2018 – Week 12
Welcome to the Week in Review. Melancholy Happy Trails to Bob McNair.
Thanksgiving was more or less the point of no return for the Lions. A loss to Chicago leaves them two back in the NFC Wild Card hunt with five to go - with home games vs. the Rams and Vikings, plus closing out the season at Lambeau still to come.
But they were granted a boon by the Football Gods: Mitchell Trubisky was out, replaced by Chase "Oh. That's where he was" Daniel. Daniel of the two career starts, the last of which was in 2014 It wouldn't get any better for Detroit.
And for three quarters, the stars aligned for Detroit, coming into the fourth with a 13-9 lead.
And then came the fourth. Chicago decides "Screw running the ball", scores a Daniel to Tank Cohen TD pass, then a Stafford Pick 6.
And just like that, the Lions were more done than the turkeys in most American homes at that that time.
Side note: Khalil Mack (who had a relatively quiet two tackles and a QB pressure) has 5 forced fumbles on the season. This is as many or more than the Chargers, Jaguars, Ravens, Falcons and Raiders have as a team.
And speaking of things setting up for a team in need: This was still a must-win for Dallas. Losing to the Redhawks would put the 'Boys one back in the NFC East, effectively two with the Washington season sweep.
But, Alex Smith is injured and out, replaced by perennial backup (and Hall-of-Fame name having) Colt McCoy. Though there are plenty of people out there who thought McCoy could actually energize the offense, as McCoy is actually willing to throw the ball more than 125 yards in the air.
McCoy's stats: 24 for 38, 268 yards, 2 TDs, 3 INTs. And Old Man All-Day couldn't take up the slack (12/35)
Meanwhile, Amari "Still Paid Too Much For Him" Cooper's 90-yard TD catch was the Cowboys' longest pass play since 1999.¹ Cooper finished with a monster 8 catches for 180 yards (7/90 is still a solid game). Zeke Elliott keeps getting fed (26-121-1 TD). He also followed up his famous kettle dive celebration by throwing $21 into the kettle after his TD run.
https://twitter.com/dallascowboys/status/1065724288135651328
The Boys' are on a three-game win streak. One that looks to come to a crashing halt when the Juggernauts Saints come to town next week.
Frankly, anything under two scores I'd take as a win.
I have honestly never seen a team shoot itself in the foot that many times in the same game. Four turnovers - three of them in the Red Zone.¹ Against a team like the Saints, that's not tying one arm behind your back: That's tying one arm behind your back, then cutting off the other one. It's also tying your defense's ankles together.
With that kind of head start, Breesus only needed 171 yards to run the Dirty Birds out of the NFC South race. The 4 TDs helped, of course. But still... And all four TDs were to four different receivers. Three of whom² weren't on the Week 1 active roster.
Side Note: Question for those who resisted the urge to Rushmore-ize Brees after he passed 50K yards: Does the narrative change if Brees gets the MVP and/or a second ring?
150 days until the 2019 draft, Raider Nation...
And I hope Younger Harbaugh is sending Ozzie Newsome a nice retirement gift. Ozzie's 2018 draft class is saving his ass right now.
Now... Did the Bills pull off this win because Josh Allen returned or because the Jags have just tapped out on 2018?
Granted, the Bills didn't really take over until Leonard Fournette got himself tossed for trying to scrap with Shaq Lawson.¹
And now, in “WTF Are The Jags Doing Now?” news: The Jags announced that Blake Bortles has been benched in favor of Cody Kessler.
A benching they announced mere hours after the scapegoating firing of offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett
So which is it, guys? Was the problem Bortles or the play calling? ²
The Panthers continue to squander Cam Newton's best statistical season ever.
Graham Gano missed a 52-yard FG with under two minutes left, giving the Seahawks the short field they'd need to turn around and kick their own game winner. In addition Newton's 10th straight game with 2+ TDs and 6th straight game with a passer rating over 100, Christian, Son of Ed's 100 rushing/100 receiving yards game (the first such game by a Panther) also went for naught.
The Panthers' third straight loss pretty much puts the NFC South out of reach (4 games back of the Saints and counting). It also puts them squarely in the NFC's 6-5 pile-up. At this point, the next loss could be the one that knocks them out for the playoffs.
Seattle's win allows them to climb up into that 6-5 dogpile. I firmly believe they'd be just as happy to play spoiler down the stretch as actually make the playoffs.
I can't imagine how it must feel to be Hue Jackson right now. He gets unceremoniously (but deservedly) dumped from Cleveland. Then he gets a handout from his old boss, and rejoins the Bengals' staff as a "special assistant." Just in time for his old team, the Browns, to come to town.
You'd think that Jackson's presence would give the Bengals a leg up in stifling Baker "The Anti-Johnny Football" Mayfield and the budding Browns offense.
You would be so very VERY wrong.
The Browns built up a 28-0 lead and then spent the second half on cruise control, coasting to an embarrassingly easy win. Mayfield threw for a Browns rookie record four TDs and Nick Chubb became the first Browns RB since 1950 to have a receiving and rushing TD in back to back games.¹ Speaking of back-to-back: The Browns won consecutive games for the first time since 2014. They also broke their 25-game road losing streak.
If they can get a true #1 receiver, who knows what this team can do in the future?
And stop me if you've heard this one before: If this debacle isn't the last straw for Marvin Lewis, nothing will be.
I suppose I should acknowledge Dreamboat passing Peyton Manning for the all-time passing yards crown, if nothing else.
Okaygoodmovingon...
How to lose a game, the Giants way:
Can't even put this one on Eli's shoulders (26/37, 297, 1 TD, 1 INT)
Scoring 9 points and converting 1 of 8 third downs against a defense that has been routinely shredded this season? Making Jamarcus Winston look like a real QB?
Guys? I'm starting to think San Francisco isn't a very good team!
A status not helped by professional waste of talent Reuben Foster forcing their hand to cut him after another arrest (This time for domestic violence in Florida).
SIGH Can’t save those who won’t save themselves.
Bear in mind: At one point, the Cardinals were up 10-0.
This just in: The Cardinals suck.
But they had enough to knock Melvin Gordon out of the game with an MCL. It's not the ACL tear the team was terrified of, but it will keep him sidelined for the MNF game vs. Pittsburgh.
Will that mean their narrative going forward will be "Three of their four losses were to The Chiefs, Rams and Steelers (We don't talk about the Broncos)?"
In Milestones News: Marmalard completed his first 25 passes, the longest such streak in NFL history, surpassing Mark Brunell's 22 in 2006. And Larry Fitzgerald joined Jerry Rice as the only players with more than 16K yards receiving.
Well, Miami:
Early in the third quarter, Tony Romo declared the Steelers the most well-rounded team in the NFL. He name checked the Chiefs and Rams as teams others tout as the best, but it's the Steelers for him.
Yes, there's a certain other black and gold team he's overlooking, but that's not the important part right now. But only a few plays after he says this, Rapelisberger throws the worst INT I can recall him ever throwing, to Denver's Chris Harris. The Broncos scored two plays later and basically took over the game from there.
I suppose the balance was there: Once this INT happened, the Steelers seemed to fold on both sides of the ball.
The loss probably cost Pittsburgh any shot at home field. Meaning any stab at a return to the Super Bowl will have to go through Arrowhead or Foxboro. Good luck with that.
And to think, Vance Joseph was one more loss away from getting shitcanned just two weeks ago. With a stretch of tomato cans¹ before ending the season vs. the Chargers, the playoffs are real possibility. Something that seemed ridiculous that same two weeks ago.
I'm starting to think Mike McCarthy's play calling isn't the only problem in Green Bay.
Discount Double Check's pedestrian 198 yards on 17 of 28 passing did as much to hobble the Packers as Rogers' bum wheel.
And the Vikes might want to do something about their MIA running game (91 total yards on 29 carries) if they have any notions of advancing past the wild card round.
The Titans scored the first ten points Monday Night.
The Texans scored the next 27.
That two game win streak over Dallas and New England seems like it was last year, not earlier this month.
The Texans have a two game lead over the surging Colts, but face them in two weeks. Before that, it's a division game vs. a Browns team that suddenly has to be taken seriously. With the also 8-3 Patriots looking at a much tougher December schedule, the Texans could very well steal the #2 seed in the AFC.
But Bill O'Brien will find a way to fuck it up. It's what he does.
Bears 23, Lions 16
Thanksgiving was more or less the point of no return for the Lions. A loss to Chicago leaves them two back in the NFC Wild Card hunt with five to go - with home games vs. the Rams and Vikings, plus closing out the season at Lambeau still to come.
But they were granted a boon by the Football Gods: Mitchell Trubisky was out, replaced by Chase "Oh. That's where he was" Daniel. Daniel of the two career starts, the last of which was in 2014 It wouldn't get any better for Detroit.
And for three quarters, the stars aligned for Detroit, coming into the fourth with a 13-9 lead.
And then came the fourth. Chicago decides "Screw running the ball", scores a Daniel to Tank Cohen TD pass, then a Stafford Pick 6.
And just like that, the Lions were more done than the turkeys in most American homes at that that time.
Side note: Khalil Mack (who had a relatively quiet two tackles and a QB pressure) has 5 forced fumbles on the season. This is as many or more than the Chargers, Jaguars, Ravens, Falcons and Raiders have as a team.
Fucksnyders 23, Cowboys 31
And speaking of things setting up for a team in need: This was still a must-win for Dallas. Losing to the Redhawks would put the 'Boys one back in the NFC East, effectively two with the Washington season sweep.
But, Alex Smith is injured and out, replaced by perennial backup (and Hall-of-Fame name having) Colt McCoy. Though there are plenty of people out there who thought McCoy could actually energize the offense, as McCoy is actually willing to throw the ball more than 125 yards in the air.
McCoy's stats: 24 for 38, 268 yards, 2 TDs, 3 INTs. And Old Man All-Day couldn't take up the slack (12/35)
Meanwhile, Amari "Still Paid Too Much For Him" Cooper's 90-yard TD catch was the Cowboys' longest pass play since 1999.¹ Cooper finished with a monster 8 catches for 180 yards (7/90 is still a solid game). Zeke Elliott keeps getting fed (26-121-1 TD). He also followed up his famous kettle dive celebration by throwing $21 into the kettle after his TD run.
https://twitter.com/dallascowboys/status/1065724288135651328
The Boys' are on a three-game win streak. One that looks to come to a crashing halt when the Juggernauts Saints come to town next week.
Frankly, anything under two scores I'd take as a win.
- Aikman to Dallas legend Jason Tucker for 90 (Week 17)
Falcons 17, Saints 31
I have honestly never seen a team shoot itself in the foot that many times in the same game. Four turnovers - three of them in the Red Zone.¹ Against a team like the Saints, that's not tying one arm behind your back: That's tying one arm behind your back, then cutting off the other one. It's also tying your defense's ankles together.
With that kind of head start, Breesus only needed 171 yards to run the Dirty Birds out of the NFC South race. The 4 TDs helped, of course. But still... And all four TDs were to four different receivers. Three of whom² weren't on the Week 1 active roster.
Side Note: Question for those who resisted the urge to Rushmore-ize Brees after he passed 50K yards: Does the narrative change if Brees gets the MVP and/or a second ring?
- The Ridley fumble was particularly painful. And not just because I had him on my fantasy team.
- WRs Tommylee Lewis and Keith Kirkwood and TE Dan Arnold, in case you were wondering.
Raiders 17, Ravens 34
150 days until the 2019 draft, Raider Nation...
And I hope Younger Harbaugh is sending Ozzie Newsome a nice retirement gift. Ozzie's 2018 draft class is saving his ass right now.
Jaguars 21, Bills 24
Now... Did the Bills pull off this win because Josh Allen returned or because the Jags have just tapped out on 2018?
Granted, the Bills didn't really take over until Leonard Fournette got himself tossed for trying to scrap with Shaq Lawson.¹
And now, in “WTF Are The Jags Doing Now?” news: The Jags announced that Blake Bortles has been benched in favor of Cody Kessler.
A benching they announced mere hours after the scapegoating firing of offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett
So which is it, guys? Was the problem Bortles or the play calling? ²
- Who got tossed as well. A trade-off the Bills will take every time.
- It’s Bortles.
Seahawks 30, Panthers 27
The Panthers continue to squander Cam Newton's best statistical season ever.
Graham Gano missed a 52-yard FG with under two minutes left, giving the Seahawks the short field they'd need to turn around and kick their own game winner. In addition Newton's 10th straight game with 2+ TDs and 6th straight game with a passer rating over 100, Christian, Son of Ed's 100 rushing/100 receiving yards game (the first such game by a Panther) also went for naught.
The Panthers' third straight loss pretty much puts the NFC South out of reach (4 games back of the Saints and counting). It also puts them squarely in the NFC's 6-5 pile-up. At this point, the next loss could be the one that knocks them out for the playoffs.
Seattle's win allows them to climb up into that 6-5 dogpile. I firmly believe they'd be just as happy to play spoiler down the stretch as actually make the playoffs.
Browns 35, Bengals 20
I can't imagine how it must feel to be Hue Jackson right now. He gets unceremoniously (but deservedly) dumped from Cleveland. Then he gets a handout from his old boss, and rejoins the Bengals' staff as a "special assistant." Just in time for his old team, the Browns, to come to town.
You'd think that Jackson's presence would give the Bengals a leg up in stifling Baker "The Anti-Johnny Football" Mayfield and the budding Browns offense.
You would be so very VERY wrong.
The Browns built up a 28-0 lead and then spent the second half on cruise control, coasting to an embarrassingly easy win. Mayfield threw for a Browns rookie record four TDs and Nick Chubb became the first Browns RB since 1950 to have a receiving and rushing TD in back to back games.¹ Speaking of back-to-back: The Browns won consecutive games for the first time since 2014. They also broke their 25-game road losing streak.
If they can get a true #1 receiver, who knows what this team can do in the future?
And stop me if you've heard this one before: If this debacle isn't the last straw for Marvin Lewis, nothing will be.
- A stunning stat, considering the backs the Browns have had, historically.
Patriots 27, Jets 13
I suppose I should acknowledge Dreamboat passing Peyton Manning for the all-time passing yards crown, if nothing else.
Okaygoodmovingon...
Giants 22, Eagles 24
How to lose a game, the Giants way:
Step 1: Spend the entire first half establishing that your opponent cannot stop Saquon Barkley. (9 carries for 94 yards, 1 TD)
Step 2: Spend the entire second half not feeding Barkley the ball (4 carries, 4 yards. Two on their first possession of the second half, two on their last.)
Step 3: Spend entire game not throwing deep on an injury-wracked secondary reduced to starting practice squad guys.
Step 4: Let Zach Ertz catch the ball at will (7-91, 1 TD, on 8 targets).
Can't even put this one on Eli's shoulders (26/37, 297, 1 TD, 1 INT)
Niners 9, Bucs 27
Scoring 9 points and converting 1 of 8 third downs against a defense that has been routinely shredded this season? Making Jamarcus Winston look like a real QB?
Guys? I'm starting to think San Francisco isn't a very good team!
A status not helped by professional waste of talent Reuben Foster forcing their hand to cut him after another arrest (This time for domestic violence in Florida).
SIGH Can’t save those who won’t save themselves.
Cardinals 10, Chargers 45
Bear in mind: At one point, the Cardinals were up 10-0.
This just in: The Cardinals suck.
But they had enough to knock Melvin Gordon out of the game with an MCL. It's not the ACL tear the team was terrified of, but it will keep him sidelined for the MNF game vs. Pittsburgh.
Will that mean their narrative going forward will be "Three of their four losses were to The Chiefs, Rams and Steelers (We don't talk about the Broncos)?"
In Milestones News: Marmalard completed his first 25 passes, the longest such streak in NFL history, surpassing Mark Brunell's 22 in 2006. And Larry Fitzgerald joined Jerry Rice as the only players with more than 16K yards receiving.
Dolphins 24, Colts 27
Well, Miami:
Steelers 17, Broncos 24
Early in the third quarter, Tony Romo declared the Steelers the most well-rounded team in the NFL. He name checked the Chiefs and Rams as teams others tout as the best, but it's the Steelers for him.
Yes, there's a certain other black and gold team he's overlooking, but that's not the important part right now. But only a few plays after he says this, Rapelisberger throws the worst INT I can recall him ever throwing, to Denver's Chris Harris. The Broncos scored two plays later and basically took over the game from there.
I suppose the balance was there: Once this INT happened, the Steelers seemed to fold on both sides of the ball.
The loss probably cost Pittsburgh any shot at home field. Meaning any stab at a return to the Super Bowl will have to go through Arrowhead or Foxboro. Good luck with that.
And to think, Vance Joseph was one more loss away from getting shitcanned just two weeks ago. With a stretch of tomato cans¹ before ending the season vs. the Chargers, the playoffs are real possibility. Something that seemed ridiculous that same two weeks ago.
- @Bengals, @Niners, Browns, @Raiders. Though the Browns don't seem like the auto win they were a month ago.
Packers 17, Vikings 24
I'm starting to think Mike McCarthy's play calling isn't the only problem in Green Bay.
Discount Double Check's pedestrian 198 yards on 17 of 28 passing did as much to hobble the Packers as Rogers' bum wheel.
And the Vikes might want to do something about their MIA running game (91 total yards on 29 carries) if they have any notions of advancing past the wild card round.
Titans 17, Texans 34
The Titans scored the first ten points Monday Night.
The Texans scored the next 27.
That two game win streak over Dallas and New England seems like it was last year, not earlier this month.
The Texans have a two game lead over the surging Colts, but face them in two weeks. Before that, it's a division game vs. a Browns team that suddenly has to be taken seriously. With the also 8-3 Patriots looking at a much tougher December schedule, the Texans could very well steal the #2 seed in the AFC.
But Bill O'Brien will find a way to fuck it up. It's what he does.
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