Week in Review 2018 – Week 13
Welcome to the Week in Review. No more bye weeks: We’re in the home stretch!
Saints 10, Cowboys 13
If I told you, last Wednesday, that the Cowboys would only score 13 points, Zeke Elliot would finish the Thursday Night game with only 76 yards and no TDs and Dak Prescott would have two fumbles (losing one in the Red Zone), is there a person on the planet who wouldn't have asked "How bad did the Cowboys lose?"
Apparently, we all owe the Cowboys' defense - the main cog behind their now-four game winning streak - a massive apology. They held the Saints to 176 total yards and 10 points - both lows in the Payton/Brees era. They made every play the offense could not, and the some. They forced Breesus into his worst game since he was a Charger and the worst pass I've ever seen him throw (that game-saving INT). In a game where the offense contributed literally nothing after halftime, the defense came through like no one (who doesn't actually coach the defense) could've ever expected.
Which can only mean that the best coach on the Cowboys staff right now is Rod Marinelli. Yes, the guy with 0-16 1.0 on is resume is bucking for Asst. Coach of the Year¹
Meanwhile, this loss puts a major dent in the Saint's Super Bowl aspirations. As we can clearly see, the Saints aren't the same team outside of the Superdome. their chances to reach Atlanta are significantly lowered if they have to go to Los Angeles (or potentially Chicago).
- Assuming only head coaches can win Coach of the Year.
Ravens 26, Falcons 16
The Lamar Jackson experiment is 3-0. And I realized that the Ravens are totally giving Jackson teh Tim Tebow treatment: Leaning hard on the running ame and defense and letting Jackson throw as little as they can get away with. Though Younger Harbaugh is giving Jackson more called runs than John Fox ever did with Tebow. If Jackson can even get to Mike Vick levels as a passer, the Ravens could be outright dangerous.
And "dangerous" is the exact opposite of the Falcons. Last year's Chargers are looking at this squad and shaking their heads in sympathy. Injuries have pretty much destroyed any chance this team had to contend. And the offensive woes has taken care of the rest. They've lost four straight and looked worse either every subsequent loss. Dan Quinn probably survives this debacle, but OC Steve Sarkisian isn't so safe, methinks.
Broncos 24, Bengals 10
The Broncos spent the first half of this season looking like they were trying to get Vance Joseph fired. They've flipped that script from a 2-4 start to a 4-2 stretch, where Case Keenum and rookies Phillip Lindsay (19/157, 2 TDs on Sunday) and Bradley Chubb (10 sacks on the year) leading the charge. With a pretty soft schedule remaining ¹, the second Wild Card slot is a real possibility.
The Bengals... not so much with the "playoffs as a possibility". Losers of four straight since the bye, they lost AJ Green with a re-aggravation of his foot injury. With three of their last four on the road (Chargers, Browns and Steelers), ten losses is looking like the best case scenario.
In a better run franchise, Marvin Lewis would’ve been fired at least five seasons ago. But with an owner/GM like Mike Brown (who seems to be in competition with Jed York to see who can be the biggest legacy owner dickbag)²
- @ Niners, Browns, @ Raiders and finishing off the season with a Charger team likely locked into their playoff slot.
- For the record: I put Mark Davis in the same category as the late William Clay Ford: They seem to genuinely want to field a winning team, they’re just honestly incompetent.³
- In case you were wondering: Dan Snyder sits atop the bad NFL owner pile, combining the incompetence of the latter owners with the “No fucks given: I’m still rich” attitude of the former.
Rams 30, Lions 16
Dear Detroit;
Todd Gurley alone should not be enough to beat you by two scores, at home.
You are bad and you should feel bad.
And your GM and OC should not survive this season. That is all.
Meanwhile, the Rams, in their first game since becoming the first team in NFL history to score 50+ points in a game and lose, clinched the NFC West with the win. Brandin Cooks made history by becoming the first player to have 1000 yards receiving in three consecutive years, with three different teams.¹
- Saints, Pats and Rams, for those playing along at home.
Cardinals 20, Packers 17
When you cap off a three-game losing streak by dropping a home game to a 13-pt underdog, your ass is getting fired.
If you're Mike McCarthy, apparently you don't een get to sleep on it. He was fired likely before the parking lot at Lambeau had fully emptied.
While it was clear he was simply done in Cheesehead Nation, one has to wonder how much was his fault (his frequently and infamously vanilla game plans in particular), how much of it was a trash roster (How is GM Brian Gutekunst not taking at least as much heat as McCarthy?) and how much of it was Discount Double Check intentionally giving "sub-optimal" performances as a "Fuck You" to a coach he was clearly done with? (And even then, how much was intentional sandbagging, how much was his bad wheel and how much was the previously mentioned trash roster (Though we've seen him do more with less over the years))
WAY too early prediction: Look for Green Bay to follow the leader and poach Chiefs OC Eric Bieniemy from the Andy Reid coaching tree.
But seriously, guys? The f'n Cardinals?
Browns 13, Texans 29
The Houston defense slapped the Browns with a wet fish stamped with “Not Ready For Prime Time”. Along the way, they turned Baker Mayfield back into a rookie QB pumpkin: He threw for nearly 400 yards, but also threw three INTs, while only blitzing him four times. Getting only 31 yards of run support probably didn't help.
Doesn't help when Alfred Blue outrushes your entire team... And he gets doubled up by Lamar Miller (54 and 103, respectively).
A nine-game win streak is a nine-game win streak, even if the wins haven't exactly been over the best the NFL has to offer.
Colts 0, Jaguars 6
6-0 in today’s NFL? That takes either
- Spectacular defense.
- Trash tier offense.
As much as “Sacksonville” would love to claim the former, no. Andrew Luck just had One Of Those Games (32/52, 248 yds, 0 TDs, 1 INT). And as we well know by now: As Luck goes, so go the Colts.
Granted, two failed fourth down attempts helped drag the Colts down to the Jags’ level.¹
But hey! The Jags are 1-0 in the Cody Kessler² era!
- Seriously, Frank Reich: Stop with the fourth down attempts. It hasn’t worked out for you yet.
- 18/24 for 150, 0 TD, 0 INT, in case you were wondering.
Bills 17, Dolphins 21
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYs_9vE5pSw
The 2018 Bills, in a nutshell.
Bears 27, Giants 20 (OT)
Takeaways from this game:
- FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN! ¹
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1XM_jsADeo
- OBJ has more 40 yd TD passes (2) than Eli Manning (0).
- Mitch Trubisky can't get back for the Bears soon enough.
- You're not going to win very many games with five fumbles (even if you only lose one). Especially when four of those fumbles come from the QB.²
Why are the Giants still trying to win? THIS. DOES. NOT. HELP. YOU.
- But seriously, media types. Can you cool it with the “IT’S THE FRIDGE ALL OVER AGAIN” stuff? That was lighting in a bottle. This was just another gimmick play.
- Reason 157 why Chase Daniel Is A Career Backup.
Chiefs 40, Raiders 33
Let's be real here: the real story wasn't the Raiders keeping the game close¹ Or even Patrick Mahomes' continued assault² on the single season passing record books.
It's the Kareem Hunt case.
Or, to me, it's the NFL looking like stooges while "investigating" a domestic violence case. Again. What kind of "investigation" are you doing, if you don't talk to the alleged perpetrator or alleged victim? You (the NFL) can't procure a copy of the surveillance tape, but TMZ can? The Chiefs want kudos for cutting Hunt outright, when the "Commissioner's Exemption" List gave them every reason to "let the case play itself out" and ride out a suspension next season. But they want us to overlook that he was cut for lying to them (the team), not for going Heel Manager on a woman.
Also: Hunt cleared waivers, making him a free agent. A 23 year old free agent, free to sign with whomever he wants, after an inevitable apology tour and manditory 4-game suspension.
Also also: Hey, Roj? Dear Leader? Maybe you should take your foot off the gas on this whole "Law & Order" thing. Because you are bad at it.
Barney Fife bad.
Police Academy bad.
I could make a list of the DV cases teh NFL has handled and botched, or I could just link to this USA Today article. spelling things out far better than I could. Other than Alden Smith (who served himself up like a t-ball), every case you've handled, you've mishandled in some major way. And it's only this big a deal, because you decided to make it so.
The words "outside council" spring to mind, for some reason... Might want to look into that.
- Even if it was with garbage time points.
- Not intentional.
Jets 22, Titans 26
You'd think that, as a lifelong resident of the state of Tennessee, I would have Things To Say about the Titans game.
And I do: "Yawn."
Moving on.
Vikings 10, Patriots 24
It's telling that the most notable thing about this game is Adam Thielen and Darth hoodie having beef.
Well, that, and the world ribbing Dreamboat on reaching 1,000 career rushing yards in his 19th season.
https://twitter.com/Patriots/status/1069583782590603265
- In case you were wondering: P. Manning has 667 yards in 18 seasons.
Niners 16, Seahawks 43
Didn't we leave the Seahawks for dead, like, a month ago?
Chargers 33, Steelers 30
The Steelers' two-game skid (and really, most losses in the Coach Omar Epps era) in a nutshell:
Chargers line up for a game winning FG. They miss. BUT - Offsides on Pittsburgh. Five yard penalty, rekick.
Chargers line up for a game winning FG. Blocked! BUT - Offsides on Pittsburgh. Five yard penalty, rekick.
Chargers line up for a game winning FG. It's good! Chargers win! ALSO - Offsides on Pittsburgh. Penalty declined. Game over, drive safely!
And none of those were ticky-tack fouls: The first two were offside by at least a half-second. On the third, Artie Burns was actually behind the ball when Mike Badgley made contact.
How did this yahoo make two Super Bowls?
And, real talk: I'm cheering for
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