Week in Review 2018 – Week 16
Welcome to the Week in Review: Happy Holidays, ya bastiches!
This one's a bit of a cheat because I don't really want to talk about Eric Reid's implausibly large amount of "random" drug tests. Mostly because I've talked about it before.
Here, I'm talking about former player, podcast host and sideline reporter Ross Tucker. He tackled the Reid issue on his 12/19 edition of the Ross Tucker Football Podcast.
Incidentally, it's the last edition of the RTFP I will be consuming.
Not just because he took the side of the league in this issue. Tucker tends to side with the NFL more often than not and even when he doesn't, tends to soft peddle any criticism he gives. It's why he did: He doesn't see why the NFL would do such a thing as harass a player like that. That it doesn't make sense for the NFL to do such a thing, that it would be impossible, since the testing is done by an independent outside firm and he thinks Reid is making a mountain out of a molehill.
Mr. Tucker? Ross, bubleh? Have you seen the NFL engage in PR in the last 20 years? At a minimum, since Dear Leader became Commish? Goodell's NFL has yet to see an issue it can't botch the handling of. On both sides. Domestic violence, CTE, player safety, the anthem protests. The next time the NFL handles an issue correctly the first time will be the first time. And the thing is, as long as it doesn't mess with the sponsors, they don't care how shady they look. Are you seriously telling, Mr. Tucker, that you don't think the NFL can slip the testing company a discrete message that maybe, just maybe, you should look extra hard at this one guy? Really?
Hell, we've seen from the ongoing Kaepernick blackballing that the league will be utterly blatant in it's moves, as long as they think their message is getting across. With both Kaepernick and Reid, the message is "Do anything to mess with our money and we will stomp you out."
Though, granted, if it were just this bad take, I might be able to get past it. But combine this with Tucker's incessant self-indulgent "jokes" (and "Get it! Huh? Huh?" follow ups to his co-host/producer), and it's tap out time. That sort of thing is the reason I dropped Jim "The Howard Stern of Sports Talk" Rome. So if anyone has any suggestions for a replacement football podcast, I'm listening.
Josh Gordon's "jump before he was pushed" announcement that he was "Stepping away from football", is probably the last time we'll see Gordon in any official NFL capacity. The man was the very definition of "Handed everything and threw it all away". because he couldn't keep a grip on his demons.
Granted, the Patriots surely knew this was a possibility. The man missed two seasons with drug suspensions. But he seemed to get with the program. He was far and away the Pats’ best receiver. He seemed to be regaining the form that made him an All-Pro. But, clearly, addiction does not care who you are and what you have to lose.
Here’s hoping Gordon can get the help he needs and can move on with the next phase of his life.
It was a battle of two teams fighting for a playoff spot, with the Titans needing far less help than the Racialslurs to get there. The Titans also had the advantage of not being the M.A.S.H. unit the Redhawks have become.
So the Titans tried to graciously even the playing field with Marcus Mariota spending the second half on the bench with a neck stinger.
So the second half was Josh Johnson vs. Blaine Gabbert. That wouldn’t have been a must-see match-up in 2012, before we knew for sure they both sucked.
The Fucksnyders being the Fucksnyders, they returned the favor by playing defense like Mariota never left. It did not work. It so didn't work that Pro Bowl safety D.J. Swearinger publicly called out the coaches on how passively they were playing Blane fucking Gabbert. He was right, but that's probably not the sort of thing you wanna say in public. Especially for a team as petty and spiteful as the Red... Oops, you got cut! (Note: He was waiver claimed by the Cardinals)
Washington was still in the hunt for the playoffs with the lost, but needed have the Vikings and Seahawks to lose to stay alive. We'll get to those game later, but let's just say there's a reason they felt free to cut one of their best defensive players just for mouthing off.
The Titans are in with a win over the Colts on Sunday Night (an elimination game for both teams). They can get the first round bye with a win and losses by Houston (Jacksonville), New England (Jets) and Baltimore (Browns). They get the AFC South and a home wild card game with win/Texans loss.
Bit O’ Trivia: Old Man All Day became the fifth player to log a 1000 yard season at age 33 or older. He joins fellow senior citizen Frank Gore and hall of famers Franco Harris, John Riggins and John Henry Johnson (the latter two having pulled the feat off twice).
Bit O’ Trivia Dos: With the win, the Titans secured their third consecutive winning season. Their first such streak since leaving Houston
It's looking like this might be the Chargers year. Persevering past the circumstances of their (Fuck You) Spanos¹-induced move to Las No Man's Land and the traditional kicker struggles. They were in control of their own destiny: Win out and they claim the #1 seed in the AFC playoffs.
So, naturally, they got sonned by Black Tebow and the Ravens. Granted, when Jackson is making throws like this:
https://youtu.be/oXb2h1_eShI?t=165
All you can do lie back and think of San Diego.
If you're the type who follows trends, you saw this coming: The Chargers were 1-6 in Saturday games coming into this one. Philip Rivers was 2-5 when facing the league's top scoring defense.
Meanwhile, the Ravens with Lamar Jackson under center continue to be a model of how to play call for the roster you have, not the one you want.²
Unless the Giants are giving Eli Manning a farewell tour, there's no reason for him to be playing, for at least since they were eliminated from the playoffs. Seriously: Who can name the Giants' backup QB without Googling?¹
Andrew Luck and The Pips are now one win away from the playoffs, after a 1-5 start to the season. Such is the power of having a competent QB and keeping him upright.
The best thing about the Browns' resurgence under Coach Bountygate may be the talking heads find new and novel ways to shake their canes at Baker Mayfield's antics. in this case, his mean mugging of ex-coach turned charity case Hue Jackson after David "He's not bad when actually remembers not to drop the ball " Njoku turned a dump off into a 66-yard gain.
Mayfield, by the way, has no idea what everybody's talking about.
have to wonder how it feels to be Jackson, watching your replacement win more games in half a season than you did in two and a half.
If the Browns can beat Baltimore in Baltimore, it will mark their first winning season since 2007 and their third since returning to the league in 1999. That four game win streak would be Browns 2.0 longest and the franchise's longest since winning five straight in 1994.
For all the drama, for all the "is this the year" this entire year, we're right back where we've been for the better part of 20 years: The Patriots win the AFC East.
And like most of those years, it's not that the Pats are that great (they absolutely are not right now). It's that the other three AFC East teams suck.
Next.
The most impressive thing about the post Amari Cooper hot streak may be the way the 'Boys have overcome some rather rank Ref Ball (See Tampa's first touchdown drive)
That and Clappy and Scott Linehan's¹ consistent shit playcalling.
With the win, Dallas claims the NFC East for the third time in five years. Yeah, I was surprised too. Not that that's any great shakes, give the whole one playoff win that has come from that run.
And I can only speculate (and I'm not the only one) that we were looking at Dallas' next OC on the Tampa sideline.
The Panthers dropped their sixth straight to the Dirty Birds. Taylor "The Keg" Heinicke made his first start, subbing for the should've-been-shelved-a-month-ago Cam Newton. And he looked like it: 33 of 53 for 274 and TD, with three INTs.
The Panther's lone bright spot has been the emergence of Christian Ibn Ed, who joined "The Other LT" LaDainian Tomlinson and Matt Forte as backs with 1000 yds rushing and 100 receptions. He'd need 155 receiving yards vs. the Saints to join the 1000/1000 club (joining Roger Craig and Marshall Faulk).
Even with the win, this season can't end fast enough for the Falcons. About the only thing that went as planned is Calvin Ridley coming in as a solid Robin to Julio Jones' Batman.
And, oh yeah: Kenjon Barner got blown up by the kicker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuZGp2cJkUs
The Packers close out their penultimate game with an overtime win over the J-E-T-S YOU STILL SUCK. Discount Double Check continues his post-McCarthy renaissance with 442 yards and 2 TDs. His additional 2 rushing TDs put him in a literal class by himself, the only player with two passing and rushing TDs, along with 400+ passing yards. Sam Darnold, in his best game since Week 1, matched him with 341 yards and 3 TDs
And that's all the positives. There's probably more, but I do not give a shit about either team. Moving along..
I fear this is the last ride for Lions OC Jim Bob Cooter. Which would be a great loss for snickering man children like me, everywhere.
So which side of the coin do you choose: The Texans blew their chance to lock down home field advantage or the Eagles stepped up to keep their playoff hopes alive?
I choose the former, because that gives me more leave to point and laugh. Because I am a bastard.
The Eagles need to beat the Racialslurs Sunday and have the Vikings lose to the Bears. And it looks like everybody is playing the Sunday afternoon game. So it could be that the Eagles could put it all on the line, only to find out it was all for nothing.
Zach Ertz overtook Jason Witten for the single season record for catches by a TE (113 and counting) Congratsiguess.
Scuttlebutt is that the Cardinals front office is about to make Steve Wilks a one-and-done HC.
If this happens, along with the expected axings of Vance Joseph and Marvin Lewis, that's 75% of black head coaches¹ and 60% of POC HCs² gone in one whack. Kind of problematic that that much of the minority head coach population could be gone in one wave. Get on that, NFL!
The Saints clinched home field advantage in the NFC playoffs, knocking the Steelers to the brink of elimination. Breesus returned for form with 326 yards passing and a TD. Rapelisberger countered with 380 and 3 in the loss.
This didn't help the Steeler cause (Note the time and score)
https://twitter.com/thecheckdown/status/1076996192654053376
The Steelers need to beat the Bungles and have the Ravens lose to the Browns. Not as ridiculous a scenario as it would've seemed even a month ago.
Seattle clinched a playoff spot - likely at Dallas - with a home win over the Chiefs. The Chiefs, like every other AFC front runner on Sunday, failed to clinch the no. 1 seed and now goes into Week 17 with the possibility of going from presumptive #1 seed to a wild card.
Two game losing streaks will do that for you.
With teams seemingly catching up with the offense, the defense looking increasingly vulnerable and the absence of a certain exiled running back have turned the Chiefs from potential Super Bowl faves to "smells of 'One-and-Done'" And we don't even have Coach Boyardee's patented clock management fail to thank for it.
Vance Joseph is SO fired.
Corrections and Omissions.
This one's a bit of a cheat because I don't really want to talk about Eric Reid's implausibly large amount of "random" drug tests. Mostly because I've talked about it before.
Here, I'm talking about former player, podcast host and sideline reporter Ross Tucker. He tackled the Reid issue on his 12/19 edition of the Ross Tucker Football Podcast.
Incidentally, it's the last edition of the RTFP I will be consuming.
Not just because he took the side of the league in this issue. Tucker tends to side with the NFL more often than not and even when he doesn't, tends to soft peddle any criticism he gives. It's why he did: He doesn't see why the NFL would do such a thing as harass a player like that. That it doesn't make sense for the NFL to do such a thing, that it would be impossible, since the testing is done by an independent outside firm and he thinks Reid is making a mountain out of a molehill.
Mr. Tucker? Ross, bubleh? Have you seen the NFL engage in PR in the last 20 years? At a minimum, since Dear Leader became Commish? Goodell's NFL has yet to see an issue it can't botch the handling of. On both sides. Domestic violence, CTE, player safety, the anthem protests. The next time the NFL handles an issue correctly the first time will be the first time. And the thing is, as long as it doesn't mess with the sponsors, they don't care how shady they look. Are you seriously telling, Mr. Tucker, that you don't think the NFL can slip the testing company a discrete message that maybe, just maybe, you should look extra hard at this one guy? Really?
Hell, we've seen from the ongoing Kaepernick blackballing that the league will be utterly blatant in it's moves, as long as they think their message is getting across. With both Kaepernick and Reid, the message is "Do anything to mess with our money and we will stomp you out."
Though, granted, if it were just this bad take, I might be able to get past it. But combine this with Tucker's incessant self-indulgent "jokes" (and "Get it! Huh? Huh?" follow ups to his co-host/producer), and it's tap out time. That sort of thing is the reason I dropped Jim "The Howard Stern of Sports Talk" Rome. So if anyone has any suggestions for a replacement football podcast, I'm listening.
Josh Gordon's "jump before he was pushed" announcement that he was "Stepping away from football", is probably the last time we'll see Gordon in any official NFL capacity. The man was the very definition of "Handed everything and threw it all away". because he couldn't keep a grip on his demons.
Granted, the Patriots surely knew this was a possibility. The man missed two seasons with drug suspensions. But he seemed to get with the program. He was far and away the Pats’ best receiver. He seemed to be regaining the form that made him an All-Pro. But, clearly, addiction does not care who you are and what you have to lose.
Here’s hoping Gordon can get the help he needs and can move on with the next phase of his life.
Fucksnyders 16, Titans 25
It was a battle of two teams fighting for a playoff spot, with the Titans needing far less help than the Racialslurs to get there. The Titans also had the advantage of not being the M.A.S.H. unit the Redhawks have become.
So the Titans tried to graciously even the playing field with Marcus Mariota spending the second half on the bench with a neck stinger.
So the second half was Josh Johnson vs. Blaine Gabbert. That wouldn’t have been a must-see match-up in 2012, before we knew for sure they both sucked.
The Fucksnyders being the Fucksnyders, they returned the favor by playing defense like Mariota never left. It did not work. It so didn't work that Pro Bowl safety D.J. Swearinger publicly called out the coaches on how passively they were playing Blane fucking Gabbert. He was right, but that's probably not the sort of thing you wanna say in public. Especially for a team as petty and spiteful as the Red... Oops, you got cut! (Note: He was waiver claimed by the Cardinals)
Washington was still in the hunt for the playoffs with the lost, but needed have the Vikings and Seahawks to lose to stay alive. We'll get to those game later, but let's just say there's a reason they felt free to cut one of their best defensive players just for mouthing off.
The Titans are in with a win over the Colts on Sunday Night (an elimination game for both teams). They can get the first round bye with a win and losses by Houston (Jacksonville), New England (Jets) and Baltimore (Browns). They get the AFC South and a home wild card game with win/Texans loss.
Bit O’ Trivia: Old Man All Day became the fifth player to log a 1000 yard season at age 33 or older. He joins fellow senior citizen Frank Gore and hall of famers Franco Harris, John Riggins and John Henry Johnson (the latter two having pulled the feat off twice).
Bit O’ Trivia Dos: With the win, the Titans secured their third consecutive winning season. Their first such streak since leaving Houston
Ravens 22, Chargers 10
It's looking like this might be the Chargers year. Persevering past the circumstances of their (Fuck You) Spanos¹-induced move to Las No Man's Land and the traditional kicker struggles. They were in control of their own destiny: Win out and they claim the #1 seed in the AFC playoffs.
So, naturally, they got sonned by Black Tebow and the Ravens. Granted, when Jackson is making throws like this:
https://youtu.be/oXb2h1_eShI?t=165
All you can do lie back and think of San Diego.
If you're the type who follows trends, you saw this coming: The Chargers were 1-6 in Saturday games coming into this one. Philip Rivers was 2-5 when facing the league's top scoring defense.
Meanwhile, the Ravens with Lamar Jackson under center continue to be a model of how to play call for the roster you have, not the one you want.²
- $1 to Urinating Tree
- Yes, that is early Scott Linehan shade.
Giants 27, Colts 28
Unless the Giants are giving Eli Manning a farewell tour, there's no reason for him to be playing, for at least since they were eliminated from the playoffs. Seriously: Who can name the Giants' backup QB without Googling?¹
Andrew Luck and The Pips are now one win away from the playoffs, after a 1-5 start to the season. Such is the power of having a competent QB and keeping him upright.
- Journeyman clipboard jockey Alex Tanney, in case you were actually wondering.
Bengals 18, Browns 26
The best thing about the Browns' resurgence under Coach Bountygate may be the talking heads find new and novel ways to shake their canes at Baker Mayfield's antics. in this case, his mean mugging of ex-coach turned charity case Hue Jackson after David "He's not bad when actually remembers not to drop the ball " Njoku turned a dump off into a 66-yard gain.
Mayfield, by the way, has no idea what everybody's talking about.
have to wonder how it feels to be Jackson, watching your replacement win more games in half a season than you did in two and a half.
If the Browns can beat Baltimore in Baltimore, it will mark their first winning season since 2007 and their third since returning to the league in 1999. That four game win streak would be Browns 2.0 longest and the franchise's longest since winning five straight in 1994.
Bulls 12, Patriots 24
For all the drama, for all the "is this the year" this entire year, we're right back where we've been for the better part of 20 years: The Patriots win the AFC East.
And like most of those years, it's not that the Pats are that great (they absolutely are not right now). It's that the other three AFC East teams suck.
Jaguars 17, Dolphins 7
Next.
Referees 20, Cowboys 27
The most impressive thing about the post Amari Cooper hot streak may be the way the 'Boys have overcome some rather rank Ref Ball (See Tampa's first touchdown drive)
That and Clappy and Scott Linehan's¹ consistent shit playcalling.
With the win, Dallas claims the NFC East for the third time in five years. Yeah, I was surprised too. Not that that's any great shakes, give the whole one playoff win that has come from that run.
And I can only speculate (and I'm not the only one) that we were looking at Dallas' next OC on the Tampa sideline.
- "Clappy and Scott" sounds like the drive-time DJs on some small town country station.
Falcons 24, Panthers 10
The Panthers dropped their sixth straight to the Dirty Birds. Taylor "The Keg" Heinicke made his first start, subbing for the should've-been-shelved-a-month-ago Cam Newton. And he looked like it: 33 of 53 for 274 and TD, with three INTs.
The Panther's lone bright spot has been the emergence of Christian Ibn Ed, who joined "The Other LT" LaDainian Tomlinson and Matt Forte as backs with 1000 yds rushing and 100 receptions. He'd need 155 receiving yards vs. the Saints to join the 1000/1000 club (joining Roger Craig and Marshall Faulk).
Even with the win, this season can't end fast enough for the Falcons. About the only thing that went as planned is Calvin Ridley coming in as a solid Robin to Julio Jones' Batman.
And, oh yeah: Kenjon Barner got blown up by the kicker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuZGp2cJkUs
Packers 44, Jets 38 (OT)
The Packers close out their penultimate game with an overtime win over the J-E-T-S YOU STILL SUCK. Discount Double Check continues his post-McCarthy renaissance with 442 yards and 2 TDs. His additional 2 rushing TDs put him in a literal class by himself, the only player with two passing and rushing TDs, along with 400+ passing yards. Sam Darnold, in his best game since Week 1, matched him with 341 yards and 3 TDs
And that's all the positives. There's probably more, but I do not give a shit about either team. Moving along..
Vikings 27, Lions 9
I fear this is the last ride for Lions OC Jim Bob Cooter. Which would be a great loss for snickering man children like me, everywhere.
Texans 30, Eagles 32
So which side of the coin do you choose: The Texans blew their chance to lock down home field advantage or the Eagles stepped up to keep their playoff hopes alive?
I choose the former, because that gives me more leave to point and laugh. Because I am a bastard.
The Eagles need to beat the Racialslurs Sunday and have the Vikings lose to the Bears. And it looks like everybody is playing the Sunday afternoon game. So it could be that the Eagles could put it all on the line, only to find out it was all for nothing.
Zach Ertz overtook Jason Witten for the single season record for catches by a TE (113 and counting) Congratsiguess.
Rams 42, Cardinals 9
Scuttlebutt is that the Cardinals front office is about to make Steve Wilks a one-and-done HC.
If this happens, along with the expected axings of Vance Joseph and Marvin Lewis, that's 75% of black head coaches¹ and 60% of POC HCs² gone in one whack. Kind of problematic that that much of the minority head coach population could be gone in one wave. Get on that, NFL!
- Along with Coach Omar Epps in Pittsburgh
- Tomlin and Ron Rivera in Carolina.
Steelers 28, Saints 31
The Saints clinched home field advantage in the NFC playoffs, knocking the Steelers to the brink of elimination. Breesus returned for form with 326 yards passing and a TD. Rapelisberger countered with 380 and 3 in the loss.
This didn't help the Steeler cause (Note the time and score)
https://twitter.com/thecheckdown/status/1076996192654053376
The Steelers need to beat the Bungles and have the Ravens lose to the Browns. Not as ridiculous a scenario as it would've seemed even a month ago.
Chiefs 31, Seahawks 28
Seattle clinched a playoff spot - likely at Dallas - with a home win over the Chiefs. The Chiefs, like every other AFC front runner on Sunday, failed to clinch the no. 1 seed and now goes into Week 17 with the possibility of going from presumptive #1 seed to a wild card.
Two game losing streaks will do that for you.
With teams seemingly catching up with the offense, the defense looking increasingly vulnerable and the absence of a certain exiled running back have turned the Chiefs from potential Super Bowl faves to "smells of 'One-and-Done'" And we don't even have Coach Boyardee's patented clock management fail to thank for it.
Broncos 14, Raiders 27
Vance Joseph is SO fired.
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