. Period.
And to stir the pot further: Matt Ryan tweaked his ankle during the loss and is currently doubtful for this Sunday’s game vs. Seattle. Sounds like it’s Matt Schaub Time in the Dirty Dirty.
Also Mohammad Sanu was traded to the Pats for a second-rounder. New England had apparently been chasing Sanu since the offseason, but Atlanta apparently held out for a bigger payday. I’d say a 2 for a WR3 is a pretty good catch. At least something’s gone right for the Falcons.
Raiders 24, Packers 34
Green Bay has officially stood up and told everyone ready to crown San Fran the class of the NFC, “NOT SO FAST.”
Discount Double Check had his best game under new coach Matt LaFleur - 429 yards and 5 TDs. Aaron Jones only had 50 yards rushing (though with only 12 carries) but also contributed a 33-yd TD catch. The defense looked as good as it has in years.
The NFC’s nightmare scenario is back in play: January games in Lambeau.
Chargers 20, Titans 23
Since returning from his ill-fated holdout, Melvin Gordon has 81 yards on 36 carries (16-32 on Sunday). The Chargers are 0-3 in that stretch, and are performing their traditional feats of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Having a game-winning Gordon TD dive reversed on replay, then Gordon getting stripped on the 1 by Wesley Woodyard.
Change stadiums, change cities, change coaches: Chargers still gonna Charger.
And yes, Ryan Tannehill was a marked improvement over Marcus Mariota, throwing for 312 yards and 2 TDs, along with a pick. (CHICAGO! TAKE NOTE!). Let’s see how he does against a team that isn’t in the midst of its annual implosion.
Saints 36, Bears 25
I don’t think I’m jumping the gun in declaring Mitch Trubisky the latest in the proud tradition of Bears QB failures. I’ve heard some say they should stick with Trubisky because Chase Daniel isn’t that much of an upgrade.
Daniel’s ceiling isn’t what Trubisky’s potentially is. His floor is far higher. Sticking with Mitch at this point is either some Sunk Cost Fallacy foolishness or you’re saying to your team and fans, “This year is shot. Might as well see if the kid can pull a Terry Bradshaw.”
Ravens 30, Seahawks 16
Going by this game, Marcus Peters was exactly what the doctor ordered for the Ravens’ defense.
Punctuated by Peters’ second quarter Pick 6, the Ravens handed Seattle their second loss and first beating of the season. They harassed and confused Mr. Ciara - to this point the MVP favorite - into his worst game of the season (21/41 for 241, 1 TD, 1 INT).
Offensively, RB8 led the way for the Nevermores, pairing 116 yards rushing with 143 passing.
Earl Thomas (5 total tackles) gets the last laugh, indeed.
FUN FACT: Jackson has 576 rush yards on the season. That is more than seven teams’ totals.¹
Bears, Bengals, Chargers, Dolphins, Falcons, Jets and Steelers, in case you were wondering.
Eagles 10, Cowboys 37 (SNF)
Where the hell was this for the last three weeks?
The Dallas offense had their best first half of the season. The defense had their best game of the season. Brett Maher became the first kicker with three 60+ yard kicks and the first to have them in back-to-back weeks. They remembered Tony Pollard exists. Injuries to Robert Quinn and the Wolf Hunter were pretty much the only black marks on what was a thoroughly dominant performance.
OF course that leaves the lingering impression that Dallas can only look this impressive vs. less opponents. After the bye and the Giants, we’ll¹ have a four-game stretch (Vikings, @ Lions, @ Patriots, Bills) to show otherwise.
So who’s Doug Petersen going to cut as a scapegoat this time?
Yeah, I said “we.” Don’t at me.
Patriots 33, Seeing Ghosts 0 (MNF)
Not sure which stings worse: Getting bitchslapped like that at home by a rival or that it happened on the heels of what was their first (and might remain their best) win of the season?
Who know “Blitz the fuck out of the young QB who doesn’t run” would be so effective? Besides everyone who isn’t the Dallas coaching staff?
And because I’ve had my fill of positive Pats: Here’s Deadspin eviscerating Pats Nation over defending TB12’s latest media gaffe.
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